


Ballerina! AU

by BoWritesStuff



Series: Ballerina! AU [1]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 08:36:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 48,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15681849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoWritesStuff/pseuds/BoWritesStuff
Summary: Danny is a ballerina, constantly striving for perfection. Arin is an audience member, in love with him.It only takes one second for everything to aline for them to meet.





	1. Chapter 1

Dan hates this. He hates his job. That’s all he could think about as he hears the loud, upbeat music not too far away. He’s going to stay and hide in his costume room until he has to go on stage. Then he’ll go on the stage and do his fucking job. 

He hates the people who work here, the other ballerinas. He used to be so in love with dancing, the ballerinas that could balance all of their weight on their toes, and how they all look so graceful and beautiful. How they never made a mistake on the stage. That’s why he worked so hard to be one. So maybe he could be graceful and beautiful and perfect. 

He didn’t realize that to be graceful and beautiful and perfect, you have to practice. You have to change. You have to be ready to literally give up everything. There was a ballerina that worked with Dan for a few months whose engagement was cut off because she worked too much. There are more than a dozen ballerinas that barely eat, just to maintain their fit and slender frames.

All the dancers hate their job. Dan has watched for the past two years, how they would have this look of despair and anger backstage, but the moment they stepped foot in front of the audience, this huge smile would break through. The audience was always too far away to notice the painful grimace, or the desperate, tired look in their eyes. The audience was always too far away to notice how hard they were breathing, how they were desperate for air by the end of a dance. The audience was always too far away to notice anything. 

They spent hours just practicing one scene. Stumbling, falling, messing up. Dan had spent days trying to be perfect, trying to look perfect, trying to act perfect. It drives him insane. He wants to claw at his own skin until he bleeds. He hates his body. He hates how much makeup he has to put on until he looks perfect. Contouring, highlights, foundation, primer. He’s so ugly. 

He hates how he looks like everyone else. They’re all so skinny, all so muscular, they’re all so hungry. All the ballerinas talk about is how difficult certain scenes were, how much their feet hurt, and how hungry they were. Just one full meal could make it so that Dan couldn’t fit into his skin tight costume. Just one full meal could make him mess up a jump and get him fired. Just one full meal is all he wanted. Just to eat until he was full. 

He looks up at the mirror, one that nearly took up an entire wall of his costume room. He’s so thin, he’s so hungry. His face is smooth, pale, and lifeless. He knows that there are dark circles under his eyes that are hidden under $85 worth of makeup. He knows that he spent nearly a hundred hours rehearsing this show, he knows that all the other ballerinas hate him for getting the lead role, he knows that the other lead roles hate him because he makes them look bad. 

He hates how it looks like his skin was too stretched, like his skin might just rip if he moves the wrong way. He hates the way you could see every rib and the muscles move in his neck when he turns to stare at something. He hates seeing it in other people, too. It looks so tense, so painful. 

He cried so much. He almost quit seven times. He always had the thought of hopelessness on his mind. 

But how could he quit? This was the best place for him. He wasn’t going to be a stripper. Where else could a dancer work in LA? He has to stay here, in this place where everyone complained and complained and complained. 

There’s a knock on the door. 

“Five minute warning.” a voice says from the other side, and leaves him alone again. 

He could think another time. He needs to get ready now. He stands up, quickly checking out his costume, trying to ignore his painfully skinny frame. His makeup is perfect, his costume is perfect. Everything about him is perfect except for the person under the makeup and costume. 

But that doesn’t matter. 

He walks out of his costume room, walking past the other ballerinas who were all trying to catch their breath between their cues. There’s one girl who is trying to hold back tears, massaging her leg. She must have pulled something. 

He walks past all of them without a word, without any emotion. They barely notice him. He enters the right wing, the large, empty area right to the main stage, hidden by curtains. One of the other lead roles nods at him. Everyone else is ready to get on stage. 

Dan quickly laces up his ballet shoes, the ribbons around his ankles cutting off the blood to his feet. That way he can’t feel pain. He had learned this all a long time ago. 

He takes his spot near the other ballerinas, all of them looking distraught or exhausted. 

The music fades away, the lighting darkens. That’s their cue. 

Suddenly, like some sort of phantom had possessed them all, they all smile, and they all get onto the stage. Danny feels himself flush. He was never used to being in front of a crowd. Despite what many people think, he can easily see the first eight or nine rows, all of the faces very clearly. 

The lights turn on, and the music flares back up. Dan forces himself to smile. 

On the stage, he isn’t Dan. He’s a ballerina. Nothing more. Nothing less.

-

Nearly halfway through his dance, he notices someone taking pictures. Now, it wouldn’t have bothered him all that much, but it was flash photography. He grits his teeth, and tried to focus on keeping all of his weight on just the toes of his right foot. Didn’t these people think at all? They are already trying to focus 100% on not breaking their legs, but now they have to go temporarily blind? 

The woman taking pictures was in the third row, five seats from the left in the center aisles. HE has to remember that. 

The music thumps with his heart, both feel too loud in his ears and he was sweating. The lights are too hot. There are too many people watching. There’s too much pressure on him. He’s starting to become unstable. 

All the rest of the ballerinas get into formation. This is the most difficult part of the entire show, containing four jumps in less than a minute. They didn’t have any recovery time, they didn’t even have time to think. It was all down to muscle memory. 

The show was so close to ending, and it’s just this left. He just had to grit his teeth and do this one thing. Then he could go back to the costume room and wait until the next show began. 

Danny was listening acutely to the music. They are train to know when to jump by listening to the music, since they all have to jump at the same time for the dance to be symmetrical.

The cue goes off, a fanfare of trumpets, and all of them jump, and Dan can feel the ground shake when they land, a quick spin, and another jump. 

And a flash went off. 

For a moment, Dan is confused, disoriented. He stumbles and crashes onto the floor. A gasp comes up from the crowd, but he can’t seem to register the fact in his mind. He was panting, trying to catch his breath after getting the breath knocked out of him. He’s seeing black and purple from exhaustion and the sudden bright light. He stares at the floorboard until things very slowly start to snap back into place. 

When no one offers to help him up, he gently tries to get up by himself. He involuntarily hisses when he tries to put weight on his left leg. It isn’t a break, not a dislocation. It feels more like he just sprained something, but God it hurts like hell. He stumbles back down to his knees, feeling tears well up. His leg hurt too much for him to move, and all the other dancers are quickly escaping the spotlight of the stage. 

The lights dim, and the stage almost immediately starts to cool down. The audience is just starting to understand what had happened. 

There are boos, mutters of disappointment, and yells. Dan feels his heart break. He messed up. He was fucking pissed. It was that damn woman taking flash photography. 

But the rest of the audience doesn’t know that. They just know that Dan had fallen. They just know that this ballerina had failed. They just know that Dan had failed. 

Then a voice speaks up, somewhere close to the stage. 

“God, woman, can’t you just have some respect?” a voice shouts. In the dim lights, it’s hard to tell who was doing the shouting, but the rest of the audience hushes. “You know damn well that no flash photography is allowed! They even made an announcement at the beginning of this performance that it’s for the dancers’ SAFETY!” 

The person that was yelling is a seat behind the woman taking pictures, and they are now standing. People are taking their focus off of the stage, and onto the woman. The woman now looks very, very nervous.

“Are you INSANE? The kid up there fell because of you, and you just boo him like it was HIS FAULT?” the person yells, and angrily drags a hand through their hair. Danny could vaguely make out a figure, and he thinks it might be a woman. They have longer hair. And men don’t frequently visit ballets. 

The person mutters something, and now the entire audience has forgotten about Dan, and turn against the woman. 

Dan is still on one knee, too afraid to try to walk. He is shaking, afraid and in pain. 

The audience starts yelling at the woman, security comes in, and the audience starts to leave. 

“Hey, are you alright?” It’s the same person that yelled at the photography lady, and they’re rather close to the stage. Dan looked around, still not able to see much in the darkness. The person grunts, and jumps onto the stage. Something that is very much not allowed. They walk closer. “Can you walk?” 

“Uh…” Dan tries to get up, and yells, nearly falling back down. He’s sobbing now. 

“Whoa, calm down.” The person gently grips Dan’s arm, balancing him. Dan is now standing on one leg. “You think you can walk like this?” 

Danny’s breathing hard, and tries hopping forward, and grits his teeth until he feels like he’ll break his jaw. God, this is fucking painful. 

“I take that as a no. Just calm down, I’m going to carry you.” The person says, and Dan relaxes as the person gently lifts him, bridal style. The tiny bounce in his walk is slightly painful, but it’s much preferable to hopping all the way backstage. 

“You need to tell me where to go to your costume room, aight? I’ve never been back here before.” The person whispers. Backstage is dimly lit as well, and many of the ballerinas have already fled the scene, wanting to avoid the director’s anger. 

“It’s this door,” Dan points when they pass it. Dan has to turn the doorknob, since the mystery person’s hands are full. His left leg bumps into the doorframe as they enter, and he yelps. 

“Oh, God. I’m so sorry.” The person rushes, and gently places Dan on the chair in front of the mirror. They go back to close the door, and come back. 

Oh. 

It’s a man. 

A man with longer hair that ends at the shoulder, and a blond streak. He’s a little chubby, with a kind glint in his eyes. He has some sort of scruffy beard. He’s wearing plain clothes, jeans and a black tee shirt. 

He kneels down in front of Dan, staring at his leg. 

“How badly does it hurt?” The man asks. Dan is at a loss of words for a moment. 

“Pretty...Pretty bad.” He flinches away when the man goes to touch his leg, and it bumps into the chair, and he doubles over. A hand flies to his shoulder. 

“Jesus, man. Calm down. I’m not gonna hurt you. I just wanna help. And you gotta calm down for me to help, alright?” He asks, looking up at Dan. Dan nods. 

“Alright, this is gonna hurt like hell. Just grab onto my shoulder.” Dan places a hand on the man’s shoulder, unsure and afraid of what he might down. He gently, barely places his hand on Dan’s ankle, and unties Dan’s ballet shoes. Dan bites down on his lips. 

“Okay, try not to scream.” 

Dan doesn’t have time to ask what he’s about to do. The man grabs the hem of the left costume leg, and yanks it up to Dan’s calf. Dan struggles to control his breathing for a few moments. 

It doesn’t occur that he’s hurting the man by grabbing his shoulder. His hand moves away. 

“Sorry if I hurt you.” Dan quickly apologizes. The man shrugs it off with a smile. 

“Nah, it’s a good way of measuring how much pain a person is in. And God, you must be in agony right now.” The man jokes, rolling his shoulder with a slight flinch. Dan’s face flushes red. 

“Now, let’s see what happened.” the man says, gently taking Dan’s ankle in his hand. Dan looks over the man’s hair at his ankle. 

It’s swollen, like he’s been stung by three bees at the same time. The man turns his head. 

“You’ve definitely sprained it. Grade Two, I think. Hm…” The man stares at his leg for a moment before gently placing it back on the floor. “It’s going to swell up for a little longer. You’re going to probably bruise, and I advise that you don’t walk for the rest of the week, and it’s gonna take maybe six weeks to heal.” 

Dan panics. 

“Wait, six weeks?” 

“For it to heal.” 

“I’m going to lose my job,” he mutters. The other man tilts his head. 

“You can take a leave, right?” 

“Oh hell no. My boss just...He just doesn’t give a shit about us. Like have you seen any of the dancers? No! ‘Cause they all ran away. I’m fucked.” Dan leans back in his chair. “I’m done.” 

The man sits on the floor, not knowing what to do. He looks around, and spots a first aid kit on the floor near the wall. He grabs it, and starts to work. Dan stays silent, staring up at the ceiling. The man wraps bandages around his ankle, but besides that he doesn’t do anything. They sit in silence for a while. 

“I’m Arin.” the man says. 

“Danny. Dan. Daniel.” Dan says in reply. 

Another silence. 

“Is your boss really gonna fire you? For getting injured?” Arin asks, quietly. Like he’s testing the waters between them.

“Yeah. He really doesn’t care about us. We’re just people to make him money, and a lot of us just used to be strippers, who don’t want to get addicted to drugs.” Dan mutters. He’s so tired. He’s so exhausted, and it’s finally catching up to him. 

“Well that’s fucked up.” Arin mutters. 

There’s another silence. 

And then a knock on the door. Before either of them could react, the door opens. 

It’s a face that’s terrifying and familiar to Dan. An older man in his sixties, with greying hair, and sunglasses. He’s wearing a black and white suit, and he looks pissed. 

“Well, that was a memorable performance.” Dan flinches just from the sarcasm in that sentence. Arin is on his feet in seconds. 

“Okay, listen. I was in the audience, and it was the lady in front of me. She was taking flash photography-” 

“Dan, you’re fired. Leave as soon as possible.” The man cuts off Arin. Dan tries not to react, but he can feel warm, salty tears slide down his face. Arin is facing Dan’s boss, then turns to Dan, then back to his boss. Then something snaps in him. 

“Okay Mr.” Arin pauses. “What’s your name?” 

“Mulroy.” Dan’s boss says with a smile, like he’s entertained by Dan’s pain and Arin’s anger. Honestly, he probably is. 

“Mr. Mulroy. Dan didn’t do anything wrong. He fucking fell, and that’s no reason to get fired.” 

“He made a mistake.” 

Arin takes a deep breath. Dan stays silent, trying not to sob out loud. 

“Okay, listen up you piece of shit. He didn’t make a fucking mistake, he fucking fell. He fell because an old sack of shit was doing something that she wasn’t supposed to be doing. Shouldn’t she get in trouble?” Arin shouts the entire thing at Mr. Mulroy, getting right up in his face and yelling. 

“She wasn’t the one that fell.” 

“GET THE HELL OUT.” Arin screams, pushing the man out of the costume room, and slamming the door behind him. He puts his head on the door, breathing hard. Dan’s still, not sure if he should trust this man for standing up for him, or not trust him because of his anger. 

“I’m sorry that your boss is such a jackass.” Arin mutters into the wood of the door. Dan doesn’t answer. “And I’m sorry that you had to work for such an asshole. You really weren’t lying. This place is horrible.” Arin turns around, with a sort of tiredness that mirrors what Dan feels. Arin looks at Dan, then at Dan’s leg, then at the rest of the costume room. 

“He said to leave. Do you have anything you want to take with you?” Arin asks. 

“No.” 

“Then let’s leave.”


	2. Ballerina! AU Part 2

The last half an hour was a confusing blur. Dan is overwhelmed with emotions, and his brain feels fuzzy. 

He had tripped on stage, and his boss fired him over it. He was now unemployed. And this Arin man had screamed at his boss, and now….

Now Danny is in Arin’s car, and they’re driving in silence. Dan could still feel the sharp stab of pain every time they hit a rough patch in the road, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it was before. Arin is silent, and has been since twenty minutes ago, when he told Dan that he was going to carry him to his car. 

Dan is silent because he doesn’t know what to say. And he’s not entirely sure that he’ll be able to finish any sentence that he begins. So he sits and thinks, staring out of the car window. It’s dark, and it seems the only living things in this world is in Arin’s car. Midnight black silhouettes of building and trees reach out into a polished, dark blue sky. If Dan squints, he can see where the two colors meet. 

He’s thinking. He’s confused, angry, happy, in pain, and terrified. 

How did this all happen? In the last hour? How can someone’s life turn around this much in just 60 minutes? How could he let himself fall? How could his boss treat him like SHIT? And why did his fucking ankle hurt so much? And why is he trusting this stranger? Where were they going? Why is this person helping him? 

He stays quiet. Arin’s still angry, his knuckles turning white around the steering wheel and he’s staring out into the road like if he stares at it angrily enough, it’ll melt. Dan doesn’t think Arin is in a talking mood. 

So they sit in silence, in a car made ten years ago. 

Dan must have dozed off, because he hears the engine stutter, and then the tiny clicks of the car as it settles down. Arin takes a deep breath, and runs his hand through his hair. Dan like this. This halfway-silence, this old car, this person that he barely knows, he likes how he’s so tired and confused and free. 

He likes this new feeling of imperfection. All these years of being perfect, and the exact opposite of that makes him happy. 

“Danny?” Arin whispers. His voice is softer than Dan imagines it would be, after being so angry.   
“Yeah, I’m awake, I’m good.” Dan stretches, and accidently bumps his ankle against the floor of the car. He hisses. “Never mind, less good. But still awake.” 

“Alright, we’re at my apartment. Can you walk?” he asks, unclipping his seatbelt and leaning over to look at Dan’s ankle. It’s useless, in this darkness, but Dan doesn’t mind. 

“Take a wild guess, Arin.” Dan says with a growing smile. He likes this imperfection. 

“Hardy har har. Okay, It’s kind of a long way up, but it shouldn’t be too bad.” Dan hears the driver’s door close, and the crunch of shoes on cement as Arin walks to the passenger’s seat. Dan pushes it open. He can at least do that on his own. 

“Okay, ready to go?” Arin’s arms are outstretched, and he nods. Arin’s arms scoop him up, and gently maneuver him out of the car. Dan has to close the car door, since Arin’s hands are full. The building that they’re in front of one of the common apartment buildings in LA, the ones that are made of brick and reach to the sky, speckled with windows, blinking on and off. He’s not surprised that Arin lives here. A lot of people do. 

Arin goes in through the front door, and the receptionist looks up. She looks only slightly surprised. 

“Arin, what in the actual fuck-” 

“Hi, Rebecca. Um…” Arin looks down at Dan, then back at the receptionist. Then back down at Dan. Dan shrugs. He’s never been in this situation before. 

“He’s a ballerina.” Arin says, like that explains why he’s holding another man, one that’s dressed up in a sparkly costume and white tights, with one leg exposed and an ankle that has a bandage wrapped around it. 

The receptionist sighs. 

“Arin...what in the actual fuck are you doing with a ballerina.” she asks again, looking up at the clock in the lobby. She looks like she’s considering burning this building to the ground in the off chance that she never has to speak to Arin again. 

“Uh….I’m gonna take care of him?” 

And silence settles between the three of them. All of them exhausted, in varying levels of pain, and all of them utterly confused and lost by this situation. 

“Y’know what, fuck it. Please never speak to me again.” Rebecca says, looking down at her desk like maybe if she ignores this weird duo, that they’ll stop torturing her. Arin walks to the elevator, to the right of her desk. Dan reaches down, and presses the up button. The button glows a pleasant orange color. 

“Thanks Rebecca!” Arin says over his shoulder. 

“I literally told you NEVER TO SPEAK TO ME AGAIN FIVE SECONDS AGO.” Rebecca’s voice says from behind. Arin rushes in the elevator, fearing for his life. 

If the receptionist situation is awkward, this is horrifying. A man, with long hair and a blonde streak in his hair is holding someone that looks like the lovechild of a stripper and someone who works at a glitter factory. There’s an old lady with her equally old husband in the elevator. The elevator ride is quiet, and awkward. The music haunts them. 

The old couple rushes off on their floor, faster than Dan thought old people could move. The doors close. The elevator continues its climb up. 

“Do...Do you know those people?” Danny asks. 

“Honestly, if I do, I hope I never see them again.” Arin responds. They’re back to silence. The elevator’s doors open up again and Arin looks around before getting off, like he might be able to avoid people when he’s holding a man in tights. 

Arin goes down the hallway, and stops in front of apartment 117. He pauses. And thinks. 

“What’s wrong?” Dan asks, worried. 

“I don’t know how I’m going to open the door.” he whispers back. Dan makes a “assppt” sound.

“Which pocket are your keys in?” 

“That’s the problem. They’re in the butt pockets. And I’m not about to let a stranger touch my butt...pockets.” Arin stares at the door with a glassy thousand yard stare. 

“It’s only making it more awkward that you’re calling them butt pockets.” 

“What am I supposed to call them?”

“Back pockets! You’re suppose to call them back pockets.” Dan yells for a moment, and the two of them look around, in case someone heard them arguing about the terminology of pockets. 

Arin mutters. “They’re not on my back. Okay, I’m going to put you on the ground.” He gently lowers Dan, and searches his BACK POCKETS for his apartment keys. It only takes a few seconds for him to open the door. 

“Do you want me to carry you in?” Arin asks. 

“Nah, I’ll just butt scootch my way in.” 

“What do you think about this headline, Man throws injured ballerina out of sixth floor apartment window?” Arin asks, picking up Dan. 

“That’s an excess amount of violence.” Dan points out, as they walk in. Dan flips on a light switch, and is relieved to see a normal looking apartment. Nothing weird, or murdery, or a sex dungeon. 

“Maybe I’m a murderer.” Arin shrugs. Dan takes a longer moment to look around. A small kitchen is connected to a living room. Both of them are painted a muted cream color, and the living room is actually kind of nice, with furniture that matches, and a table with a vase of flowers and paintings of sunsets on the walls. There’s a window that leads out to a fire escape, the ones that you see in movies sometimes. 

Arin gently places Dan on the couch, and crouches down to take a closer look at Dan’s ankle. 

“You don’t seem like a murderer.” 

The tension in the air grows, and Dan wants to shift away from the man’s touch. How come telling a person that they seem like they haven’t murdered another person suddenly feels like flirting? Arin gently turns Dan’s ankle around a few times, and stops when Dan starts flinching. 

“I’m gonna go get you an ice pack. You’re gonna sleep in my room.” Arin says, walking into the kitchen (Dan isn’t sure if he can call it a kitchen, since it doesn’t have any walls separating it from the living room. The entire living room is the kitchen, and the kitchen is part of the living room.)

“I’m not sharing a bed with you.” He rushes. Arin looks back at him with a weird look. 

“I never said we were going to share a bed. You’re sleeping on the bed so you don’t fall onto the floor while you sleep, and I’m sleeping on the couch.” Arin goes back to searching his fridge for an ice pack. “Dude, you’re a mess. First with the butt pockets and now with cuddling.” 

Dan blushes, with a frown on his face. Arin comes back into the living room part of the kitchen with an ice pack wrapped in a paper towel. 

“Just hold it to your ankle, alright? I’m just gonna move you to my bed.” Dan moves away from Arin’s arms this time. 

“Wait, listen. It’s been really nice that you’re helping me, but I don’t really feel comfortable sleeping in your bed.” 

Silence. 

And then Arin bursts out laughing.

“Dude, you must think I have like a bunch of sex toys in my room or something. Nah, there’s nothing like that in my room. Like, you can sleep on the couch, but I’m just worried that you might roll off. And I would feel bad for having you sleep there, but it’s whatever.” Arin’s still chuckling, and Dan realizes that he’s giggling too, “You just said it like you were worried that you were gonna find used condoms and a eight inch vibrating dildo in my room or something. But it’s all up to you, whatever makes you comfortable, man.” 

Dan thinks for a moment, with a smile on his face. 

“Yeah, I guess it makes sense. Sweep me off my feet.” he says, his arms up. Arin rolls his eyes and picks up Dan. 

“You haven’t stood on your own two legs for the last two hours, at least.” 

“I could poke your eyes from this angle. Don’t test a ballerina.” Dan smirks. 

“A ballerina that can’t walk.” he points out. He walks into a hallway that branches off of the living room, and take a door on the left. Dan looks around. 

His bedroom is also not murdery, and is also not a sex dungeon. It’s a bedroom. There’s a bed that’s twice as large as Dan’s bed in the center of the furthest wall under a window with blinds, with a closet that’s half open. A few articles of clothing decorate the floor, but nothing too messy. There’s a nightstand next to the bed, with a few books stacked on top. A laptop is charging in the corner, and a phone charger lays unused. 

Arin places Dan on the bed, and looks around the room. He starts picking up the clothes on the ground and goes to the closet to hang them back up. 

“What size are you?” 

“Excuse me?” 

Arin sighs.

“I know I’m a stranger and a man but that doesn’t mean I’m asking the size of your dick, man. I mean clothes. Like shirts and stuff.” 

“Dang, I was so looking forward to telling you the legends behind my 20 inch dick.” Dan laughs. “I’m a small.” 

Arin opens his closet, looking for anything smaller than a large. 

“I don’t know how you’d be able to fit that all in your tights.” 

“It’s like a fruit roll up, it all just-” Arin cuts him off by throwing a shirt at his face. Dan looks at it, questioningly. 

“This is huge.” 

“You callin’ me fat?” 

“Thicc.” 

Arin throws sweatpants at Dan’s face. 

Dan looks at the two articles of clothing. Both of them are far too big for him, but they would work. The problem wasn’t that, though.

The costume that he was in was difficult to get on and off without a sprained ankle. 

“You need help?” Arin asks. Dan hesitates. 

Arin seems nice and all but it’s been ages since he’s let someone see him like that. It’s been ages since he’s been comfortable enough to let them see him like that. 

“Are you alright?” Arin asks, taking a step forward when Dan doesn’t respond. 

It’s been ages since he’s let people see that he isn’t perfect. 

But he isn’t perfect. 

He knows that now. 

“Can you help me change? I don’t think I can do it with a twisted ankle.” Dan whispers. Arin feels the shift in moods, and he nods. 

“Yeah, just tell me if anything hurts, alright?” Arin kneels down next to the bed, and Dan let’s his legs dangle over the edge. 

It takes ten minutes to take off the tights, with the help of the ice pack numbing his ankle and the help of Arin. His legs are thin, and without the tights, he feels exposed and cold. Without a word or a joke, Arin helps him put on the loose sweatpants. The elastic of the waist is too loose to really help the pants stay up, but it works. 

Arin helps him take off the rest of his clothes, too. Dan knows that he could easily do it without Arin’s help. The glitter covered vest comes off, then the skin tight shirt, and then undershirt. 

There’s a tension growing in the dark room. Dan manages to see flashes of Arin in the light that gets through the blinds. There’s a sort of nervous gentleness that Dan sees in him. 

It’s been ages since he’s let people see that he isn’t perfect. 

The shirt hangs loosely off of Dan’s frame, and the sweatpants are too long and pool around his feet. 

They stay quiet for just a little while longer. 

“Well...Uh…” Arin starts. “Do...Do you think you’ll need the ice pack?” 

Dan shakes his head, and hands the lukewarm ice pack to Arin. ARin nods. 

“Well...Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight.” 

Arin leaves the room, and closes the door. Dan is alone all of a sudden in a room that smell like a person that has seen that he isn’t perfect. 

He falls asleep with thoughts refusing to settle in his brain.


	3. Ballerina! AU Part 3

Dan wakes up in a room that’s too nice to be his own, in clothes that are too big for his thin frame, and in a mind that is too happy and calm to be his. There’s a moment where the world seems like it’s shifted, and he’s confused. 

Where in the world is he? He looks around. The morning sunlight has striped the floor, and the bedroom he is sleeping in is not his. 

Then he remembers. 

He remembers whose bedroom he’s sleeping in, whose clothes he’s wearing, and who’s made him so happy. He lies there for a few minutes, enjoying the sunlight warming his arms. He likes this feeling, not having to wake up early and eat five almond and call it breakfast. He likes waking up in clothes that don’t fit him. He likes waking up happy. 

And he absolutely loves the smell of food wafting through the air. He swings his leg over, and a dull ache in his ankle stops him from running to the kitchen. He looks at his ankle. There’s a bright purple bruise starting to form on the outside of his ankle, and his foot is swollen enough to look comedic. But it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did yesterday. He stands up, all of his weight on one foot, and gently placing the other foot on the ground. Instead of the sharp pain that had been there yesterday, it’s more like a really bad bruise. 

Which it is. 

Dan limps carefully into the living room, careful not to lose his balance. If a ballerina that has trained for five years in balancing on his toes couldn’t balance on two legs, there was no point in even existing. 

Arin was in the kitchen, wearing his hair in a ponytail, and wearing the same outfit as yesterday. Black shirt with jeans. He’s standing in front of the stove, and Dan can smell bacon and eggs and orange juice. He limps over to the table with the flowers on them. There’s something a little awkward about the flowers. They’re putting too much of a “dinner date” vibe than what he’s comfortable with. 

“Morning, honey.” Arin shouts over his shoulder. “I don’t know what type of food you like, so I made the most stereotypical breakfast I could think of!” He’s still making breakfast, since Dan can hear the crackling of bacon and the occasional scrap of the spatula on the pan. 

“What if I don’t like stereotypes?” Dan calls back. Arin shrugs. 

“You’re a ballerina that can’t dance. It’s fair.” Dan laughs and yells back “Hey, that’s rude!”

Arin comes back with two plates of food, one with much more food than the other, and places them both them on the table. Dan’s almost overwhelmed. He’s dreamed of meals like this since he’s started dancing. 

Just one full meal. To eat until he was full. That’s what Dan dreams of.

Arin rushed back to the kitchen, and comes back with knives, forks, and two cups of orange juice. He doesn’t bother putting them next to the plates, he just puts the cups of orange juice near the plates, and puts the utensils on the table in a pile. 

Dan loves this sort of imperfection. 

“Bone apple tit.” Arin says with a grin, and grabs a handful of utensils. Dan nearly doubles over, laughing. 

“Dude, you have like three forks and zero forks.” he points out. Arin’s already resorted to stabbed his food with knives. 

“I hold a personal grudge against forks.” he replies between bites of food. Dan laughs and looks down at his plate of food. 

Oh. 

His plate is the one with more food on it. He looks at Arin, who seems like he might just eat the entire plate along with his meal. He must have switched the two. 

“Hey, Arin. I think I have your plate.” 

“Nah, man. It’s your congrats-on-getting-fired-and-twisting-your-ankle meal. Now eat.” Arin points at Dan’s meal with one of his many knives before digging back into his meal. Dan smiles, and looks back down at his plate. It almost seems like too much to eat. 

He picks up a knife and a fork. And then two more forks. He smiles. 

Imperfection. 

He takes bites that are too big, bites that are barely anything, he gives up halfway through the meal and starts folding the bacon into accordions and eating them like that. Arin notices and laughs. 

“That’s the real way to eat breakfast! Origami!” Arin does the same, and they end up trying to make swans, but they give up after a minute. Greasy bacon and salty scrambled eggs and sweet orange juice. 

And Dan eats until he’s full. Arin takes all the plates, and cups, and the pile of forks and knives to the kitchen, insisting that Dan didn’t move. 

“I can walk, I can help.” 

“Nah, your leg is broken.” 

“No it isn’t?” 

“It’s about to be if you don’t sit down and rest your leg, then.” They both laugh at that. Arin brings back a damp towel for Dan to wipe his hands on. Then he came back, and sat down. 

“Well, I guess you have some questions for me.” 

“I’m guessing you have some questions for me, too.” Dan replies. Arin shrugs. 

“Well, you’re at a stranger’s house. It’s more important for you to know who I am.” Dan can’t help but agree. 

“Then we can just do questions back and forth. There’s no rush.” Arin smiles, and Dan can’t help but smile back. 

“What’s your full name?” Arin starts. 

“Leigh Daniel Avidan. But I just go by Dan.” 

“Alright, Leigh Daniel Avidaniel.” 

“You can burn in hell. Well then what’s your full name?” Dan shoots back while Arin is still laughing. 

“Arin Joseph Hanson.” 

“Well that’s difficult to make fun of.” 

“Yeah, especially when your last name is Handsome.” 

“You’re horrible.” 

Arin thinks for a moment. 

“How old are you?” 

“I’m turning twenty seven in a few months.” 

“Oh, gross you’re ancient!” 

“Well how old are you?” 

“Twenty four!” 

“Oh, gross you’re a baby!” 

“An adorable one!” Dan shoves his shoulder the best he can while sitting down, and Arin laughs. “Alright it’s my turn.” 

“No it isn’t.” 

“Listen, Daniel Avidaniel, you just asked how old I was! Now stop trying to steal my questions!” Arin smiles when he makes Dan laugh. “How’s your ankle doing?” 

“Not too bad. As long as I keep my balance, I can kinda walk around without too much pain.” 

“Good, then last night paid off.” Arin says with a relieved sigh. Dan’s brows furrow. 

“What does that mean?” 

“I stayed up all night? You kept on groaning in there, so I just kept on putting on ice packs! It worked, though.” Arin says with a smile. Dan’s heart skips a few beats, he swears on it. 

“You stayed up all night?” Dan let’s the “for me” part of that question remain unspoken. Arin shrugs. 

“I wasn’t going to get any sleep with your groaning, but I’m really glad that you’re feeling better!” Now that Danny looks closer, he can see the tired dark circles under his eyes. He feels his face warming up a bit. 

“Well...Thanks.” 

“It’s nothing, man.” 

Dan suddenly realizes something. He shoves his hand into the pocket of his sweatpants. He put his phone there last night before he fell asleep. 

It was already 11:48. 

“Arin, don’t you have to go to work?” Dan’s heart is going wild. Skipping beats here, speeding up there, it’s all a mess in his heart. 

“Nah, I called in sick this morning. It was pretty convincing, too, with me having no sleep. My gross sick voice could win an Oscar.” Arin brags. There’s something about that, too. Why does taking a sick day and talking about gross nasty voices suddenly feel like flirting?

“That’s disgusting.” Dan says with a smile. 

There’s a silence that settles. 

“It’s my turn, right?” Arin asks. Dan nods. 

“How long did you work there? With that boss.” Dan doesn’t have to think. It’s been the worst two years of his life. 

“Two years. Maybe two and a half.” 

Dan swears he hears Arin mutter “Jesus Christ.” under his breath.

“But why?” 

“It’s my turn to ask a question.” Arin rolls his eyes. Dan thinks for a moment, not for a question, but for an answer. Arin is obviously going to ask why. So why did he stay for so long? 

Because he had to pay rent. 

Because he didn’t want to go back to the place he used to work. 

Because he knew that his boss would kill him. 

Because, because, because. 

But the longer he thought, the more his answers felt like excuses. He realized that Arin was starting to stare, with a worried look on his face. 

“How come you decided to help me?” It was the first thing that popped up in his mind. But it was a question that he wanted the answer to. For a moment, Arin’s face seemed to grow a little pinker. He looks like a little kid, shy and nervous. 

“I’ve...I’ve been watching your ballets for a really long time. Like, I used to watch them with my friend a year ago, and you just…. you were just really good at dancing. There’s this thing you do, God, I don’t know how to say it, but you seem more alive than the others. Like, everyone else looks really dead or this horrible weird smile that isn’t happy. But you’ve,” Arin pauses to swallow, nervously tugging on the edge of his shirt, “You had this look on your face sometimes. Like you were smirking instead of smiling. And everything you did came so easily to you, but everyone else looked so strained and tense… You just looked more… I don’t know. Alive? Human? Than the rest of them.” 

Dan spend a moment processing this. 

This stranger has been watching him for a year. Danny knew that things like this happen all the time, but to finally meet someone who’s watched his performances and enjoyed them was...strange. And the way that Arin described him. More alive and human than the rest of them. It made his face flush. 

The silence seemed like a thick blanket, soft and warm and far too heavy. 

“It’s… uh… your turn to ask a question.” Dan whispers. Arin nods stiffly. 

“So why did you stay there for so long if you hated it?” Arin asked. Even though Dan knew that he was going to ask this, it still felt like his legs have been swept out from under him. It catches him off guard. 

“I… I honestly don’t know. It’s like I felt like I had no other option, y’know? I just got so used to not being able to do things, and expectations and all that. Like how abused kids get so used to being abused that they think it’s normal? It’s kind of like that. I just kept on telling myself that this was the only option and that I needed this job and that I needed to pay rent and that I couldn’t go back to the last place-” Dan cuts off his rambling. He had nearly slipped up. 

Arin’s staring at him, expecting him to say more. The last place? What was that? 

“And that I worked so hard for this job and I didn’t want to lose it.” Dan lamely ends. It almost looks like Arin might dig deeper, but he doesn’t. 

“My turn. Do you want seconds?” 

“Oh hell yeah.”


	4. Ballerina! AU Part 4

After eating the second helping of breakfast at nearly two in the afternoon, the two of them are too lazy to move from the table. Another pile of utensils lies on the table, but this time it’s mostly composed of forks instead of knives. Their plates remain dirty and empty on the table, next to empty glasses. 

“Can we even call that a second helping of breakfast? It’s past noon.” Dan has a lazy smile on his face, and he’s holding a cold ice pack to his ankle. It definitely helped that Arin stayed up all night making sure that his ankle didn’t bother him. 

“Dude, we’re like hobbits. First breakfast, then second breakfast, then lunch, and tea, and then twenty eight dinners.” They both giggle. “That’s how I got so… What did you call me? ‘Thicc’.” 

“Shut up, man.”

“No, really. I’m thicc as fuck.” Arin says, posing his leg out from under the table, and slapping his thigh. “Just look at that jiggle, you wish your girlfriend was hot like me.” 

“How would you know that I’m into girls?” Dan teases. Arin’s eyebrow rises a little. 

“Damn, I’m that hot. Just one night in my apartment, and I make people gay.” They laugh. It’s nearly three in the afternoon, and all they’ve managed to do is eat breakfast twice and laugh a lot. 

Dan loves this. Connecting with a stranger, starting over, laughing, making stupid jokes about girls and food. 

“Oh, yeah I forgot to ask. Do you want me to give you a ride home today?” Arin asks out of the blue. Dan feels his heart sink. 

He doesn’t want a ride home today. He doesn’t want to go home today. He doesn’t want to go home ever. He doesn’t want to leave this apartment, where he can be imperfect, and laugh, and eat breakfast twice and be happy. 

But he can’t just all of a sudden ask if he could live with this stranger. That’s what they were, right? They’ve known each other less than twenty four hours, so they were still just strangers. Strangers that carried each other to their cars, and yelled at shitty bosses, and stayed up all night to make sure they were okay, and ate breakfast together, and joked about being gay. 

Arin notices the look on his face.   
“I mean to grab clothes that actually fit, and stuff. You don’t have to leave today, like, I still want to make sure you don’t hurt yourself, and end up like that old grandma in those LifeAlert commercials.” Arin says. He smiles. 

“Yeah, I fall and sudden age forty years and become a woman.” 

“Dude, that happens all the time!” 

They both love this. Starting over, laughing, making jokes that barely make sense but still manage to make the other person smile. 

They both love this. This imperfect perfection. This fast forming bond between two people, completely based on trust. 

“Yeah, I’m sure that you want your clothes, and I kinda wanna stop being paranoid about my pants falling down all the time.” Dan says, gesturing at the pants that just barely hung onto his thin frame. 

“My pants are so stretched out because I’m so-” Arin starts to say with a growing smile. Dan shakes his head. 

“Please no.” 

“Because I’m so THICC.” Arin shouts. 

“I regret calling you thicc.” Dan shakes his head again, and tries to fake disappointment when Arin starts chanting “Thicc thicc thicc thicc.” 

Then, there’s a knock on the door. Arin looks at Dan, and back at the door. He rushes to answer it, and Dan is nervously silent. There’s a hushed conversation at the door, and Arin apologizes, and the door closes. 

He returns with his face flushed red. He sits down, wordlessly. 

“Dude, did you just get in trouble for yelling the word ‘thicc’ too much?” Dan whispers, unsure if this wonderful moment was real or not. Arin blushes deeper. “You totally got in trouble for yelling the word ‘thicc’.” 

“Yeah, so what? At least I was yelling the word ‘thicc’, and not some gross word like ‘gonorrhea’.” he mutters. Dan laughs. “I’m serious! Like, at least I was yelling about something that all people like!” 

“Not all people like ‘em thicc.” Dan points out. Arin scoffs. 

“Not all people are right.” 

And they leave that conversation like that. 

An hour later, Arin has changed into a dark red shirt, with a pair of sweatpants. Dan didn’t change, since there wasn’t really anything in Arin’s closet that was smaller than what he was wearing right now. 

Dan was able to walk to the elevator down to the lobby, and the receptionist stared at them. It was a strange thing to see. After all, Arin had carried this man in, wearing a glittery costume, and now they were leaving together, with Dan now wearing Arin’s clothes. He could feel his back burning from her stare. 

They got into the car, and buckled their belts. 

“Do you think she thinks we did anything? Rebecca was staring at me, like I could feel two spots on my head burning.” 

“Probably, honestly I don’t blame her. The combination of hundred of gay jokes and carrying in a glittery ballerina probably doesn’t help.” he says as he looks behind him, backing up the car. They’re soon on the road, and Dan has to get out his phone and guide Arin to his apartment. It doesn’t take any longer than fifteen minutes for them to stop in front of Dan’s apartment. 

Dan doesn’t wait for Arin, and gets out of the car. He tries not looking up. This apartment building was the best he could afford by himself. Even the white paint somehow looks dirty, and the building is painted red and yellow. Dan never understood it, but the colors even looked cheap. On the balconies, people have left their clothes to dry. Arin doesn’t say a word, but Dan knows what he’s thinking. 

They avoid broken bottles while walking in, and they walk up the stairs. There aren’t elevators. The only time Arin speaks is when Dan flinches halfway up the stairs. 

“You okay?” Arin asks, in a hushed voice. Dan stiffly nods, and continues to walk up the stairs. 

They climb four floors, and then walk down a messy hallway, scattered with old newspapers and crushed soda cans. Dan fumbles with the keys for a moment before opening the door, slightly out of breath. The stairs were more difficult than usual, but it wasm’t as bad as he thought it would be. Dan grits his teeth, and tries to ignore his apartment. It isn’t like Arin’s. It’s not neat or orderly or welcoming. 

There are dishes that are stacked up in the sink, and the trash can is full of empty granola bar wrappers. Arin walks in, and looks around with a sort of sad look on his face. Dan heads to his room. Arin, thank god, doesn’t follow. 

Arin’s still standing, staring at the apartment that Dan calls home. He’s sure that it isn’t Dan’s fault, but the fact that he had such a shitty boss, and the fact that it’s this apartment building. There are weird stains on the carpet that seem like they’ve been there forever, and it smells like smoke in here. The air itself seems stale and unhealthy. The kitchen and the living room combined could easily fit into the living room in Arin’s apartment. 

The couch that sits in the living room is torn, and Arin can see where Dan tried to shove the stuffing back into cushions. There’s an old wooden coffee table in front of the couch, without anything on it. There are stains on that, too. Coffee stains, cuts and scratches. Arin heads into the kitchen, and opens the fridge. There isn’t much, just a dozen or so protein shakes, spam, a half empty gallon of milk, and bread that has probably been kept there to make sure that flies don’t get in. The freezer is empty. Arin flinches at the sight. What does Dan eat? 

He imagined that the exercise had made Dan so thin, but apparently there were other factors. He wasn’t sure if Dan couldn’t afford food, or if he had to purposefully stay thin to be a ballerina dancer. He imagined that it was probably a combination of the two. The cupboard had cereal, more granola bars, instant mac and cheese, instant ramen, and almonds. 

This entire place seemed like a health violation. Arin kept on finding things that broke his heart or made him flinch. The entire lack of healthy foods, the fact that Dan didn’t even own the bare necessities of life, the old furniture, the smell, how the floor threatenly creaked under his weight. 

This was a horrible place to live. 

And even though Arin and Dan were still strangers, it hurt to see him in this place. It hurt to imagine that Dan had been living here for God knows how long. It hurt to realize that the breakfast that Arin made was probably the first time that Dan has eaten a homemade meal in a really, really long time. 

Arin stands in the middle of the living room, and waits for Dan.   
Dan rushes into his bedroom, and flinches when his ankle flares up with pain again. He wasn’t entirely better. He spends a few minutes, leaning against the door and waiting for the pain to ebb. 

His bedroom is nothing like Arin’s. His bed creaks and dips in places and always hurts his back. There are old magazines scattered across the floor, from when Dan had a mental breakdown a few weeks ago. There are plates on the floor, empty. Clothes lie on the floor from the nights when Dan was just so fucking tired, and took off his clothes and passed out. The sight of his messy room is overwhelming, even though he’s only spent a day with Arin. It’s revolting. 

He grabs his duffle bag for his dance class and opens his closet. He doesn’t bother trying to choose what to bring or not, all his clothes can fit into his bag easily. The only nice things he owns was his suit and his costume, both of which actually belonged to his boss. So now he’s left with sweatpants and hoodies and ripped jeans. With all his clothes in the bag, he’s still only filled maybe half of it. What else does he want to take?

He doesn’t have a laptop. He has his phone, which he nearly couldn’t pay for. He doesn’t have books, he just goes to the library. What else in this apartment is worth taking? What else in this apartment does Dan have that Arin doesn’t have in a better way? There’s only a few things that Dan can think of. 

Near the bottom of his closet, there’s a shoebox that’s covered with old socks and shirts. He opens it up, and checks if everything’s still in there. He smiles. This is the one thing that Dan has that Arin doesn’t have. The one thing that Dan has that Arin can’t replace. 

He puts the shoebox in his duffle bag, and zips it up. He takes a moment, and looks around his bedroom. He isn’t going to miss it. He doesn’t want to remember it. He doesn’t know why he takes the time to look at it. But he does. 

He leaves his bedroom, and Arin is waiting. He’s staring around, with a strange look on his face. He looks like he just stubbed his toe and doesn’t want to yell. He looks lost and confused and hurt and even a little angry. They’re both quiet, and they leave the apartment. Dan locks the door behind him, even though he knows that there’s nothing worth stealing in there. 

“Do you want me to carry that for you?” Arin asks. Dan looks down at the bag. It holds everything that Dan feels like is worth owning. Everything that is worth keeping is in this bag. 

“Thank you so much.” Dan says, with a tired smile, and hands it over to Arin. He nods, and smiles back. Both of them are tired, more emotionally than physically. By the time they finished going down all the stairs, they were physically and emotionally exhausted. 

They didn’t say anything going back. Dan was grateful for that at least. Arin seemed to have a lot on his mind, but he knew that he would ask questions sooner or later. He was probably avoiding asking them to make sure that Dan was comfortable and wasn’t embarrassed. 

What did Dan do so right to deserve someone like Arin in his life? Someone who cared so much about him? Even after just one day? 

Even after all the horrible things that Dan had done, he had this second chance. This person. He can’t let go of them. 

Arin kept his eyes on the road, but his mind was wandering off back to Dan’s apartment. Even though he barely knew this person, he didn’t want to send them back home. And it really looked like Dan didn’t like his home much either. 

A question remained unasked between the two of them. 

Arin let that question stay that way for a moment. He would wait until Dan asked. He still didn’t know how comfortable Dan was with Arin, after all the person moving in would have to be more comfortable with the idea of moving. They had to do more work, and get used to waking up in a different house. 

But after seeing Dan’s place, Arin didn’t think that Dan would mind that much. He seemed so embarrassed and ashamed of his apartment. 

Arin would give him a week. It wasn’t a long time, but seeing how close they were already, just after one day, he was sure that a week would be fine. A week would be enough time to get to know him and learn what type of person he was. Then, he would make up his mind and either ask him to move in or leave. 

And he really didn’t want Dan to leave. 

He parked his car, and they entered the apartment. Rebecca gave Arin a look. 

“Hey, Dan. Here are my keys, I just need to talk to Rebecca for a minute.” Arin says, passing his keys and the bag to Dan. “Be careful with your ankle, man.” Dan smiles, and a few moments later, he’s in the elevator and gone. 

“Arin. What’s this all about?” Rebecca asks. He runs his hand through his hair. “Why are you stressed?” 

“I’m not stressed.” Arin snaps back. 

“You always do that thing with your hand and your hair when you’re stressed. What’s up with that ballerina?” Rebecca asks. Arin sighs, and looks around. There’s no one in the lobby. 

“I don’t know, Rebecca. You know that guy I was talking about, like with the ballets and all that stuff?” 

Rebecca gasps. 

“Is that him?” 

Arin nods. 

“How did this happen? You’ve been watching him for so long, did you finally talk to him?” Rebecca blurts. Arin blushes. 

“Actually… He fell and sprained his ankle. And I wanted to help him, so I brought him here. We just went to his place to grab his clothes. He’s staying with me for a while, at least until I know what to do.” Arin sighs. He knows what Rebecca is about to say. Despite her aloof and unamused personality, she’s one of Arin’s friends and he often goes to her for help. 

“Arin, you know what we’ve talked about.” 

“I know! I know-” 

“You can’t just keep on doing this.” 

“I know, just trust me-” 

“We know what’s happening right now, this has happened so many time and you we BOTH-” 

Arin slams his hand on the receptionist desk. 

“I KNOW! I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING.” Arin shouts. Rebecca doesn’t look hurt. She looks worried. Arin takes a deep breath. “It’s just… I have a good feeling this time. Please, just… I don’t know.” 

Rebecca reaches out, and places her hand on Arin’s fist.

“Please stay safe. We both know what happened last time.” Rebecca whispers. Arin nods. 

“I’m sorry for yelling.” 

“It’s fine. Now, go to your ballerina… Dan. Right?” 

Arin smiles. 

“Right. Dan.”


	5. Ballerina! AU Part 5

Dan let himself in, a strange feeling. Like he lives here. There are almost tears in his eyes as he enters the apartment. He wishes this could be his home, this wonderful place where Dan laughs and is happy almost all the time. He wishes that he never has to go back to his apartment, where he spends all of his time thinking about eating more of the cheap unhealthy food in his cabinet, or ways to make more money to pay off the rent. 

He wishes that he can stay with Arin. He angrily wipes away tears, and drops his duffle bag on the couch. 

At least he’s here now. That’s what matters. 

Arin comes in not too long after. He looks different, he looks tired. Dan gives him a tired smile, and Arin smiles back. 

“Where should I put my stuff?” Dan asks. He’s pretty sure that there isn’t a second bedroom, since the hallway that branches off of the living room only has three doors. And one of those doors is a bedroom, the other is a bathroom, and the last one is some sort of weird tiny closet that has a dryer and a washer stacked on top of each other. 

“Just put it in my room, it’s fine.” Arin says, waving to his room as he sits down on the couch next to Dan. “You’re going to be sleeping there for a while, anyways.” 

Dan frowns at that. 

“Well, you have a job. You need sleep more than I do, since you actually have stuff to do. I can sleep on the couch tonight, at least.” Dan tries to insist. He is the guest in this house, and he’s leaching off of Arin. This is the least he could do. Arin shakes his head. 

“Nah, you have the broken ass leg here. Sleeping on the couch is just going to slow down the healing process.” Arin says. Dan chews on the inside of his cheek, thinking. 

“Rock paper scissors?” Dan offers, holding out his hand. Arin rolls his eyes, and holds out his own hand. 

“Rock.” 

“Paper.” 

“Scissors.”   
“Shoot!” 

Both of them hold out rock, and for a moment they’re silent. 

“Redo-” Dan starts, but Arin cuts him off. 

“I guess we’re sharing the bed.” Arin shrugs. Dan’s heart beats a little faster. 

“Uh… Are you sure? Like I don’t want to make you uncomfortable-” Dan starts rambling. 

“Man, it’s whatever. We’re fighting over who gets the bed, anyways. It’ll just be easier this way, right?” Arin asks. Dan tries not to feel the uncomfortable hotness on his face and nods. He stands up, just barely feeling the pain in his ankle and walks to Arin’s bedroom with his duffle bag. 

Dan takes a moment to breathe, to let his heart settle. Sharing a bed? That isn’t that intimate. Why was his heart skipping and racing? 

Arin takes a moment to breathe, to let his heart settle. Sharing a bed? That isn’t that intimate. Why was his heart skipping and racing? 

Dan runs a hand through his hair. He drops his duffle bag in one corner of the room, and closes the door. The rummages through the clothes until he finds something that doesn’t smell too much like his old apartment, and he puts it on. It ends up being a plain black shirt, with torn jeans. It just occurs to him that if he were to move in, it would be very difficult to tell their clothes apart except for the sizing. 

Sharing a bed isn’t that big of a deal. He’s shared bed before, in hotel rooms with other ballerinas when they toured. He’s shared a bed with mostly naked women before, so why was this any different? 

The only way that this would be really all that different was the fact that it isn’t a woman. It’s a man. 

And for some reason that bothers Dan? He can think of this later. 

Arin’s heart is racing. Was he rushing too fast into it? What even was the ‘it’ he was talking about? Being roommates? 

Arin had the feeling in his gut that it was a little more than being roommates. 

Was he making Dan uncomfortable? Oh God, he might be making Dan feel weird. Trying to get a guy to sleep in the same bed as you was weird enough when you knew them, imagine having a stranger tell you that. 

Dan comes back, wearing a plain black tee shirt and torn jeans that actually fit him. It hits him how similar their fashion is. There’s still a slight limp to his walk. Arin jumps at that opportunity. 

“Hey, your ankle still hurt?” Arin asks as Dan sits next to him on the couch. He stutters for a moment. 

“Not… Actually not that much anymore, but it still feels weird and all that.” Dan says. Arin nods. 

“Well, I actually did some research, so I have a good idea of what to do besides just ice packs.” Arin says with a victorious smile. 

“Oh, how romantic.” Dan teases as Arin goes into the kitchen to get another ice pack. He comes back with a bottle of painkillers, a water bottle, and an ice pack. Dan is actually touched. How many strangers are willing to stay up all night taking care of you and researching how to make you feel better. 

The ice pack quickly numbs his ankle, and Dan swallows the painkillers with the water. 

“I thought that you might put up some sort of fight with me offering you a bunch of pills.” Arin says with a raised eyebrow. Dan shrugs. 

“I trust you not to drug me. You could have easily drugged my food this morning.” 

“Damn, well that’s a lovely thought.” Arin says with a smile. “Could you lie down for me?” 

Dan’s face flushes, just a little, and he lies down on the couch. Arin’s at the end of the couch, next to Dan’s feet. 

“Tell me if I hurt you or you want me to stop. It’s a little weird, but it’s supposed to help. Alright?” Arin says. He’s nervous. Dan nods, even though he has no clue what Arin might be talking about. All Arin has done for Dan so far is care for him. He can trust him. 

Gently, Arin takes Dan’s sprained ankle onto his lap, and holds the ice pack there for a little longer. Dan tries to relax. After a minute or so, his ankle is halfway numb. He’s not sure what Arin is doing to his ankle, but he can feel him doing something. He looks up to watch what Arin’s doing. 

Arin’s rubbing small circles near Dan’s heel, and he doesn’t notice that Dan is watching. He’s intensely focused on his work. 

Oh. 

It’s a foot massage. Or at least an ankle massage to some extent. 

Dan’s face flushes for the millionth time today. How many things can this man do that’ll make him feel special? He even thought it so much through that he made sure that Dan’s ankle was numb before he started so he wouldn’t hurt him. Dan watchs Arin work. He pressed down in some places, uses less pressure in some places, rubs circles and other unplanned patterns. 

Dan thinks of all the times that he wished he could have a massage after a ballet. His ankles always ache and his toes were always sore after a show. He couldn’t count how many times he had to do this himself. 

They stay in silence, Arin focused on his massage. Dan focused on Arin. Dan’s not sure how much time passes, but Arin gently puts Dan’s foot back onto the couch, and shakes his hands. 

“Was that alright?” Arin asks. Dan nods, reaching down to feel his ankle. He can’t feel it much, but he’s touched. “It didn’t hurt?” 

“No. You did really well.” Dan smiles. “Thank you.” 

Arin smiles back, and stands. 

“Well, it’s the least I could do.” he says, and takes the melted ice pack and the bottle of painkillers back to the kitchen. 

The least he could do. 

Absolutely not. His standards were far too high. 

The least he could have done is leave the auditorium like everyone else. How many people would do all of this for Dan and say that “it was the least they could do.” 

Arin is something else. Arin is so… different than what Dan is used to. 

He’s used to coworkers that hate him, bosses that yell, audiences that aren’t ever satisfied. 

And Arin’s here. Taking care of him and saying it’s the least he could do. 

Arin is… something else. A special type of kindness that breaks down Dan’s walls and years of hardship. A warm, soft glow in the dark of Dan’s life. 

What did Dan do to deserve a man like Arin in his life? 

Arin comes back, and makes sure that he doesn’t sit on Dan’s ankles as he sits down. 

“How was the massage? I watched a couple of Youtube videos on how to do it, but it’s been a while since I gave a massage to anyone.” Arin asks. 

“It was nice. Like, I couldn’t feel it all that much… But it was very nice of you to think of me.” Dan says with a shy smile. Arin seems happy with this answer. 

“Dude, all I can think of is you.” Arin says. Both of them go silent. “Like, how to take care of you and what you might want to eat. I’m always thinking of you, man.” 

Both of them try their best to cover up their blushes, and both of them fail miserably. 

“Want to do more questions?” Dan whispers. Anything would be better than the awkward silence that was growing between them. 

“Sure! You go first.” Arin says with a smirk. 

“Uh...Well.” Dan gently nudges Arin with his good foot. “That’s not fair I wasn’t ready… What do you do for work?” 

“I steal preschoolers.” 

“Be serious.” 

“Fine. I work at the Disney headquarters, in Burbank. I animate movies and all that.” Arin casually says. 

“Like actual movies? The ones that end up on screen?” Dan asks, and Arin nods. “Like which ones?” 

“God, there are a couple that I only helped with...I guess the ones that I’m proudest of are Zootopia, and Frozen. Oh! And Moana! God, that water effect kept me up all night. For like, a month. And Coco, y’know the one about the Day of Dead? Yeah, I helped in one scene, the one with the lights.” Arin says with a smile. Dan is slack jawed. 

“Oh my God! You’re famous!” Dan shouts. Arin laughs. 

“Nah, I’m in the credits for only like two seconds.” 

“Dude, everyone’s only in the credits for two seconds! That’s how credits work! You fucking animated some of the best movies I can think of!” Dan can’t imagine it. He’s always loved animated movies, and to meet someone to actually made them. 

“Eh, it’s not like I animated the entire thing, Dan. I just helped.” 

“Dude, helping is a super big deal! You did stuff! Everyone that made that movie just ‘helped’ and then they made an entire movie!” Arin laughs. 

“You’re like a little kid. Yeah, I guess so. I only worked on certain scenes, since I’m specialized with that stuff.” 

“Which scenes?” 

“Um… Well, in Zootopia I worked on the scene when you see Zootopia for the first time. Like, when the train is going through all the biomes? Yeah, I worked on that.” 

“That’s one of my favorite scenes! The ones where the train goes into the snow biome and all that snow starts falling! What about Moana? And Frozen? Which scenes did you do?” 

“God, give me some time, man. I’m trying to remember… Oh, for Moana I worked on the scenes where she’s trying to leave how to wayfind. Y’know, when Maui can’t move, and she has to learn how to sail. And in Frozen I worked just on the scenes where the ice castle is.” 

“Just in the scenes where the castle is? Dude, that ice castle is one of the best things in the movie!” 

“The dress was better, but yeah. The castle was nice. And I had a team that helped me animate all this stuff, I didn’t do it all by myself.” 

“But still! You actually worked on those movies! God, I’ve been watching them for years!”

“Well...Actually.” Arin starts. Dan turns, eager to listen. “It’s kinda funny how you’ve been watching my stuff for years, and I’ve been watching you dance for years. Because the friend who took me to your ballet was actually another animator, and we were doing a small study on dancing, and you were the person that I focused on. I drew you a lot.” 

Dan’s heart stops. Arin keeps on talking. 

“Yeah, like I drew you. Then, I kinda tried to remember the way you moved and stuff, and the more I drew you dancing, the easier it was to actually animate people moving. So, yeah. Some of the stuff in the movies I animate is based off of you. Or at least the way you move.” Arin stops. Dan’s heart is going insane. 

He doesn’t know what to feel. 

“You alright, Dan?” 

“Oh, yeah I just realized that I helped a person animate some of my favorite movies, I’m 100% fine man, just having eighty strokes at once.” Dan lies down, and takes a deep breath. 

“You shouldn’t be so surprised. I’ve told you before, you have this magic to you.” 

Dan’s face flushes. 

“Well you can make movies! You’re talented, too!” Dan shoots back like it’s an insult. He’s too embarrassed to do much right now. 

“And you inspired my art for those movies. Give yourself a little bit more credit, Dan. You’re a special person.” 

Dan’s heart seems to stop and speed up and skip all at the same time.


	6. Ballerina! AU Part 6

The rest of the day passes quickly, with Arin jumping at any opportunity to help Dan, and Dan gently turning it down. Arin was protective, he was worried, he was treating Dan like he was the best thing in this world. He didn’t know. He doesn’t know Dan. 

But still, Dan can at least pretend that he deserves this. He can pretend that he’s a good person for as long as Arin lets him live here. Then he’ll go back to… 

Dan tries not to think about it too much. Dinner was spaghetti, and while Arin boiled the noodles, Dan was in charge of making the sauce. It was a nice dinner, finished off with bragging about which parts of the meal were better. 

It’s only around seven when Arin yawns and checks his phone. 

“I’m going to sleep. You should join me.” Arin says, rubbing his eyes. For a moment, Dan had forgotten their deal about sharing the bed. He’s confused for just a second, and then he jumps a little.

“Well, it’s a little early, y’know?” Dan panics, and immediately tries to put it off. Arin is calm, and relaxed despite Dan’s reaction. 

“I didn’t get any sleep last night, and getting a full night’s rest will help your ankle.” He’s perfectly calm. 

Dan blushes thinking about about it. It’s true. Arin’s being logical and Dan’s being panic-y. Arin seems to see the change in emotions pretty well. He kneels in front of the couch, low enough that they’re at eye level, even with Dan sitting down. 

“Dan, you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. I want you to feel safe, and comfortable here. So if you don’t want to share a bed with me, I’m not gonna get mad. Just tell me, alright?” Arin says, suddenly serious. Dan never knows what to do when Arin gets serious all of a sudden like this. It’s certainly calming, but Dan always feels awkward for getting so out of hand that Arin has to calm him down. 

“Thanks… I’m just… I don’t know. Not scared... Just nervous.” Dan wants to get away from Arin, get closer, and also curl up and die all at the same time. 

“But are you uncomfortable?” Arin asks. There’s a sort of serious authority in his voice. Not mean, or pressing, but definitely not the normal Arin that he knew. This was just another side of his protectiveness, the serious side. The one that took control when there was a situation that shouldn’t be joked about. 

Dan takes a deep breath. 

“No. I’m not uncomfortable. I’m just that weird feeling where you kinda don’t want to do a thing because you’re nervous and stuff. That’s all.” Dan rambles. Arin nods, and gently pats Dan’s leg. 

“If you aren’t comfortable with anything at any time, just tell me. Having limits is nothing to be ashamed of.” Arin says with a smile before heading off to the bathroom. Dan can hear the sink running, and only a few seconds later, Arin comes out with his hair tied back and a toothbrush in his mouth. 

“There’f a new toofbruah in the bafroom for ya.” Arin says, heading to his bedroom. Dan goes to the bathroom, and there’s a glittery blue toothbrush in a cup on the ledge directly under the mirror. 

“Why is it glittery?” Dan asks. Arin returns, in a black tank top and loose sweatpants, with his hair still up and the toothbrush still in his mouth.

He scoots around Dan and spits into the sink. 

“It matches your personality. And the ballerina costume.” Arin says, putting his toothbrush back in the small cup and going to the bedroom. He looks down at the toothbrush.

Can Arin do anything without putting in effort and thought into it? Even choosing a toothbrush. God. 

Dan wants to rush through brushing his teeth and at the same time, avoid going to the bedroom at all costs. He knows that Arin is fine with him saying yes or no. He knows that it’s just nerves, and butterflies in the stomach. 

But it’s been so long. 

And the last time he’s done this it’s gone so badly. Dan unconsciously touches his wrist, like maybe the bruises might still be there. He looks into the mirror. There aren’t any bruises. Nothing marking his neck or face. No purple splotches on his neck. No cut on his lip. No swelling on his eye. He looks down at his arms, like maybe the bruises have reappeared. Maybe Arin would be able to see how dirty Dan was, how sinful he was, how broken he was.   
So broken that he was even afraid of sharing a bed. He sighs, bracing himself. 

Arin is someone he trusted. He wasn’t like those people. He wasn’t like them. He can trust Arin He can do this. 

He’s facing his fears, after six years. Was it six and a half years? Yeah, nearly seven years ago. It all started when he was twenty one. He remembers now. 

Six years is too long. He brushes his teeth, and washes his face. He can feel his hands shaking. Even after six and a half years, his nerves and instincts are still there, still very much alive. He wants to run, he wants to get away from this place, he wants to scrub his skin until it’s raw and sensitive. Until he’s clean. 

He doesn’t. He takes another deep breath, dries his face, and puts his toothbrush away. He’s very aware of everything he does, he feels like he’s a video game character. Everything that he does feels very controlled, he has to do everything. He has to think about everything that he does. 

He heads to the bedroom, counting his steps. It helps him calm down, just a little. It helps him focus on something besides his panicked thoughts. Arin’s sitting on the left side of the bed, checking his phone. Dan smiles just a little. His face is illuminated by the pale light from the little screen. Arin isn’t like those people. Arin would never hurt him. 

His heart isn’t racing anymore. It’s pounding in his ears, his stomach, his neck. 

He isn’t afraid. 

“Hey, Arin.” Dan says. Arin looks up from his phone, with a smile. He turns off his phone, and puts it on the bedside table. Dan hesitates for a second as Arin gets under the covers, and turns on the lamp on the table, and grabs a book. 

“Dan, are you alright?” Arin asks. Dan wants to say something, but there’s something wrong. Like someone has snipped the nerves that connect his brain to the rest of his body. He stands there, his mouth moving like he wants to say something. Arin puts the book back. “Dan?” 

Dan takes a second, another deep breath.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m alright.” he whispers. Arin is just able to hear it. Arin slowly gets out of bed. 

“Listen, man. You seem pretty scared. I’m not gonna hurt you, you know that, right?” Arin takes a step towards Dan. Dan instinctively takes a step back. Arin doesn’t look hurt, he looks worried. Arin takes his step back, and Dan stays where he is. 

They stand like that for a moment, highlighted by the amber glow of the lamp. 

“Okay, Dan. You seem like you’re panicking. Right?” Arin whispers, his hands forward, as if he was showing Dan that he didn’t have a weapon, or that he wasn’t going to hurt him. Dan nods, just barely feeling the carpeted ground underneath him. He was going to do this, he was going to face his fear. “You don’t need to do this. I can sleep on the couch.” 

Dan loosens his own grip on the bottom of his shirt, and opens his arms. Arin is confused for just a moment before he understands. 

“Do you… want a hug?” Arin asks. 

“A hug would be nice.” Dan’s voice is raspy, but there. Arin nods, and slowly moves into the hug. Arin is warm and soft, and his arms are just loosely wrapped around Dan, not trapping him. They stay like that for a few heartbeats. 

“It’s fine if you don’t want to share a bed with me. I don’t really know why you’re freaking out, but it’s okay, whatever the reason is.” Arin whispers after they break the hug. Dan shakes his head. 

“Nah, it’s just… I’m fine. Just nervous.” Dan can see that Arin doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t say anything. Arin’s hand goes to Dan’s forearm, and goes down to his hand. 

“You sure? I don’t want you to be scared. I want you to trust me.” Arin squeezes his hand, just a tiny bit. 

“Yeah. I trust you.” Arin nods. Dan takes this as approval. The bed is big enough for both of them, and Dan tries to relax. Arin isn’t doing anything wrong, he’s just reading a book. Dan takes a deep breath. 

He wasn’t even aware that he was this exhausted. He falls asleep. 

-

Arin watches as Dan’s small frame takes deep breaths. His back is turned to Arin. He’s not sure what that breakdown was, but it was terrifying. It was like Dan had shrinked, like he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs and his ribcage was caving in on his thin body. 

Arin never wants to see that again. Especially with Dan. His breathing evens out, and Arin puts down the book, and dims the light. He brings the covers up a little more. 

It’s dark in their bedroom. Arin turns to watch Dan, making sure that he doesn’t hurt himself accidently. 

He wants to sleep, but at the same time, he wants to be there for Dan. He wants to know when to grab another ice pack, or do another massage, or wake him up for a painkiller. He wants to know when Dan needs another hug. 

He wants to know what’s bothering Dan so much. Something must have made him like this, the person that he is. Amazing, beautiful, funny. Anxious, afraid, unsure. Something built him up and something broke him down. 

And Arin wants to help. He doesn’t understand what Dan says sometimes, but he knows that Dan wants to keep it secret. Arin can’t help but play everything back in his head. 

Dan’s boss. Dan’s apartment. Whatever the “last place” is. He can understand why Dan might be nervous about sharing a bed, but he doesn’t understand the near panic attack. It almost looked like Dan was forcing himself, like he wanted to share a bed but was fighting some sort of fear in his mind. He doesn’t understand. 

There’s so much more to Dan then what he expected in the beginning. He always thought that Dan would live in a nice apartment, with dance lessons, and a good life and an amazing laugh. He was only right about one of those things. Did his boss really pay him that badly? And why was Dan so bad off? Ballerinas are paid pretty well, so he doesn’t understand why Dan had to live in that apartment for so many years. 

He’s just wasting time. Dan will open up to him, and Arin will help him in any way that he can. Before that happens, there’s no point in trying to find out what happened to Dan or why he’s like this. People are tangled, complex messes. There’s too many options and variables. 

Arin slowly dozes off, trying to keep his mind off of Dan. It doesn’t work. 

-

Arin wakes up to his phone alarm going off. It’s still early in the morning, since the light coming in through the blinds are bright. He turns off the alarm and checks the time. It’s 6: 21. A little earlier than usually today, since he has to cook for two people. 

Two people. How was Dan? He quietly gets up, and walks to the other side of the bed. Dan is curled up, with his arms wrapped around the pillow. His hair is messy, and covers most of his face. His breathing is light and slow. The blanket only covers his torso, since he must have been rolling around a little to maneuver the pillow down to his chest. His skinny arms are tightly wrapped around the pillow, like he’s trying to strangle it. Arin gently pulls the blanket up to Dan’s shoulder. 

This is a good way to begin the day. Arin changes into casual clothes. There isn’t really much use for dressing up nice. He’s not one of the models, just an animator. He pauses and listens every time he hears Dan roll or mutter in his sleep. He wants Dan to sleep for as long as he can. 

Clothes, washing up, brush, toothbrush, floss. 

Arin checks in on Dan one last time. He barely takes up a third of the bed, even with the pillow in his grasp. Arin smiles, and closes the door.

Breakfast is mac ‘n cheese. He hopes that it doesn’t bother Dan, since that’s what he basically lived off of in his apartment. Arin can’t help but shudder when he thinks of that apartment. No one deserves to live in such horrible conditions. Dan certainly doesn’t. 

Arin eats a bowl of the overly-cheesy mac ‘n cheese, and checks the time. 

Shit, he’s late. 

Quickly, he writes a quick message down on a sticky note and slaps it onto the bathroom mirror. He heads out the door, locking the door behind him. 

-

Dan wakes up. A pillow is in his arms. A really nice pillow. A really soft pillow. 

That’s all he has to know to realize that this isn’t his bed. He rubs his eyes, and looks around. The bed is empty, but he knows where he is. Arin’s apartment. 

He’s kind of sad that Arin left, but one of them has a job and the other doesn’t. It’s only fair. Dan puts the pillow back, and pushes the blanket off. His ankle looks a little better. The swelling has gone down just a bit, but the bruise is just as vivid. 

Dan wonders if he stayed up all night taking care of him again. He doesn’t think so.  
The ache in his ankle isn’t as bad anymore, either. He goes to the bathroom. God, he can taste the bad morning breath. And it doesn’t taste like cotton candy, that’s for sure. He has to do a double take. There’s a sticky note on the mirror.

Breakfast is mac ‘n cheese. Lunch is in the fridge. Ice pack in the freezer, Painkillers on the coffee table. Call me if anything goes wrong.

Arin’s phone number is written in sloppy numbers, but Dan can still read it. God, did Dan really not have Arin’s number? And he’s been living here for two days. Three? Two? Dan doesn’t really know. 

But mac ‘n cheese sounds nice. He brushes his teeth with his glittery blue toothbrush, and heads to the living room. Arin has kept his word. Dan can smell cheese in the air, and the bottle of painkillers is on the coffee table in front of the couch. 

He eats a bowl of mac ‘n cheese, then a second bowl. Then half of a third bowl. 

The day is seemingly dragging along. Dan starts to wonder if Arin has a password on his laptop, so maybe Dan can watch Youtube or something. 

Then there’s a knock. Dan looks around. It wasn’t from the door.

There’s a muffled “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” and the sound of a window opening. Someone jumps in. Dan’s on his feet immediately. He had completely forgotten about the fire escape, and someone just came in through the window. 

“Uh… Hi?” Dan says. He’s unsure of what to say. 

A short woman was standing in front of the window, staring at Dan. She’s wearing a short sleeved shirt that shows off a tattoo that reaches up to her shoulder. She has a blond streak in her hair that reminder Dan of Arin’s blond streak. Her makeup is perfect, and she has wings sharp enough to cut your hand on. Dan can easily imagine her as part of the makeup crew for the theatre that he used to dance at. 

“Hiii.” The woman says, cautiously. Dan looks around. She doesn’t look like she wants to hurt him, but he’s not taking any chances. He takes a few steps back. 

“Are you...Um… Looking for Arin?” Dan tries to think of his last name. Oh yeah. “Arin Hanson?” 

“I’m not looking for him, but I know he lives here.” she says with a degree of confidence that makes Dan believe that she isn’t lying. 

“Um. I’m Dan. I’m staying here for a while.” he says. If this woman knows Arin, enough to casually break into his house, then Dan better stay on her good side. Plus, she seems scary. Anyone who can do perfect makeup and symmetrical wings is someone to be wary of. 

“He didn’t tell me about that.” she says. She casually strolls through the living room, stopping at the dining table. She picks up the sticky note. Her eyes read the note, and Dan feels unusually exposed. It’s just a note, he tries to rationalize. But it was Arin’s note to him, not this woman. 

“Oh. I guess you aren’t lying.” she says, and puts the sticky note back onto the table. She seems much more approachable now. There’s something in her voice now that seems soft and familiar. “Hi, I’m Suzy. I live in the apartment right above Arin’s.” She walks towards Dan. He doesn’t make any moves to go towards her. 

“Um… I’m Dan… Uh… Sorry, I’m just a little worried. I just want to make sure that you aren’t gonna kill me or anything.” Dan stammers, taking a step back. Suzy nods, and she sits down on the couch. She seems perfectly at home here. 

“That’s fair. Feel free to test me. I’m not lying about knowing Arin, I promise.” she says. Dan nods, and thinks. What’s a question that people that know Arin would know?

“What’s… his job?” Dan asks. That seems like a good enough question. 

“He works at Disney as an animator.” she replies without hesitation. Dan nods. 

“Yeah, that’s right. Um… I really don’t know. I’m… I’m gonna call him.” Dan says. Suzy nods. 

“That’s fine, yeah.” 

Dan tries his best to go around Suzy in a big arch, and he types in the phone number onto his phone. It rings twice, and a familiar voice picks up. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi, Arin. It’s Dan.” 

“Oh, what’s up? Is something wrong?” There’s immediate concern in his voice, and Dan can’t help but blush. 

“Yeah… Wait, no. No, I don’t think so.” Dan rushes. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well… There’s a girl in your apartment. She kinda got in through the window. Her name’s Suzy.” 

“Oh, yeah.” There’s obvious relief in his voice. “Suzy’s my best friend. Don’t worry, she’ll harmless as long as you don’t piss her off. Say hi to her for me!” 

There’s a relief that blooms in Dan’s chest. So this woman isn’t going to stab him. That’s nice. 

“Alright. Bye!” 

“Bye!” 

Dan hangs up, and turns to Suzy, who’s watching expectantly.

“Yeah, Arin says that you won’t murder me. So I’ll blame him if you kill me.” Dan says. Suzy nods. 

“That seems fair.” Suzy stares at Dan’s face for a moment. Dan’s eyes shift away. He felt awkward and hot with this stranger staring at his face. “Actually, wait a second… I feel like I know you.” This surprises Dan. 

“Uh… Really? I feel like you would remember you? No offense but you kinda scare me.” Dan says. Suzy laughs.

“It’s fine.” She takes a step forward, and Dan takes a step back. It’s become almost second nature not to trust strangers. His past didn’t help him all that much with people skills. Suzy notices. 

“Hey, I’m not gonna hurt you. I promise, plus Arin told you about me. I just wanna see your face.” Suzy says in a hushed voice. Dan nods, and takes a deep breath. He pushes his curly hair out of his face, and smiles. Suzy stares for a little longer. 

“By any chance, are you a ballerina?” 

“Actually, I am.” Dan says. So this person must watch his ballets. She gasps. 

“Oh my God, Arin actually did it.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Sit down, we have a lot to talk about.”


	7. Ballerina! AU Part 7

“Did Arin tell you how he first saw you?” Suzy asks, her voice high and excited. Dan is a little confused, but he sits down on the couch anyways. 

“Yeah, a friend took him to my ballet, right?” Dan asks. Suzy nods, vigorously. Dan worries that she might have gone insane. 

“Well, I’m that friend! I got the idea of studying ballerinas! For the animations that we work on, right?” Suzy almost shouts. Dan suddenly understands her excitement. She’s seen this ‘bond’ of theirs grow, and now it was finally starting. 

“You? You work with Arin?” Dan asks, his hands are shaking just a little bit, and his breathing is just a tad bit off. Suzy nods again. She’s excited to tell Dan this story, so he decides to stay quiet for just a little while. 

“So, I thought that I could take Arin with me, right? He was down in the dumps. He was… in a really bad place. So I thought maybe some fresh air would help. So I dragged him to the ballet. And he sits down, and he still looks sad and bored and all that, but then the ballet starts.” Suzy takes a breath. “And you get on stage.” 

Me? Dan thinks. So what?

“It’s literally like someone flipped a switch in his brain. I saw him smile for the first time in a week, and he’s getting excited. I know it doesn’t really sound like a big deal, but he had been depressed for a while, and this was a big deal to Arin. So I’m watching him instead of the ballet, right? And I notice something.” Suzy’s starting to get excited, her words rushing out. Dan’s starting to get lost. Arin was depressed? Dan doesn’t mean to be rude, but Arin seems perfectly normal and healthy now. But he stays quiet for the sake of the story. 

“He was watching you. Nothing but you. It was like you put a spell on him or something, and he had this look on his face.” Suzy says with a faint smile, like she can still feel the relief of that day. “I really thought I was losing him, Dan. But after that day, he started getting better. Working harder, taking better care of himself, going out more often. By ‘going out’ I mean going to more of your ballets.” Dan’s face flushes. Dan didn’t know anything about all of this, Arin’s depression that was caused by “being in a bad place”. He wonders what that meant, but Suzy cuts off that thought. 

“You saved his life.” Suzy whispers, her small hand on his own. Dan looks down at her hand, thinking for a second. 

“No. Arin… Arin wouldn’t do that. That’s not like him.” Dan whispers. Arin would never just do that, would he? Take his own life? He imagines Arin. His goofy smile, his loving personality, his protectiveness, his thoughtfulness. 

“It’s not the Arin that you know. It’s the Arin that I knew, a year ago. You saved him. You really did, Dan. There’s been a spark in his eyes since that day. And now, he’s finally met you.” Suzy’s voice is soft and sincere. 

It bothers Dan. Why would Arin ever want to hurt himself? Dan knows what that feels like, and it makes him shudder to that very day. Why would Arin want to do that? 

“Suzy… I don’t really know what to think right now.” Dan nervously runs a hand through his hair. He knows that it was a year ago, but his hands are shaking right now. He’s scared for Arin’s health, a year after the danger has passed. 

“Yeah, I get it. It’s a lot of information to process. But don’t worry. I’ve been watching Arin, and he’s genuinely gotten so much better. And you being here only makes him happier.” Suzy says, heading to the kitchen. 

He knows that Suzy knows Arin better than he does. He knows that Arin probably trusts Suzy more than he trusts Dan. He knows that Suzy’s known him for far longer, but it still doesn’t change the fact. He wants to hear Arin say this. It isn’t that he doesn’t trust her, it’s more of the fact that Suzy isn’t Arin and doesn’t know the full story. 

Is this maybe why Arin is so determined to help Dan? Because he knows what it feels like to be in a low in his life? To pay back a debt that Dan never knew existed? 

“But why? I get it that I helped him with animations, and that he got better and all of that stuff, but why did he get better in the first place?” Dan asks, standing up. The ache in his ankle reminds Dan of how much time Arin put into his recovery, just in the span of a few days. Suzy looks at him from the kitchen, the fridge door still open. 

“Really?” she asks. Dan shrugs. There’s something missing in this picture. “He has a cr-” 

Dan’s phone rings and cuts off the end of that sentence. He picks it up immediately when he sees the caller ID. 

“Hey Arin.” Dan says. Suzy smiles, and goes back to hunting for food. 

“Hey Dan. Just checking in. Have you eaten lunch yet?” Arin asks, obviously eating lunch himself. Dan smiles. 

“Not yet. Suzy’s finding something for us right now.” 

“Well, make sure to put ice on your ankle. Get loads of rest. Painkillers, water, all that good stuff.” 

“I’m not a kid, I know how to take care of myself.” Dan tries to soothe Arin’s protective nature. He hears a scoff. 

“If that was true, you wouldn’t have a sprained ankle in the first place.” 

“Well that’s rude. Maybe I’ll rob your house.” 

“Go for it.” Both of them laugh. 

“Well, my lunch break is just about to end. I’ll be home by five, alright?” Arin asks. Dan nods. 

“Yeah, see you then.” 

“Bye.” 

“Bye.” 

Suzy holds out a container that came from the freezer. 

“Lunch is dumplings!” she shouts, putting the frozen dumplings on a plate, and shoving the plate into the microwave. Dan completely forgets to ask what Suzy was saying before the phone rang. 

Lunch is delicious, and Dan leanrs that Suzy resembles Arin in many ways. She’s just as humorous, kind, and thoughtful. But she’s not Arin. 

Maybe that’s why talking to her comes so much more easily. 

She shares her backstory, about her family, how she’s the youngest of six kids, and how her twin sister is only a few seconds older than her. She talks about how she met Arin at an anime convention three years ago. How they began working with each other, Suzy as a model, and Arin using her poses in the movies that he animated. Suzy got tired of modeling, and this year she swapped her job for animator, which wasn’t really all that difficult since she had Arin’s support and she had already helped with many animating project at the Disney headquarters. She talks about how Arin became her best friend, and how they got the matching blond streak after a drunk night out, but they both decided to keep it. It’s a nice reminder of their friendship. 

Dan loves this story. It’s so sweet, so nice and friendly. 

“We dated for a while, too, but that didn’t work out.” Suzy ends the story with that line. This catches Dan’s attention. 

“Why not? It seems like you guys would be perfect for each other.” Dan asks. It’s a genuine question, but at the same time it feels like Dan’s doing something wrong. Suzy thinks for a moment. 

“He… met someone new.” she answers with. Dan’s heart sinks just a little. Oh.

“Is he seeing anyone right now?” 

“Not that I know of. And I know Arin.” she says, drinking the last of her orange juice. Arin really likes orange juice, since he keeps three cartons of the stuff in his fridge at once. 

“Oh. Just...I just wanted to know.” Dan explains, and it only seems more suspicious, even to him. Suzy raises an eyebrow. 

“And why do you want to know?” Suzy asks. Dan opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Why did he want to know? Suzy gives him a long look. 

“Well, I guess I should leave soon. Arin usually makes me do chores if he knows that I’ve been eating his food.” Suzy shrugs. It’s nearly time for Arin to come home now, and Suzy is already heading to the window that she got in through nearly six or seven hours ago. 

“Wait...um…” Suzy pauses, looking back at him. Dan isn’t sure why he’s asking Suzy this, but it was worth a shot. 

“Has… Has Arin ever dated a guy? Like, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I just… wanted to know.” Dan mumbles. There’s a change in Suzy, there’s a look in her eyes.   
Sadness, anger, fear, all in one look. 

“I...I think you should talk to Arin about that. It’s not really my business to go around telling people who Arin’s dated-” Suzy starts. Dan knew this was a bad idea. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry, it was kinda weird of me to ask-” he awkwardly begins to apologize.

“But! I do think you should talk to Arin about it. It’s not… It’s not fun. It’s really bad, but he trusts you. And I think you might be able to help him.” Suzy thinks for a second. Dan isn’t sure what she’s talking about, but it brings a sinking feeling in his chest. If it’s what he’s imagining, Arin and Dan might have more in common than what he first thought. “Just bring it up lightly. And if he reacts… badly… tell him that I want him to talk about it. That should help.” Suzy whispers. She has a conflicted look on her face. 

“Is it…” Dan isn’t even sure what he’s going to say, but there are so many scenarios spinning in his head. Suzy turns around, and walks to him. She’s much shorter, but she looks up to stare him in the eyes. There’s a flame in her look. This is someone that Dan does not want to trifle with, this is a friend that would protect Arin until the end. 

“Dan, I really think that you have something special with Arin. I’m not sure what it is, but there’s something different between the bond you have with him. It’s different than my friendship with him. And I really think that you’ve connected with him in a… way that will help both of you. I don’t know what you’ve been through in your past, but I do know what happened to Arin. And you could help him.” Suzy breathes, her body relaxing. There are tears in her eyes. She wipes them away, gently. Her makeup smears just a little. “I’m asking you as a person that loves him. And you love him. You have to help him. Promise?” Her voice is just a little more than a whisper by the end of her speech, and Dan is speechless. 

“Yeah. Promise.” He manages a few moments later. Suzy nods. 

“Take care of him.” she says. And she strolls to the window, opens it, and steps out onto the fire escape in what seems like one fluid movement. Dan is left alone, listening to her heavy boots on the metal of the fire escape. He goes through everything as he goes to close the window and cleans the dishes. 

What was so bad about Arin’s past? Why was it only brought up when Dan asked if Arin dated men? How could Dan help? And how was his bond with Arin different than the one that Arin and Suzy had? 

And why does his mind keep going back to the part where Suzy says that Dan loves Arin. It wasn’t a question. It was just a statement. And a fact. 

Dan puts away the last of the dishes back into their places in the cabinet. He could have just put them in the dishwasher, but he needed something to do while he thought. And at least this way, it feels like he did something while Arin was at work. 

He’s washing his hands when he hears the keys jingling, and Arin opens the door. 

“Hey Dan!” Arin shouts. Dan blankly stares at him before showing him a faint smile. Arin can almost immediately see that something’s wrong. 

“Hey, Arin.” Dan says, with much less energy than Arin’s greeting. Arin’s smile fades a little. 

“You alright, man?” he asks, stepping towards Dan, with his arms out like he’s worried that Dan might fall and he’ll have to catch him. Dan nods. Then thinks. 

“Yeah. My ankle isn’t bothering me much. I took the painkillers and used the ice pack and all that stuff. Thanks.” This time, Dan seems a little more energetic, but still tired. Arin isn’t sure what it is, but he’s worried. Dan dries his hands, and heads to the couch. Arin follows. 

“So did you and Suzy have a nice talk?” Arin asks. He’s trying anything to get his old Dan back, the person that is always laughing, the one that Arin feels like he can trust, the one that pulled him out of his depression, the one that inspires him and his work. Dan sits down the couch, and Arin sits down next to him. He has a worried, thoughtful look on his face. 

“Yeah, Suzy and I talked about… a lot of stuff.” Dan thinks for a little while longer. Arin doesn’t try to change the topic. It seems important to Dan. “I asked her a question about you, just out of curiosity.” 

“And what was it?” Arin’s not sure where this is going, but he has full trust in both Suzy and Dan. Suzy would never share anything about him that he didn’t want her to share. And Dan wouldn’t ask anything that would purposefully harm Arin. Dan goes silent. He isn’t thinking anymore. He’s gathering up courage to tell Arin. He’s not sure what the weight of this question is, or why it’s connected so strongly to Arin’s past, but Suzy is right. Dan does love Arin, and she loves him too. 

And she asked Dan to do this for her. 

“I asked her… If you’ve ever dated men?” Dan tentatively asks, carefully watching Arin’s face.

And it feels like a punch to the gut. For both of them.


	8. Ballerina! AU Part 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slight mentions of rape/abuse, please be careful when reading!

Arin knows that Dan doesn’t know the harm, the history, or the pain behind that question. But it hurts all the same. It feels like someone punched him in the gut, a knife to the heart. Arin’s shoulders suddenly feel very burdened, and Dan wants to take back his question. 

“And what did Suzy say? About your question?” Arin asks. He knows that Suzy would never talk about him behind his back, but the paranoia is getting to him. 

“She said to ask you. She…. uh… said it was personal and she asked me to ask you…” Dan watches Arin’s shoulders relax just a little bit. “And she said I could help you. She didn’t say about what, though.” Dan rushes out the last bit. He didn’t want to break Arin’s trust. 

Arin knew that he could trust Suzy. She was always there, always reliable. He sighs, and turns to look at Dan. The man that did so much for him, and didn’t even know. This was someone that he trusted, so much. This was someone that he loved. This was someone that was worried because of him. Dan’s eyebrows were furrowed, and there was no judgement, not a single angry look. There was just sadness, and worry and this softness that drew him in so deep. 

“Yeah…” Arin says, swallowing. Dan watches, carefully as Arin leans back on the couch, and stares at the ceiling. “Dan? I need you to promise me something.” 

“Anything.” 

And it hurts so much more for some reason. Dan wants to help him so much, Arin can hear how he really means that one word. He can feel his heart crack under pressure. 

“I need you to promise me that you won’t hate me. Even after what I say.” That’s what he worries about. Dan seeing him the same way he sees himself. Worthless and pathetic and helpless.

“Arin… I’m not really sure what this is all about, but you would really have to go and do some really horrible, shitty things to make me hate you. And by horrible and shitty I mean, like, go out and stab an innocent little baby or something.” Arin laughs a little. He can feel his throat tightening up, and tears starting to blur his vision. 

“You think babies can be guilty?” Arin asks. Dan sees the look on Arin’s face, the pain that he’s feeling. 

“We’re all guilty of something. And that’s okay.” 

And it hits him so hard, every single emotion that he’s bottled up, everything he hasn’t said, everything he did wrong, every negative thought, all hits him at once. He’s crying.   
Dan rushes forward to Arin’s hunched figure, and wraps his arms around him. He can feel Arin sobbing, and he only holds on tighter. 

Whatever this problem is, it’s bad. 

Arin feels every wound reopen, every hurtful word echoing in his mind, and it’s like he can finally feel again, instead of ignoring all the pain. Here is a person that can help. Here is a person that wants to help. Here is a person that he trusts with this. He takes a deep breath, and Dan is still clinging on. Slowly, he lets go. 

“Did Suzy tell you how we met?” 

Dan shakes his head, his curly hair just a milisecond behind, and continues shaking for a heartbeat after his head stops. It makes Arin smile a little. 

“Okay… I guess… Uh…” Arin doesn’t know where to start. He’s not even sure that he can start. Dan’s hand moves to his forearm. 

“Hey. Whatever this problem is, it’s really… personal. You can take your time. You don’t even have to tell me today, or ever. It’s all up to you, Arin.” Dan’s voice is so soft and reassuring.   
Arin wants to tell him. Dan has trusted him with so much. It’s time to trust Dan. 

“Yeah. Alright.” Arin takes a deep breath. Dan waits. “I was dating this guy. Maybe two years ago. His name was John, right? And I thought it was going great, I moved in with him, we had nicknames and everything.” Arin shudders. Despite what he’s saying, Dan doubts that it was great. “I called him Jontron. And I thought it was great.” 

There’s a pause, a moment where Dan realizes where this story might be heading. They might have much more in common than he thought. 

“And we dated for maybe… Eight months? And I didn’t realize it then, but he was… changing. He was getting more aggressive. Every time time I had a problem, it was swept aside like I was… like I was nothing.” Arin hisses, “And every time he had a problem… I was supposed to be there for him. I was supposed to… put my happiness and safety on the line for his entertainment and comfort. And the thing is with these sort of things, you don’t realize that they’re happening a lot of the time. It’s just… normal. It becomes the new normal. And then, near the end of our relationship, there was…” Arin trails off. 

Dan notices how tightly Arin’s hands are balled into fists, how shaky his breathing has gotten, how many tears now rolled down his face. Dan’s hand covers Arin’s fist. His tight grip loosens, and Dan’s hand slips in. 

“He… did things to me. And I left. And this girl let me stay at her place. Suzy. She didn’t even know me.” Arin does this thing between a laugh and a sob. Relief and pain. “She trusted me so much. But… I didn’t tell her what happened. I guess she just figured it out on her own. So I stayed there for a week or so. And I went back to him.” Arin’s voice becomes a sob. 

“I went back… I went… back… to him.” he’s repeating it like it’s unbelievable. And it really is. Dan is frozen now. 

“And he was vicious. He did things to me that I never want anyone to go through. He hurt me in ways that…” Arin groans, like this is causing him physical pain. 

“Arin…” 

“And I left! I left him and I just ran to Suzy’s place, and I didn’t have ANYTHING! I didn’t even have time to pack! And Suzy…” Arin stops yelling. Dan wonders for a split second if Suzy can hear this. He wonders if her heart is breaking in the same way that Dan’s is right now. “And she tried so hard to keep me… afloat. And I was in such a horrible place, I just… I was ready to end it all.”

This brings tears to Dan’s eyes. 

“And Suzy was really trying her best. She was doing everything. She took me out dancing, to libraries and parks, and she was really trying. I was just sinking too fast. And then, I was really thinking about ending it. I had a plan and a note all written down. And then she took me…” 

Arin has to wipe away tears, and Dan does too. 

“She took me to a ballet. And I…” The nervousness has built up again. “And I fell in love. So hard. And it just kinda… Everything that I thought love was… was wrong. And I was so inspired, and I cared about this person so much and I was amazed and…” 

A ballet. Dan thinks, stunned. A ballet. 

“And I got out of that hole. It took a while, lots of therapy and help from Suzy, but I really did get better. And I kept on going to those ballets.” Arin seemed finished. Exhausted and drained. But Dan needed to know what last thing. 

“And then what happened?” He asks. They both know what happened. But it was just in their minds. Dan needed it out in the world. In the air. 

“And the idiot I fell in love with fell and sprained his ankle.” Dan stares at Arin, and he smiles, this big goofy smile. So that’s what made Arin the person he is. All this horrible stuff, all this terrifying past, and then… Dan. Arin talks about Dan like he’s the light of his life, like he was the saving grace. In a way, he was. 

And Dan pulls in for another hug. His breathing comes in sobs, shaking his entire body. He can feel Arin hugging him, too. 

And then, his sobbing becomes laughing. And Arin is laughing. 

And their both laughing. It feels like home again. Laughing for no reason. 

“I love you.” Dan says. “So much.” Dan’s head is buried in Arin’s chest. He can feel Arin’s chest stop heaving. And he can feel Arin tighten the hug, just a little. 

“I love you. You redefined love for me.” 

They sit like that for a while. 

And everything seems so broken, and so fixed at the same time.


	9. Ballerina! AU Part 9

The rest of the day was cut short, Dan made pancakes, which they ate on the couch on trays, sitting close to each other. Arin rolled his up, like a burrito, and dipped it in syrup. They were both exhausted, and thrilled. The words were still in the air, like static, tickling them and occasionally shocking them. 

I love you. 

The words were in the world now, so real that it felt like it was physically lifting a burden off of them. 

“Some part of me feels like the pancake thinks that’s disrespectful.” Dan points out, ripping off a small part of his pancake and eating it. Arin rolls another pancake and dips it into the bowl of syrup and takes a bite. “You’re pretty much rolling up the pancake into a blunt.” 

“Pancakes have my respect, just not in my methods of eating them.” Arin dips the rolled up pancake in syrup and takes another bite. Dan already has sticky fingers. He imagines that Arin probably has to take a shower today to get the syrup off of him. 

“That’s fair.” Dan says. The sun is still in the sky, but both of them were almost too tired to stay awake. It was only 7 in the afternoon, and they were eating pancakes because they were too drained to make anything else. They had spent a good half an hour just crying, hugging each other on the couch. There was a strange feeling, where relief meets sadness. Where excitement meets exhaustion. “Hey, Arin? I might go to bed soon. I’m really tired.” 

Arin nods, eating the rest of his pancake. Their trays were nearly empty now, just a few crumbs of fallen pancakes and the tiny little bowls of syrup. Arin heads to the kitchen, and Dan goes to the bathroom. His hands are sticky with sweet syrup, but it’s certainly a lovely smell. He washes it off, brushes his teeth, and washes his face. 

He has to do a double take when he catches a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. His eyes are red from crying. His hand flutters up to his face, gently touching his cheek. The red in his eyes looks almost painful. He looks horrible, his hair clumped up from dried tears, his shirt is wrinkled from hugging Arin for so long, he looks exhausted. He tries to ignore the image of himself and heads to his room, and changes into a green Stegosaurus tee shirt, and a pair of thick sweatpants. Arin follows soon after, brushing his hair, washing his face, and brushing his teeth. Dan watches from his seat on the bed. It’s calming in a way to see Arin take care of himself, even though he looks just as horrible as Dan. His hair is tangled in some places and it makes it difficult to brush it, and his eyes are half closed and tired. 

Arin shoots a tired smile in Dan’s direction before he rummages through his closet for more comfortable clothes. Dan’s still not sure where to look, even though he’s already seen Arin in his underwear, and vice versa. Arin wouldn’t change in front of him if he wasn’t comfortable, but at the same time, the things that he learned about Arin made him only feel that much more like a bad person. He doesn’t want to invade his privacy, although if Arin wanted privacy he would’ve changed in the bathroom with the door closed. 

Arin is chubby where Dan is thin, which is everywhere. He has a chubby pouch on his stomach, his arms are thicker, more soft. He has soft curves everywhere, and you can’t see a single pointy bone in his entire body. 

He looks absolutely stunning. 

Arin climbs into bed, not grabbing a book this time. He’s too tired for books today. Dan gets under the sheets. It’s still too early for them to be going to bed, and even with the lights off and the blinds shut, the room is illuminated with orange light from the awake city outside of their window. 

Arin’s facing Dan, and Dan is facing Arin. Both of them are tired, staring at nothing, but then slowly… they lock eyes. And laugh. 

What a silly world they live in. Arin reaches out a hand, in front of his face, and Dan takes it. They both doze off, too tired to care much about anything.

-

Dan wakes up. It’s still early, since he can see the sky through the blinds. The sky is the same polished blue that it was the night that Arin brought him here. Was that really only a few days ago? So much has changed since then. 

Dan has his back to Arin, but he can tell that he’s still there, because of the two arms wrapped around his middle. Arin’s body is warm and soft. Dan sighs. Was it just yesterday that he said ‘I love you” to Arin? It feels like infinities have passed since then. It feels like he’s known Arin for lifetimes. He loves this, this physical and emotion affection that we both have for each other. 

Dan gently pries off Arin’s arms. As much as he loves this, he needs to shower. It’s been days. It feels freezing when he leaves the bed without Arin’s warmth. He runs to the bathroom, and closes the door. He runs water for his shower, and checks himself in the mirror. He doesn’t look too bad, actually he looks better. He looks down at his ankle. 

It’s still bruised, but the swelling has almost completely disappeared. It still hurts, but it’s barely noticeable. It only really hurts if he rolls his ankle the wrong way, and the damaged ligaments are disturbed. But besides that, he’s almost fine again. Through Arin’s care and dedication, the six week recovery time has been cut down immensely. 

The shower is finally warm, and Dan leaves his clothes on a pile on the floor. The water’s too hot at first, but he doesn’t mind. It helps him relax and wake up at the same time. 

And of course Arin has mango scented shampoo. 

Dan leaves the shower fifteen minutes later, his hair smelling like mango, and the rest of him smelling like “Moonlight Path”. He isn’t sure who in Bath and Body Works are naming these things, but he’s pretty sure moonlit paths don’t smell like this. He’s about to put his clothes back on, but he notices a bright green bathrobe hanging on the doorknob. 

Arin owns the weirdest, randomest shit. But Dan wears it. It’s too big, and the belt goes around his waist twice before he ties it. He leaves the bathroom, and dumps his dirty clothes on his duffle bag, in the corner of Arin’s room. He should really wash those clothes soon. They smell too much like Dan’s old apartment and bad memories. 

It’s so strange that he’s already referring to his apartment as his “old apartment”, like this was his new apartment. I guess it was, in a way. Arin’s just starting to wake up. Dan doesn’t really feel that uncomfortable anymore. The bathrobe covers everything, and Arin has already seen him in his underwear before. It’s nothing that he hasn’t seen before. 

“Morning.” Dan says. Arins rolls under the sheets

“Maghhh.” the lump under the sheets groans, and Arin can hear Dan’s laugh. 

“I took a shower. It’s still pretty early, and you need to go to work.” Dan says. Arin groans (again), and childishly rolls on the bed for a few moments (again). 

“Is that my bathrobe?” Arin asks when he finally does sit up.

“Yeah. Why green? And why mango shampoo?” Dan asks with a smile. 

“Green is niceeee… and mango is niceeee. And I waking up is not niceeee.” Arin groans more. Dan laughs, and walks to Arin’s side of the bed. 

“C’mon.” Dan’s hands wrap around Arin’s wrists, and gently pull him up into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. Arin rubs his eyes, and yawns. Then he leans forward, and hugs Dan. Arin’s sitting and Dan is standing, so it’s more like Arin hugged Dan’s stomach, with his face buried in Dan’s chest. Dan hugs Arin’s head. 

“After you change, can you put the bathrobe in the bathroom?” Arin asks, muffled by said bathrobe. Dan laughs, playing with Arin’s hair. 

“Sure.” 

“Thanks.” Arin stands up, they’re chest to chest. So close, Dan has to step back, just a little bit. Arin smiles, and leans in. Dan’s frozen. Another hug. He relaxes. He should have more trust in Arin. He wouldn’t do anything without asking permission. Arin’s too careful to do anything that might even possibly hurt Dan. 

Arin heads to the bathroom, and Dan picks up his duffle bag and rummages through it. The shoe box is still there, unopened. Dan thinks of yesterday, with Arin’s past. This shoebox is Dan’s past. And he wonders if Arin would still love him if he told him. He ignores the sinking feeling and he finds a shirt that isn’t too dirty, a plain sky blue tank top and black sweatpants. 

He opens the bathroom door, and it immediately hit with the humid air and the smell of mangos on moonlit paths. He laughs. 

“It smells like mangos!” he says, hanging up the bathrobe on the doorknob. 

“It’s supposed to!” Arin shouts back, obviously amused. Dan closes the door. Since Arin was in the shower, he could at least make breakfast. He heads to the kitchen. There are menus for take out stuck on the fridge door, and the counter has bread, peanut butter, and a toaster. But Dan wants to make something for Arin. He searches the fridge. It’s full of food. Eggs, cheese, orange juice, milk, butter, a few untouched beers, condiments, and a few containers of leftovers.

Cheesy omelet? If he can remember how much cheese he’s supposed to use, it might taste good. He gets four eggs, three slices of cheese, milk, and butter. It only takes a few moments to find a bowl, two plates, a pan, a spatula, and a fork. It’s all in his mind. He used to watch his mom make this so many times. 

Heat up the pan on the stove. Beat the eggs with a fork. Forks are easier to clean than whisks. Add milk to make it softer and fluffier. Melt just a little bit of butter on the pan. Pour half the mixture into the pan. Tear the slices of cheese and put them on the omelet. Wait. Flip it. Fold it in half, and put it on a plate. Repeat. 

And then there were two cheesy omelets. It didn’t smell exactly like how he remembered, but it still seemed good. God, it’s been ages since he made his mom’s cheesy omelets. 

He cleans up, puts the plates on the table where they eat, puts down a pile of forks on the table with a smile. Ketchup bottle, a cup of coffee for Arin, just water for Dan. Dan hears the water shut off, and Arin heads immediately to the bedroom in his green bathrobe. It seems that he’s done with his shower. 

It only takes a minute for Arin to head to the living room in jeans and a plaid shirt. He’s still trying to dry his hair with a free hand when he spots Dan, and the food on the table. 

“What’s this?” Arin asks, sitting down. Dan shrugs, and sits down. 

“Breakfast. Cheesy omelets.” Dan smiles. “Bone apple tit.” 

Dan grabs two forks. Arin grabs three. Dan grabs another two. Arin stick his tongue out, and they both dig in. 

“This is really good!” Arin says between mouthfuls of cheesy omelet and coffee. Dan smiles. 

“It’s my mom’s recipe.” 

“Wow. You’re mom’s really good at making amazing things. This omelet recipe and you.” They both laugh. 

“That’s the weirdest possible way to flirt.” Dan points out. Arin shrugs.

“There’s no law on how to flirt. And even if there were, I would break them anyways.” Dan shakes his head, finishing off the last of his omelet. 

“You’re terrible.” Arin finishes his omelet, and drinks his coffee. Dan grabs the plates, and cups. Arin grabs the excess of forks. They dump all the dirty dishes in the sink, and Arin puts back the blean forks. Dan checks the time. 

“Don’t you have to leave soon? It’s already 8:30.” Dan points out. 

“Oh, yeah.” Arin jumps into action, running to his bedroom for socks, his laptop and his drawing tablet, his phone and keys. 

“Wait! What should I do!” Dan asks just as Arin is about to leave. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I feel weird just staying here without doing anything. Like… I don’t know, go grocery shopping or something?” Arin looks thoughtful for a moment. 

“Laundry. Dishes. Don’t die.” Arin says with a smile. The door closes, and Dan can hear Arin’s footsteps faded. 

Laundry. Dishes. Don’t die.

Dan can do that. His clothes need washing, anyways. He heads to the bedroom, grabbing his entire duffle bag. All of his clothes need to be washed. There are a few articles of clothing on the floor that are Arin’s, and he grabs those, too. He separates underwear from clothing, and tosses the shirts, pants, and socks in the washer. The duffle bag is much lighter. He only has clean a dozen and a half pairs of boxers. Fourteen of those boxers are Dan’s anyways. There’s the ballerina costume as well. Dan isn’t quite sure what to do with it, so he hangs it on a cloth rack in Arin’s closet. Dan certainly don’t have a use for it anymore. Maybe Arin can use it for designing some sort of Disney character. 

He’s in the kitchen, putting dishes in the dishwasher when he hears a knock on the window. He wishes his hands, and opens the window. Suzy squeezes in. She’s wearing a plain yellow shirt with black sweatpants. 

“Hey.” Dan welcomes her in as casually as he can. She’s coming in through the window. Casual is difficult. 

“Hey. I heard yelling yesterday.” Suzy looks around, and once she’s made sure Arin isn’t there, she turns back to Dan. 

“Did you talk to him?” she asks. The desperate look on her face is back. 

“Yeah. We talked about… a lot of the stuff that happened in his life.” Dan says. Suzy doesn’t press him. They both know that personal things should stay personal. Dan’s pretty sure that Suzy already knows the full story, and Arin said that she probably figured it out on her own, but it’s a different thing to just tell her. 

“What was the yelling?” 

“He was… angry. He said that you knew what happened. And he was yelling because of all the mistakes that he made, I guess.” Suzy nods. Dan is silent. She seems to be the smarter one out of the two of them. She was friendly, and protective, but there were moments where Dan saw what a dangerous person she could be. Moments of seriousness and the fierce love that she has for Arin. Dan understood how difficult it must have been for both of them. 

“And then? What happened? Did he seem angry, sad, or what?” 

“Uh… He seemed relieved. Like, really sad and angry, but… like a weight was off his shoulders.” Suzy nods, and waits for more. “He… He said that he loved me.” he feels like a little kid having their first crush. It seems so silly. 

Suzy smiles. 

“I told you should talk to him.” Suzy seems much more relaxed, but the worry is still there. She sits on the couch, and Dan goes back to the kitchen. There aren’t many dishes left. “What are you gonna do now?” 

Dan puts away another fork. 

“I’m gonna put away another three forks, and coffee mug,” Dan smiles when he hears Suzy’s groan. 

“You know what I’m talking about.” Dan puts away three forks as he thinks. 

“I’m really not sure. What he said… I don’t know if he’s ready for another relationship. But… I’ll stay here with him until I have to leave… I’ll help him in any way I can.” He puts the coffee cup in the dishwasher, and closes the door. He clicks the “wash” button, and hears a rumble. 

“And what if he doesn’t want you to leave?” Suzy asks. It’s strange to hear the question out loud, the question that all three of them have been wondering this entire time. Arin, Dan, and Suzy. 

“Well, I don’t know what he’s comfortable with-” 

“Dan. Do you really think that he wouldn’t have told you? He’s a very open person, you know. He asks if people are okay with a lot of things. He would have told you if he felt weird living with you.” Dan blushes. She doesn’t even know about them sharing a bed. 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

They stay in silence as Dan washes and dries his hands. 

“You should move in.” Suzy says. Her voice is isn’t joking or teasing. It’s plain and simple, just like the moments of seriousness that Arin will have. “You’re already pretty much living here. 

“I’ve lived here for a few days!” Dan shouts. It’s insane now that he says it out loud. Less than a week, and Suzy wants him to move in. 

“But he trusts you,” there’s almost a snarl to her voice. Dan turns to look at her. She has that spark of fiery protectiveness for Arin, “He’s shared things with you that he hasn’t told me for the past year and a half. He’s gotten so much happier since you came into his life, am I wrong?” she demands. Even though Suzy’s on the other side of the room and she’s a good half a foot short than him, he still flinches. She tackles questions and answers that Dan doesn’t feel ready to. She brings these problems out of his head and into the real world. 

No. She was right. But Dan was a naturally nervous person. And Suzy loved Arin more than anything on this earth.

“I know that it feels like you’re rushing it, but how long did you actually know him before you slept in his house? And how long was it before he trusted it with a past that’s torn his life apart? You two naturally clicked together, you guys move fast.” Suzy points out. She’s not quite angry, just being strict and straightforward. “Arin helped you, and you can help Arin, right?” 

Dan nods. 

“I don’t really know what your situation is, but from what I know, this is the best choice of action.” Suzy finishes. Dan thinks it over. She doesn’t know that Dan doesn’t have a job. She doesn’t know his shitty apartment, she doesn’t know that Arin cuddles with Dan, she doesn’t know that they joke about mango scented shampoo while Arin is showering. 

And she’s right. 

“I’ll ask. Thanks, Suzy.” Dan says. The anger has melted away, and Suzy is just a normal person now. She gives him an apologetic smile. 

“Yeah. Someone had to tell you. It’s to progress the plot.” They both laugh. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” The rumble of the washing machine stops, and Dan puts all of the clothes into the dryer, and then puts the underwear in the washer. 

“Yeah, see? You’re already washing each others underwear.” Suzy yells. 

“Most of these are mine.” 

“But some of them are Arin’s, right?” Dan mutters, and starts the dryer and the washing machine. “Bet you’re gonna fold them and put them away, too.” She says, checking her phone. 

Thank God that Dan doesn’t hear her.


	10. Ballerina! AU Part 10

They ate turkey sandwiches for lunch. Suzy finishes her sandwich much faster than Dan does. It sometimes bothers him that he can’t finish a full meal in less than an hour. Arin and Suzy never point it out, but he knows that they notice. 

He decides to talk while he eats, at least to distract her from how long it’s taking him to finish one sandwich. 

“Like, you’ve already shared your past with me? So I guess it’s fair that I share mine with you.” Dan says with a shrug, taking another bite of his sandwich. There’s a doubtful look on her face, like she already knows that he won’t tell the whole truth, but she doesn’t say anything about it. 

He tells her about his sister, how much they love each other. He tells her about his dad, his funny accent, the stupid things that he said that always made him laugh. About his mom, who always worries about him, and used to make sure that he was eating enough. He tells her about how his parents met, something that sounds like it comes straight out of a rom-com. 

He skips the parts that he doesn’t tell people. Even Suzy, although he trusts her and she’s helped both Arin and Dan, she just doesn’t need to know certain things. He goes on about being a ballerina, how hard he worked, how much he pushed himself, how he felt trapped in his old job, how he fell and Arin stood up for him. Suzy listens to it all, without interrupting once, but he still knows that she’s paying attention. 

He finished his story, and Suzy has finished another sandwich. She watches Dan’s face was a moment, and he stares back. There’s something unsettling about the way that she looks at him, like she can see through him right into his mind. She was listening the entire time, but Suzy is… Suzy. She’s a certain type of person that will listen to what you say, and dig deeper. She knows people. She knows what to do and when they’re not doing what they should be doing. 

“You didn’t tell me everything.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Dan nods. There really isn’t any point to lie. She knows when people are hurting. “And that’s fine. But if you don’t want to talk to me about it, you should talk to Arin.” She said casually. 

“I don’t really know…” Dan says. Suzy thinks, her eyebrows furrowed. 

“You two have a lot of trust in each other. Honestly, I think Arin trusts you more than he trusts me, and that’s fine. But I don’t want Arin getting hurt by whatever is in your past. And I don’t want you to get hurt, either. I’m not really sure what you’re not telling me, but… Arin might be able to help. He dragged himself out of his own depression. Maybe he can help you.” Suzy says. Dan’s brows furrow together. 

“I don’t have depression.” 

“And there it is.” Suzy leans back on the couch, her arms resting against the back of the sofa. Dan’s temper flares up. 

“I don’t have depression!” Dan shouts. Suzy’s reaction is instant.

“It’s pretty fucking likely that you do!” she snaps back so quickly that Dan can’t help but calm down, “It’s not weakness. You think Arin is weak? Or me? It’s a struggle, and we just want to help. Arin can help with whatever demons are haunting you.” She hisses. Dan wants to be angry, but Suzy is always right, for some reason, and he calms. He shouldn’t get angry at Suzy just for pointing out facts. Suzy doesn’t stop staring, but her gaze softens as Dan calms down. 

“I’m sorry for yelling.” Dan mutters. Suzy nods. 

“I’m sorry for pushing you too far.” she says. Dan nods. 

“Well, I’m gonna leave you with your thoughts. Consider everything I said, alright?” she says, and escapes the apartment through the window. Dan puts the plates in the sink, and puts away the dishes in the dishwasher. 

He has to trust Suzy. She’s not saying anything that’s wrong. Dan does have problems, problems that he can’t cope with by himself. He needs someone’s help. And who does he trust more than Arin? 

Suzy has this thing about her. Almost like a motherly spirit, willing to fight everything and anything to protect the people she loves, and yet she was a kind and familiar soul. She was able to see through Dan and Arin. She said that Arin dragged himself out of his depression, but Arin said that Suzy kept him afloat. 

She seems to be strong in every place where Dan and Arin are weak. She brings out their weaknesses and shows them how to fix them. It’s unsettling and uncomfortable, but it has to be done and he’s glad that it’s Suzy who’s helping him. 

He thinks about everything. Arin’s flirting this morning, the “I love you”s that they had yesterday, the bed, the shower, Arin’s past. 

His own past. 

What Suzy told him. 

He isn’t sure. There’s two people on this earth that knows what happened to Dan Avidan, the things that happened to him that made him the man he is today. 

Those two people are Dan Avidan, and his sister. 

His sister. The one that stayed up on those late nights, talking to him, calming him down as he cried. The one that drove him home after the nights that will forever scar his life. The one that gave him money to stay alive. The one that did everything that she could to make sure that her older brother was making it out alive. He told her everything one day, and from that day forward, it was the two of them. It had always been that way. 

But she was busy. She was married and she has kids and a husband and a job that she loves. Dan has find another way. He can’t just keep on leeching off of his little sister. That wasn’t fair to either of them. 

Maybe not today, but one Dan will tell Arin what made him the person he is. He’s not sure how Arin will react, he isn’t sure what type of person Arin will think he is if he tells. And it’s been so long since he’s told anyone. He’s not even sure if he’s able to remember the entire thing, but at the same time he knows that it’s burned into his mind. He can’t remember, and he remembers every detail at the same time. 

He relives it often enough to keep it fresh in his mind. In nightmares and flashbacks and anxiety that seems always ready to pounce on him the moment that Dan is weak. It’s even happened here, in this place where Arin is always trying to make sure that he’s happy and safe. 

The first time that they shared a bed. The memories all came flooding back, and the instincts kicked back in. The basics of thought process: to stay alive. Survival. Run away from the men that want to hurt you. 

It’s taken so much to rebuild his mind. To make it so that he’s not always thinking about how to escape, or how to run away, or how to survive. To make it so that he can live a normal life. 

It’s taken lifetimes.

But now, maybe someone else can help him. Someone who’s been through something similar. Someone who loves him. Someone who trusts him. Someone who understands what he feels, how he acts and why he’s like this. 

Dan doesn’t notice, but he’s crying. There’s no need to cry. The words have been said, there is no doubt in Dan’s mind. 

I love you, so much. 

I love you. You defined love for me.

There is no doubt in Dan’s mind. Arin loves him more than anything, and Dan’s love for him is more than a child’s love for the stars. But there’s hesitation. He knows that it’s just his mind. His anxiety, the feeling that he will forever be dirty and unloveable. The feeling that he’ll be tossed aside like how so many people have done. 

But Arin isn’t like those people. There’s a difference. 

Arin would never hurt him. 

Dan has made his mind. One day, he’ll tell Arin everything. He’s not sure if it’ll be all at once, or over time, but one day, Arin will know everything. 

He sighs, wiping away the last of his tears. He tries to distract his mind. He tries to block out the voices of anxiety. 

He folds laundry, puts the underwear in the dryer, folds that laundry, puts Arin’s clothes in the closet, and puts his clothes back into the duffle bag. The shoe box catches his attention. His fingers brush over the worn out cardboard. 

One day, Arin will know everything in this box. 

It makes him smile. One day, he won’t be the only one to know what’s in this box. He zips up the duffle bag, and places it closer to the bed. There’s no need for it to be in the corner. 

It was nearly four thirty, and Dan was tired, a faint headache had been annoying him for the past hour, and he took some painkillers. His ankle, surprisingly enough, still didn’t hurt as much as he expected, even after an entire day of walking and pacing around in the apartment. 

He gives Arin most of the credit for that. He smiles just a little at the thought. It’s such a weird sort of intimacy to have someone caring for you, having to trust them with some of the basic things in life. Walking, changing, making food, having a roof over your head. It’s a fluttery, light feeling in your stomach. 

He grabs an ice pack from the freezer, and lies down on the couch. The dull ache slowly numbs as he keeps the ice on his ankle. He isn’t sure how much time passes, but he hears Arin unlock the door. 

“Dan? Dan!” Arin immediately runs over when he sees Dan on the couch with an ice pack on his ankle. “Did you hurt yourself? Did you fall? Are you okay?” Arin is kneeling next to the couch, a worried look on his face as he tries to find out what’s wrong with Dan. Dan snaps back to reality with a flood of questions. 

“I’m fine! Arin, calm down. It’s just that I walked around too much today, that’s all.” Dan places a hand on Arin’s forearm, and gently squeezes. “You worry so much.” It isn’t a mean comment. It’s more of the opposite. Just a statement, a sort of thank you. Arin nods, and takes a deep breath. It’s almost scary to see how panicked Arin was when he thought that Dan was hurt. 

“Hey there big guy. You alright?” Dan asks. Arin slowly buries his head into the couch cushion next to Dan’s stomach, and takes a few deep breaths. 

“I thought you hurt yourself again. I was so worried that you were really hurt and I wasn’t there to help you.” he whispers. Dan smiles, his hand slipping into Arin’s. 

“I’m fine. I would have called you, right?” Dan points out. Arin lifts his head a little bit off the couch, the longest strands of his hair still touching the couch. 

“I love you.” 

And it’s real again. How many times does Arin have to say it before his heart stops pausing and restarting faster when he hears the words? 

“I love you, too, Arin.” Dan feels him squeeze his hand, and Arin gently moves Dan’s leg enough that he can sit down on the couch, then puts his legs back onto his lap. Arin gently rubs Dan’s feet, using different pressures in different places, gently kneading Dan’s ankle, making sure to watch Dan’s face. The bruise was still bright purple, with sickly, unnatural yellow around the edges. It didn’t hurt. Arin was too careful for that. 

“Y’know, I used to give Suzy foot massages. Back when we dated. Did she tell you that?” Arin asks. Dan nods. “Well, yeah. We dated for a while, and I would massage her feet every once in a while, because I love her.” 

The short story made Dan smile. Because he loved her. Because he loves him.

“Why did you two split up? If you’re not uncomfortable with sharing.” Dan asks. Arin shrugs. 

“Nah, it’s fine. Suzy and I were… we were good friends. And since we lived together and we loved each other and we supported each other, it only made sense that we should be in a relationship, you know? It was kinda working, but we weren’t too into the romantic things. And then, we were on a date. And I saw you. Suzy knew that it wasn’t working, and it was a mutual thing.” Arin tells the story with a smile on his face. Dan can’t help but smile like an idiot. He’s never been so happy to be the cause of a breakup. 

“That’s a cute story, strangely enough.” Dan says. Arin nods with the same smile that Dan has. 

“It is. ‘Cause Suze and I were both kinda unhappy trying to stay romantic, and you come along and help us break up, and then you helped me, so much.” Arin looks at Dan with a strange look. A soft hand cups Dan’s cheek, and Arin leans forward. 

Arin presses a kiss to Dan’s fluffy hair. It isn’t fireworks, instead it’s a warm, almost static feeling that spreads all through Dan’s body. He relaxes. 

“You helped me even before you knew me. Before you knew that I existed or that I had any problems. And I’m so glad that I can finally help you, now.” Arin whispers. Dan feels his face heat up, and Arin leans back, still massaging his feet. 

“Not the most romantic time for a kiss, though.” Dan laughs. Arin is in a strangely calm and happy mood today. He shrugs. 

“Nah. Foot massages are kinda romantic. Like, you’re willing to massage the part of their body that usually aches the most and is considered the dirtiest because you love them and you want them to feel comfortable. Pretty romantic to me.” Dan watches as Arin talks, how Arin makes sure to be careful around the nasty looking bruise, how Arin keeps on putting the ice pack on to numb it, how he’s being so genuine and honest in that moment. 

“Well, when you put it like that, yeah. It is pretty romantic.” It only hits Dan harder that Arin loves him. He shows it in weird ways, but they’re in a weird situation. Dan’s stomach feels like there are a million dragonflies zipping around. Butterflies are too calm for what he’s feeling. 

“Were you bored today? I feel kinda bad just leaving you at home all day without anything to do.” Arin says, still massaging. 

“Only a little. I did the laundry and washed the dishes, but still… I don’t know, I feel like I could be doing more. Like, I don’t even have a job or any way to pay you back for all of this.” Dan says. Arin glances over at him. 

“Pay me back? What do you mean?” he asks, leaning over to the table to grab the ice pack again. Cold numbs his ankle again. 

“Well, since you’ve been taking care of me and all that. I wanna do something for you, at least.” Dan mutters. It’s still a little embarrassing to admit that he’s in a much worse place financially. Arin shrugs it off. 

“You’ve done more than enough. And it’s nice to have company at home.” Arin says. He gently puts Dan’s ankle on his lap and relaxes. 

“But… I don’t know…” Dan doesn’t even know what he’s gonna say. He wants to do something for Arin. He’s not helping to pay the bills or getting groceries or making Arin lunch (he did make breakfast once but that was only once). 

“Well, then I have an idea, if you want to go along with it.” Arin says. Dan immediately starts listening. It is kind of boring to stay at home all day, even with Suzy’s occasional visits. And Dan is starting to get tired of thinking so much about Arin’s bond with him. 

“Yeah, what is it?” 

“Well, my team and I are working on a project, like a little animation. And we need a model. Someone who knows how to dance.” Arin says. Dan already knows where this is going. 

“You want me to go to work with you?” 

“Yeah, if you don’t mind. I used to use you as a model all the time, but now that you’re living with me I just thought-” 

“I would love to.” Dan accidentally cuts Arin off in his excitement. Arin looks surprised by the enthusiasm. 

“Really? Like, I don’t want to push you.” 

“I’m fine! My leg is getting better already!” Arin’s thoughtful and quiet for a moment, and Dan realizes that they’re probably not on the same page. 

“I mean more along the lines of… your last job. I don’t want to do anything that makes you feel like you’re being forced to dance.” 

Oh. 

Dan didn’t even think about that, but the fact that Arin did made him flustered. Arin’s so worried about him that he seems to find out any way a plan might hurt him. 

He’s never really had anyone that worried about him.

“Arin… I’ll be fine. I just wanna do stuff for you, y’know? You know I would tell you if I didn’t want to do something.” Arin nods. 

“Can you go tomorrow? Suzy and I are gonna be leaving for work at the same time so if all three of us go, it could be easier to transport.” 

“Yeah, tomorrow’s fine.” Dan pauses for a moment, “When does Suzy usually go to work? She’s always at home, breaking into your apartment.” Arin laughs. 

“She’s a night owl. She works at home, and then sends stuff in through email. And she likes to steal my food while I’m at work.” 

“You know about her stealing food?” 

“Of course! She’s like a raccoon. Stealing stuff with her tiny little hands.” they both laugh. “But she does have to actually go to work from time to time, to communicate with everyone about where the animations are going and what the plan is and all of that. And to work with certain models and all of that fun stuff.” 

“Yeah, I’m totally down with going to work with you!” Dan’s heart flutters. He can actually model for Arin now, with him knowing. He’s a little nervous, but he’s sure he’ll be able to do anything that Arin asks of him. Dan’s already been a model for Arin’s animations for years, and he didn’t even know. 

“Nice. Tomorrow’s bring your boyfriend to work day.”


	11. Ballerina! AU Part 11

“Wake up,” a voice says, gently shaking Dan’s shoulder. It’s still too early to wake up, but Dan’s drawn to the voice. His eyes flutter open, and Arin is propped up on one arm, and the other is on his shoulder. Dan smiles at the sight. 

“Morning.” Dan stretches. “Why are we up so early? The sun isn’t even in the sky yet.” Dan points out. 

“Don’t you remember? Take your boyfriend to work day?” Arin asks with a growing smile as Dan blushes. He remembers last night, how the joke began “take your boyfriend to work day”. But they’ve known each other for less than a week. It was still nothing but that, a joke. 

“Yeah, your super hot, sexy model boyfriend. Everyone will be sooo jealous.” Dan mumbles. “How do you get up this early? It’s impossible.” Arin is already getting out of bed, grabbing a clean shirt and pants and heading to the bathroom. 

“It’s usually impossible! I’m just excited today! Aren’t you?” Arin shouts. Dan rolls out of bed. He grabs a plaid shirt from his duffle bag, along with a pair of ripped jeans. They’re old, torn, and unprofessional, but he’s worn them for so long that they’ve become flexible enough for him to dance in. Plus, the rips give him a little bit more movement. He’s not even sure if he has to dance, but it’s never bad to be on the safe side. 

Arin comes back with his toothbrush in his mouth, wearing a plain, light pink tee shirt with sweatpants that pooled around his ankles. It’s a surprise to see Arin wear anything besides black. But pink suits him. 

Dan goes to the bathroom, brushing his teeth with his glittery blue toothbrush, and going to the kitchen. Arin’s pressing buttons on the microwave. It’s the first time that he’s eaten something that Arin hasn’t made with his own hands, except for that one breakfast that he made. 

“Wow. No homemade breakfast? No golden plated omelet? No perfectly cooked bacon?” Dan asks. Arin scoffs. 

“We have to wake up Suzy today, and that’ll take maybe a good thirty minutes. We gotta eat like we’re college students.” Arin turns and locks his eyes with Dan’s, “We gotta go fast.” 

“I genuinely thought you were a good person until you said that.” Dan says. The microwave beeps, and Arin pulls out two mugs, swearing as he does so. He puts them down on the counter a little bit too hard, and they make a dull “clank” sound.   
“Oatmeal in a mug! So you can chug!” Arin shouts, “I’m running out of rhyme! It would be gross if you ate this with thyme!” He rushes over to the living room, opening the window as high as it can go. It’s more like a small door than a window at this point. 

“Dude, are you alright? You’re really hyper.” Dan says, walking to the counter with the mugs. It was oatmeal, with little bits of strawberry and some sprinkles on it. 

“I’m excited! C’mon, we can wake up Suze while the oatmeal cools!” Arin slips out through the window, and Dan rushes to join him. He can’t help but pause, though. Even though Arin was waiting, standing on it, it still looked very much unstable. They were high up, and there was more air than there was metal in this fire escape. Arin holds out a hand. Dan gently takes it, and Arin leads him out. Even in the winter, LA was warm. There was a light breeze, but nothing too cold. Dan’s plaid shirt was fine in this weather. 

They walked up the fire escape, Dan nervously stopping every few steps to look down. The floor of the fire escape almost looked comically unstable, like it was taunting him. 

“You’re not gonna fall, I promise.” Arin says, looking over his shoulder. Dan nods, and continues walking up the stairs, with a death grip in the railing. It feels like an hour before they make it up the stairs, and they’re standing where they were a few moments, a floor higher. Arin casually walks to the window, and pushes it up. 

It must look suspicious, two men opening a window from the outside and stepping in. Dan is thrown off for a moment. The apartment design is almost exactly the same as Arin’s, but it’s definitely not Arin’s apartment. 

Firstly, because Arin doesn’t own cats. 

“Hey there, small cat.” Dan says, speaking to a very small cat. “Very small cat.” He corrects himself, crouching down. With further examination, he realizes that it’s a pretty normal cat, with very short legs. It’s almost has a sort of marble patterned fur, with a feathery tail. To Dan, it looks more like a very fluffy, very cute ferret than a cat. There’s another cat, just as short, with a similar grey coloration, but it’s more solid colored than the last one. They both go to Dan, rubbing against his leg. 

He looks around the apartment, while absentmindedly petting the cats. There’s a couch, a TV with a Wii, and a number of cat toys scattered on the floor, but besides that, it bares a strong resemblance to Arin’s apartment. It almost confuses Dan. 

“C’mon!” Arin shouts from another room. There’s a raspy, “No!”, and then a shout.   
Dan rushes to the hallway to see what’s going on. Arin has Suzy slung over his shoulder, and she’s wearing a plain white tank top in her underwear. She isn’t wearing makeup, but she looks wonderful all the same. Dan needs to ask what products she uses for her skin, one day. Dan awkwardly looks at the wall, but it’s obvious that Arin and Suzy have known each other long enough that they don’t really have privacy anymore. 

“What time did you even sleep at?” Arin asks while leaving the bathroom. The door slams shut behind him. 

“Like, an hour ago!” she shouts, and both of the boys can hear water running from the sink. Arin smiles. 

“What a mess.” 

“You just… carry her around in her underwear?” Dan asks. Arin looks over. 

“I lived with her. It’s like having a roommate. You don’t really acknowledge that some things aren’t normal, like carrying each other around in their underwear, or drinking straight out of the milk carton, y’know?” Dan can’t help but agree, and they stand where the hallway meets the living room, waiting. 

“Uh… What are the cats’ names?” Dan asks. The more solid colored grey and white one is really in love with his right leg, purring and headbutting his shin whenever it can. The marble colored one really seems more interested in Dan’s socks, but that’s fine too. 

“They’re Mochi and Mimi. It’s fine if you can’t tell the difference between them at first. I thought they were one cat that was named ‘Mochi and Mimi’ until I saw them both in the same room together.” Arin says, and the water turns off in the bathroom, and Suzy comes storming out. She’s small, underdressed, and tired, but she’s still someone that Dan doesn’t want to mess with. She’s not exactly angry, she’s a lovely person most of the time, but Dan has a gut feeling that she’ll do unspeakable crimes if you get on her bad side. 

“Why are you blocking the way to the living room?” she asks, squinting her eyes. 

“Cause you need to get dressed before you eat.” she pouts and goes into her bedroom. Arin follows without hesitation. Dan feels awkward in this situation. Arin and Suzy have known each other for years, they have few limits. Dan’s still very new to both of their lives. 

“C’mon in!” Suzy yells from her bedroom. 

“Oh… Okay.” Dan says to himself. The bedroom is the almost same as Arin’s, except for the cat beds in the corner, and the fact that the bed is messy and unmade. Arin’s going through her closet, while Suzy’s sitting on her bed, holding a makeup mirror. A little zip up bag of makeup sits on her bed next to her. 

“Uh… What should I be doing?” Dan asks. Arin continues going through Suzy’s closet, and Suzy looks up at her. 

“Do you know how to contour?” 

Dan’s face lights up.

-

Twenty minutes later, Suzy’s wearing all black, a color that looks amazing on her. Arin chose the outfit, and he’s obviously done it before. She’s wearing a long sleeved black shirt, with an intricate pattern made up by a black fashion harness. She’s wearing a skirt that comes to her mid-thigh, and knee high black stockings. Her makeup is almost perfect. Dan has been practicing makeup since his sister first bought a kit, which was maybe fifteen years ago, but the wings that he did are just a tiny bit crooked, but she seems to love it anyways. There’s just the tiniest hint of a smokey eye. Dan’s proud of his work. 

Next to Suzy, Arin and Dan look wildly underdressed, but they’re fine anyways. Suzy explains that since she only goes in the office a couple of times a month, she might as well look nice for it. She has a point. They all climb down to Arin’s apartment, and they eat lukewarm oatmeal with sprinkles out of mugs. 

It’s almost time for them to leave when they finish eating, and they all go down together in the elevator. They don’t notice, but Rebecca smiles at the duo. The receptionist knows that Arin and Suzy are good friends, but it’s the fact that Dan and Arin are holding hands. 

Maybe Arin does have it under control, after all. 

They all get into the car, Arin in the driver’s seat, Suzy in the passenger, and Dan in the back. 

“Are we there yet?” Dan asks in a whiny, high pitched voice. 

“Oh my God, Dan, I swear-” 

“Are we there yet?” Suzy asks in a similar voice. 

“OH MY GOD YOU TWO.” Arin shouts, making Dan and Suzy laugh as he starts up the engine. Dan stares out of the window during the car ride. It’s been actual days since he’s left Arin’s apartment. It’s a strange feeling to be on the road, looking out at other cars, zipping past. The ride is rather short, and they stop in front of a building. It’s obviously made by Disney. 

The sandy yellow colored building has a giant blue wizard hat above the entrance, and in big, capital letters “ROY E. DISNEY ANIMATION BUILDING”. Arin and Suzy get out of the car, with an excited and nervous Dan following them. Arin and Suzy walk up to the receptionist, who smiles at them. It’s obvious that they know each other well. 

The lobby is brightly colored, and there are little paintings of past animations. The entire building looks like a children’s dream house, bright colors and nice drawings. Dan likes it. It’s a perfect job for Arin. 

“Hey!” Arin says with a cheerful wave. The receptionist smiles. 

“Hey Arin. Hi Suzy.” they say. They look over. “And hello mystery guest.” They raise an eyebrow. 

“This is Dan. He’s gonna be working as a model today. No contract, nothing professional, don’t worry.” Arin says. 

“And makeup help.” Suzy adds. The receptionist looks at all three of them. 

“Try to keep him secret,” they say, turning to their computer and typing. Arin smiles, and takes a hallway to the right. There are rooms that branch off, with glass walls. There’s one that’s what Dan imagines is a conference room, another that seems like a costume design room, another that’s a break room, and then they reach the end of the hall. The room itself looks like a conference room, except for the number of laptops and drawing tablets that they’re using that sit on the long table in the middle of the room. Dan can see through the glass that there are already many people.They’re obviously all friends, since they seem to be joking around, gently pushing each other, and showing off drawings and asking question. 

Dan suddenly feels very nervous. He’s going to be a newcomer in a room full of people who already have a close knit bond with everyone else. Will there be enough room for him to fit in?

Arin opens the door for Suzy, and there’s a chorus of “Hey”s, and “Suzy!”s, and one “Wow, you actually came to work today.” She rolls her eyes, and smiles. Arin holds the door open, waiting for Dan. Suddenly, anxious washes over him and he doesn’t want to walk in. This is a bad idea. They won’t like him. He won’t be able to do the things they want him to do. They’ll just tolerate him. They’ll hate him. 

“Dan, they’ll love you. They love you already. They’ve seen how you helped my animations.” Arin holds out a hand. “Don’t worry.” 

Dan hesitantly takes it. Arin slowly leads him in, and everyone looks up at him. 

Dan’s performed in front of crowds of people, he’s done rehearsals in front of his boss, he’s had ballerinas watch him with glaring, judgemental eyes. But this is the most nervous he’s been in front of a crowd. 

“Hey Arin!” a man says. He’s not as tall as Dan or Arin, but he’s still taller than most of the people in the room. 

“Hey Ross.” Arin says back. Ross eyes Dan, but not in an unfriendly way. Just in a way that makes Dan feel noticed. There are only four people in the room, but Dan can feel all their attention on him. It reminds him eerily of his old boss, staring him down, tracking down every flaw and ripping it out. 

“Dan, this is my team of animators. There’s Vernon,” Arin points at a man with glasses, who shyly waves back, “Ross, Matt, and Ryan.” There’s only seven of them in the room, including Dan, Arin, and Suzy, but Dan’s still scared. “And it’s fine if you forget Ross, he’s not important.” 

“I’m gonna do nothing but draw dicks today, just because you said that.” Ross says, already rushing to the nearest table, slamming down a pencil onto paper, and holding up a small drawing of a dick. 

“Dude, that’s tiny.” Matt points out. 

“Yeah, it’s a self portrait.” Ryan says, and everyone laughs as Ross crumbles the paper and throws it at Ryan. Arin gently squeezes Dan’s hand, and he realizes that he’s going to fit right into to this group of friends. 

The man with the glasses, the shy one walks over to Arin while Ross is wrestling with Ryan, trying to shove the paper ball into his mouth, while Matt records it on his phone. Suzy watches, both amused and unamused. 

“So you’re Dan. I’m Vernon, as Arin said earlier.” Vernon holds out a hand. He’s a quiet man, but he’s friendly all the same. Dan shakes his hand. “You’re the ballerina?” 

“Well, I used to be. But I can still dance, or model.” Dan is a little distracted by the fact that Ross has completely climbed onto Ryan’s shoulders, while batting his face. Matt is now laughing on the floor, his phone still vaguely pointing the direction of the two men. 

“Boys! Stop fighting!” Suzy shouts. Her voice cuts through the madness, and reaches their ears. 

“Yes, Ma’am!” Ryan leans forward, and Ross slides onto the carpeted floor. He still tries one last time to throw the the paper ball at Ryan, who smacks it out of the air, back at his face. There’s a whine from the floor where Ross is lying. 

“He’s hurting me.” he says in an exaggerated high pitched voice. Vernon turns to watch, as well. 

“That’s cause you’re really hurt-able.” Ryan says, gently nudging Ross with his foot. Ross groans. 

“Suzy, I’m dying.” 

“Then die.” she shoots back. Ross groans again and rolls on the floor, gently bumping into Matt, who is still on the floor, now wiping away tears. Dan laughs. 

He’s going really like this place.


	12. Ballerina! AU Part 12

“Can you do that again, just a little bit slower?” Vernon asks. His voice is a little softer than everyone else’s, and he’s the shyest out of all the animators, but everyone hushes whenever he speaks, and listens to him. There’s a half circle around Dan, with all the animators sitting around him, some of them with IPads on their laps, some with pen and paper, and some othesr just carefully watching.

Dan takes a deep breath. He’s noticed there’s a difference between performing a ballet and working as a model. With a ballet, people don’t really watch you. They’re watching the plot play out, and the ballerinas are a visual means to get that plot across to the audience watching. 

With modeling, everyone is watching you. There’s no plot, no meaning that you’re trying to express, just dancing the sequence they asked you to. They’re watching how your body moves in certain ways, how your chest heaves, how your muscles flex at different times, and how your brows are furrowed together in concentration. They’re watching you, and the emotions that you portray. Not any plot, or story. Just you and your body. 

The part that he’s modeling is a small dance sequence. It begins with a graceful spin, on the balls of his feet, a short step sequence, and the ending is a slow arch created by his hands. 

The entire dance feels much more fluid than his old dances. When he worked as a ballerina, everything felt stiff and forced, every muscle being pulled too tight, he felt like his movements mirrored a rusty machine. 

This dance sequence was all so… smooth. There wasn’t any sudden movement, just all curves and arches. Dan crosses his feet, and he can feel the loose edges of his plaid shirt twirl with him, and hands reach down to his thighs, before stretching upwards, and arching his back. Even slowed down, the dance only takes a few seconds. 

“Perfect.” Vernon whispers, his phone pointing at Dan. He must have been recording him. Everyone mutters in agreement, and they all look down at whatever they’re drawing on. Except for one face. 

Arin’s happy face, a huge grin, with soft eyes. Dan walks out of the center, to the seat where Arin is. He leans over to the left, looking at what they’re drawing. Ross is too focused to notice, and there are small, separate diagrams of Dan dancing, in a slightly cartoonish art style, on Ross’s sketchpad. They’re still just rough sketches, but Dan can see the extra details that he added, things that amazed Dan. That was him? Despite how goofy Ross is, he is a hard worker. There’s only three dicks drawn, in the very top corner. Besides that, he’s been drawing all the things he should be drawing. 

“Was I good?” Dan whispers. It’s deadly quiet in the room, one the sound of pens and pencils scratching against paper, and the occasional mumble as they go to correct a mistake they have made. 

“Are you joking? You were amazing, just look at everyone.” Arin gestures to the room of artists, all inspired by Dan’s dancing. It felt strange. He used to have fans, but they just enjoyed the show and left. These people were making new ideas and creating things based off of him. Off of Dan. 

“I guess so.” He looks down at Arin’s notepad. Every thought in his mind comes to a screeching stop. 

It’s a drawing of him, at the very end of the dance. But it’s… different. He can’t place a finger on it. It isn’t because of the art style, it isn’t because it’s a rough sketch, or because he’s not used to seeing himself in a drawing. 

He looks stunning.

His back is arched, his chest out, his hands clasped above his head like he’s just won first place in a marathon, the faintest of smiles on his face. Wisps of his hair hide parts of his hair. Dan almost expects the drawing to move. 

“How do you like it? Not exactly a mirror, but I still think it’s alright.” Arin mutters, a little embarrassed, drawing extra detail to the wrinkles on the shirt. 

“It looks beautiful.” Dan whispers. 

“Exactly.” 

Dan wants to say more, but someone places a hand on his shoulder. 

“Oh, hey Ryan. Hey Matt.” the two were almost always together, working together, or getting into trouble. 

“Hey, Dan. We wanted you to just do a couple of poses for us, if you don’t mind. Just for a reference page we’re gonna make, so it’ll easier for us to draw you in the future.” Matt says. Ryan smiles at him, and before he can reply, they each grab one of Dan’s arms, and drag him away. 

Dan’s led away by the duo, who take pictures of him in different poses. Although they’re doing this for work, it’s still a lot of fun. After all the picture are taken, Matt tries to draw Dan as an anime character, while Ryan keeps on drawing dicks on every single empty space there is. Dan tries to help, just by drawing his eyes absolutely gigantic and drawing an entire galaxy of stars in the pupils. They’re proud of their work when they finish, and they all agree that they should burn it as soon as possible. 

The rest of the team all show off their drawings, Suzy is able to capture the movements perfectly, Ross is especially good at anatomy, Matt and Ryan both work on smaller details, like hair and eyes, Vernon draws mostly costumes and backgrounds. There’s a digital drawing of a stage, framed with red curtains. Arin’s drawing is… perfect. Everyone else captures details, but Arin knows Dan. Maybe that’s why the drawing is so touching. 

He can see how each person works better on certain aspects, and how if they work together they can make the entire thing look amazing. He isn’t sure how teams are put together, but this is certainly an exceptional one. 

This entire team is buzzing with excitement, even Vernon is starting to open up a little more, planning costume options for the future. Dan ends up watching, starry eyed, as the entire animation team was slowly piecing together their idea. But he still isn’t sure what the idea is. 

“Uh… So what’s the project about?” Dan asks. Suddenly, everyone hushes, and all eyes on on either Arin or Dan. Everyone suddenly looks very nervous, Vernon especially. 

“It’s… It’s a secret, y’know? Like, we don’t want people knowing about it before it’s out in theaters and all that, right?” Arin says, looking for the rest of his team for approval. They all look at each other, and nod. 

“We don’t want any leaks.” Suzy adds, but even her voice lacks the usual authority and strength. Ross, Matt, and Ryan have shit eating grins on their faces, and Vernon looks like he might pass out. Dan looked at Vernon with concern. The man was a very anxious person, but this was still worrying. 

“Oh… Alright.” the entire animation crew seems to breathe out a sigh of relief, and Dan’s sure that they’re lying. But if Arin’s going to lie to him, it’s probably for the best. Arin would never do anything to hurt him. 

The rest of the day passes rather quickly. He starts to get a grip on their personalities. Suzy is sort of the boss of the office, making sure that Matt and Ryan don’t actually kill Ross. Vernon is a hard worker, and everyone knows it. He’s shy about his work, and everything else, but he’s loved by everyone. Matt and Ryan are attached at the hip, and although they work hard, they’re usually joking around. Ross is often found with Matt and Ryan, but he’s not as close as they are. His art is actually really good, he has a skill that people rarely have. Arin is good at capturing emotion, and he’s Dan’s best friend here. 

It was a nice little family they have going on here. By the end of the day, everyone hushes as Vernon makes shaky announcement. His hands are shaking and his shoulders are hunched, even though everyone here loves him he still doesn’t like talking in front of people. 

“Uh… So with all work from the past couple of weeks, and the help of Dan,” Vernon nods to him, and Dan nods back. It seems to calm him a little, “We’re only a few days away from being done.” Everyone cheers, obviously very proud and relieved. But there was one odd thing that Dan notices. 

Ross turns to Arin and Dan, who were a little bit away, standing as a pair, and winkes. Dan’s confusion only grows. 

“What’s up with Ross?” Dan asks. Ross does strange things a lot, but a wink is kind of… suggestive. Arin shrugs, obviously embarrassed. 

“He probably just… thinks that we’re a couple, or something, I don’t know.” Arin says, his face flushes, and his shoulders hunch. Dan nods, and Ross shoots him a bright smile. 

“Well, are we?” Arin stutters at Dan’s innocent tone. He’s genuinely curious. It certainly seems like everyone sees Dan as Arin’s boyfriend. Even them. 

“That’s… That’s a conversation for later.” 

“I’ll look forward to it.” Arin only blushes deeper. Fortunately, Ross doesn’t focus on them anymore, or Ross would have gone bat shit crazy with jokes and Suzy might have elbowed him in the face. Vernon is the first to leave, taking his laptop and tablet with him, and saying a hushed goodbye before the entire team shouts him goodbye back. He leaves with a proud smile. 

Matt and Ryan leave together, with Ross commenting how they look like a gay couple going to fuck each other. Matt winks and Ryan leaves with the last comment “Dude, we’re totally gay for each other, why do you think we’re roommates?” Dan really isn’t sure at this point if they’re joking or not. 

It’s just Ross, Suzy, Arin, and Dan left by five, and Ross is only waiting because he’s waiting for his wife to pick him up. Around 5:10, a woman wearing a white sweater with a light pink jacket that matches her hair pokes her head in. 

“Hey babe.” Ross says, his stuff already packed. They leave together, holding hands. It catches Dan off just a little bit, seeing how much Ross softens around his wife, when only a few hours ago, he attacked a man while trying to shove a picture of a dick into his mouth. It’s heartwarming to see how much he’s in love. 

“Well, it’s time for us to leave.” Arin says, grabbing his laptop, sketchbook, and tablet. Suzy’s already packed, and Dan doesn’t really have anything to grab except for his phone, which is in his pocket. They leave in silence, in a good mood. The receptionist says goodbye, and they walk into a half-empty parking lot. It’s strange to see that it’s almost dark. Winter is always strange in LA, with the barely-cold weather and the early sunsets. 

Arin starts driving, all of them staring out of the windows. 

“Would ya look at that.” Suzy points out of her window. The sun’s setting, the golden sun painting the bellies of clouds a bright pink. 

They’re quiet, all three of them enjoying the view. 

Dan wonders when was the last time that he had such a good day. Waking up with a person that he loves, a person that loves him, doing something that he new, meeting new and interesting people, and this sunset. 

“Dan?” Suzy whispers. Dan turns to see Arin’s worried look reflected in the rearview mirror. He wipes away tears. 

“Yeah, I’m good.” Dan says with a smile. Arin’s reflection shows that he’s still worried, but he focuses on driving. He’s sure that this will come up later today. 

“So what did you think of today, Dan?” Suzy asks. Dan smiles. 

“It was great. Like, I’m not what the project is about, but it was super cool to dance and see everyone really happy like that.” Dan says. It seems to convince Suzy that he wasn’t crying because the day sucked, “It was almost like a family, I guess.” 

Suzy laughs. 

“Yeah, it really is. A really weird, stupid, fun family.” Suzy says. 

Both Arin and Dan agree.


	13. Ballerina! AU Part 13

“Well, I’m gonna go now.” Suzy says , getting up and stretching before heading to the fire escape. They spent an hour together after work, all of them collapsing on the couch. Today was a good day, but it still drained them of all their energy. 

“Don’t die.” Arin says, waving from the couch, not looking up. 

“Say hi to your cats for me.” Dan says in an exhausted, flat voice, next to Arin. They don’t watch her leave, but they can hear the window sliding shut and her footsteps head upstairs. The silence only lasts a few seconds without Suzy. 

“Today was fun.” Arin says, a smile growing on his face. Arin’s lying down on the couch, and Dan’s sitting on the other side of the couch, with Arin’s feet next to his legs. 

“It was very fun.” Dan agrees, both of them too lazy to move from the couch. God, it was so nice to dance again, but holding those poses really did a number of his muscles. He didn’t stretch before, and his ankle was still not 100%. A comfortable silence surrounds them both, full of thoughts and future conversations and daydreams. 

“So are we dating?” Dan asks. It’s more of a teasing joke, but under the layer of humor, it’s a serious question. Dan already knows that Arin has a bad past with dating men, and Dan has yet to share his past with dating. Arin thinks for a moment. 

“Well we are two men living together, taking care of each other, making each other meals, sharing a bed.” Arin pauses. Dan knows that he’s joking from the tone of his voice, but it still makes his heart race. “We’re not dating.” Dan’s heart stops. “We’re already married.” And it starts again, faster. 

“How much did the ring cost?” Dan asks, going along with the joke. 

“How much does a ring pop cost?” Arin asks, and Dan nudges his leg, laughing. 

“That’s it, I’m leaving you. I’m taking all the kids, too.” 

“We have kids?” Arin’s brow goes up. It’s questionable, but Dan nods. 

“All fifty eight of them.” Both of them laugh. 

“Are they adopted or did we make them?” Arin asks. Dan stutters, still laughing. 

“How would we make them, dude? We’re both dudes!” 

“I don’t know how babies are made,” A smirk grows on Arin’s face, and he sits up, his face only inches from Dan’s face. His heart is pounding, he’s sure that Arin could feel it through the couch, “How about you teach me?” he whispers. 

It’s still a joke. Just a joke that has gone out of hand. Arin does that sometimes. It doesn’t really feel like a joke. But Dan puts on a smile, and goes along with it.

“Well when two people love each other very much, they go to the nearest playground.” Arin’s smirk turns into a smile, and he already looks like he’s on the verge of laughing. God, Dan could watch this man for the rest of his life, “And they snatch up as many children as they want.” 

“And where do those children come from?” Arin asks, starry eyed, like he was a child that was learning about this for the first time. 

“They spawn in certain biomes, that’s why we make playgrounds. To spawn in children.” Arin laughs, Dan chuckles, staring at other man. Arin lies back down, holding his stomach. He loves making Arin laugh. It’s such a wonderful sound, such a wonderful feeling. 

“God, imagine if that’s how kids were really made. Like, a kid would be like ‘where did i come from?’ and his parents would just be like ‘we found you on a swing set in a ghetto playground’.” Dan laughs. 

“And when the kids spawn in, they kinda just dig out of the mulch and the other kids would run away screaming cause they’re naked and fucking screaming while clawing their way out of the earth.” Arin’s wheezing, only interrupted by him whispering “Oh my God.”.

“Dude, are you dying?” Dan asks, placing a hand on Arin’s leg. Arin’s wiping away tears. 

“God, it’s been so long since I’ve laughed that hard.” Arin wheezes. Dan feels a blush building up, “I love you, man.” 

There it is. Arin’s voice is genuine, and giggly from laughing so hard, but there’s still the emotion and the love in the short phrase to stop and start Dan’s heart. 

“I love you, too.” Dan says with a smile. “And I’m starving, what are we gonna eat?” Dan asks, trying to steer the conversation away from relationships. Although Arin was more than eager to joke about it, Dan still felt unsure if he should even be joking about it. Their situation was very close to a relationship. Arin’s already said that he loves Dan, and they’ve said the words out loud. It might tempt Arin too much. 

And Arin doesn’t know nearly enough. 

“You can eat me.” Arin winks, and heads to the kitchen. 

For fuck’s sake, if Arin keeps on teasing him. 

If Arin keeps on joking, he might just ask. 

And if he asks, Dan might not be able to say no. He doesn’t want to hurt Arin. He wants this to work so badly. 

And if Dan says no, Arin’s going to be disappointed. Disappointed that Dan isn’t really as good as he seems. Disappointed that Dan isn’t nearly as graceful as he is on stage, that he isn’t beautiful without all the makeup and the costume, disappointed in the things that Dan has done in the past. 

“Maybe we can have cornbread chili?” Arin asks from the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinet. Dan snaps out of his thoughts at least for a short while.

“What’s that?” Arin turns to Dan with wide eyes, and his jaw slack. 

“Dude, it’s amazing! I’m gonna make it for you!” Arin shouts, grabbing a box of cornbread mix and a can of chili from the pantry. Dan smiles, just a little, watching Arin rush around to make Dan a meal. 

God, when was the last time someone was this eager to make him a meal? It must have been years ago, when he was 20. Back before everything happened, back when he had potential to do anything in the world. Before he threw it all away. 

He was going to move to LA. He thought he was a grown up kid now, that he could make it in the real world without the constant support of his parents and his sister. 

It wasn’t really a meal, just a collection of all the snacks that Dan really loved. His family was there, all eating junk food in their house, laughing, all for Dan. 

A table with a bowl of skittles with cans of pepsi to drink them with, a plate of chicken fingers, a bowl of chocolate ice cream, Ritz crackers, and soft and chewy chocolate chip cookies. His mother had gotten the meal, and they were all eating Dan’s strange taste in foods. 

Because they wanted Dan to have one last good memory with his family, and they wanted him to be happy. 

God, he took it for granted. He was so damn excited to go into the “real world” and make a name for himself. He wanted to dance for royalty, he wanted to be famous, he wanted to known. 

He left the shelter of his family, and found an unforgiving world. A world that will not tolerate mistakes. A world that will send you the harshest and most bitter winds. A world that will test you over and over without any end in sight. 

He tried not to let it get to him. He got a pretty nice apartment. He got a job at a dance company, he went to classes, and he kept his eyes on his dreams. He called his parents often, telling them of the little accomplishments that he had made. They were so supportive. 

But after a few months, it got to him. He was lonely. He hated his boss, running a tiny little dance company that overworked its employees in an attempt to make enough money to stay afloat. He couldn’t make enough money, and he had to stop taking dance classes. He tried to be happy when his family called, because he felt like it would be weak to let them know that he couldn’t survive on his own as a twenty year old. 

And then the dance company went under. Dan didn’t have any means to stay alive, he couldn’t buy anything to eat, he didn’t know how to pay for the rent. He stopped accepting calls from his family, claiming more and more often that he was busy with work. 

They had no clue. They thought that Dan was well off. They thought he was happy. They didn’t know. 

They still don’t. 

Then Dan was kicked out of the apartment for missing his rent for the third time. He was on the street, unsure of what to do, teary eyed, with rolling luggage bag carrying everything he owned. He stayed on the streets for nearly two weeks, unsure of what to do. Unsure of where to go. 

Then it happened, the one action that created the giant avalanche. 

“Hey, baby boy.” a man’s voice says from in front of him. Dan looks up, tired and hungry. A young man, maybe only a few years older than him stands in front of him. He’s dressed nicely, and has a glint in his eyes. 

“Hi.” Dan says, warily. The man looks around at the dark streets, making sure that no one was around. Dan wasn’t sure where this was going. He didn’t like wherever this might be going. The man steps forward, and Dan takes a step back. The man takes another step forward, and Dan’s back bumps into the concrete wall of the building behind him. 

“Listen, pretty boy. Let’s make a deal, alright?” the man asks, with a growing smile on his face. Dan looks around. He can’t fight this man. He’s tired and hungry, and this man weighs probably a good twenty pounds more than he does. “What about you come over to my place for the night, I’ll feed you, give you a nice warm shower, and make it worth your while?” 

Dan’s brain doesn’t process the words that the man says, but he wants it so badly. He wants to eat a full meal, he wants to wash himself of this horrible smell. But he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want this. 

The man shoves his hand into his pockets, showing Dan a handful of ten dollar bills. In the few seconds that the man has his money out, Dan can count eighty dollars at least. 

God, he could eat for a month with eighty dollars. Eighty dollars seemed like so little just a few months ago, but it felt like a fortune now. It was everything to Dan now. 

He went home with that man. In the morning, he took a long, hot shower, he ate breakfast, and left the house with a hundred and twenty dollars, a full stomach, and the smell of a stranger on his clothes. He had charged his phone while he was at the man’s house, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to call his family. 

He wondered around LA for a few hours, before the night settled again. He found himself sitting in front of a cream colored cement building, some sort of library or something. 

He found his shaking hands typing out his sister’s familiar phone number. 

He found himself rushing to tell his sister everything that had happened in the last few months, how he was lying to his family, how he was kicked out and had to live on the streets. How he just slept with a man to make a little more than a hundred dollars. How he lost his virginity to a complete stranger.

He found himself listening to his sister rushing to say that he had to come home, how she was so sorry that she didn’t see it coming sooner. 

He found himself making her promise to keep this a secret. 

He found himself numbly listening to her promise. 

He found himself hanging up the phone. 

At least he had money to eat. At least he had a shower. At least he had a full stomach. At least he had his sister. 

At least, at least, at least. 

He wondered what he would do when he ran out of the money that he had. 

Then, he did run out. 

He tried not to eat, he tried to avoid doing what he did before. 

But it was the only way, his mind said. 

I can go back, he said. 

You’re a failure. At least don’t let your parents know, his mind said. 

So he caved in. 

“Dinner is served!” Arin shouts from the kitchen, the smell of chili and cornbread suddenly registering in his mind. Arin has oven mitts on, and he’s bringing the still-hot pan of what seems to be cornbread to the table where they eat. Dan sits up, trying to shake off the memories of everything that he has just thought of. Arin tosses his oven gloves into the kitchen. “Dan?” 

Arin can only see Dan’s head and shoulder above the couch, but he can see the wild look in Dan’s eyes, the hunched position he’s in, and how his arms are wrapped around his legs. 

“Dan? Are you alright?” Arin’s voice is barely anything as he tip toes closer to Dan, but he can hear him loud and clear. There’s a deep breath, and Dan stands up. Arin’s worried face stares back at him. 

“So, cornbread and chili? It smells good.” Both of them head to the table together. 

Arin knows that there’s something wrong, something deeper than his shitty boss or not having a job. There’s something that’s missing, and he’s willing to wait until infinity for Dan to let him help. 

Dan knows that Arin wants to help. He’s just not sure how well Arin might take the news. It’s a lot of information, a lot of emotional baggage. He hasn’t trusted anyone else but his sister with this information. 

But both of them will do what’s best for the other person, simply because they love each other.


	14. Ballerina! AU Part 14

Arin stares into the darkness, almost expecting eyes to stare back at him. He’s in his bed, listening to the traffic below him, and the soft breathing of the man that he loves. God, this is a mess. There’s one familiar sound, of cars honking, and tires running over miles of black concrete, of tired souls driving through the night and bus drivers that carry thousands of lost and exhausted people in and out of cities and buildings and places. 

And there’s one sound that he wants to one day be familiar with. The soft, steady breathing of Dan next to him, facing him, his cheek squished against the pillow, and the blanket is tucked up to his skinny shoulders, his messy hair covering most of his face. God, Arin’s been thinking for hours, and it seems the only calming thing in this world were sounds. The familiar, and the ones that he wishes were.

What does he do? How does he help? When should he ask? Why isn’t Dan trusting him? Where do they start? Who is Arin to Dan? 

The questions he asks himself and the questions that he wishes he could ask Dan keep on cycling through in his mind. Dan continues to breathe lightly, gently pulling Arin away from the panic ridden thoughts of his mind, back into the real world. The dark room, dimly lit through the blinds, letting in the artificial light of the city. 

He relaxes, and turns to face Dan. His face is calm, and peaceful, and Arin hopes that he’s having good dreams. 

He’s only gotten more beautiful with the passing days. The Dan that he knew a year ago and the Dan that’s sharing a bed with him today are two very different people. 

The past Dan was so… tense, so plastic, so fake on stage. But he caught Arin’s eye nonetheless. Arin would catch glimpses of Dan before he got on stage, this sad and desperate look on his face that would immediately be replaced when he got onto stage. 

Arin wanted so badly to make him smile. 

Arin wants so badly to make him smile. 

He’s so close to Dan, and he doesn’t want to lose him now. He wants to hold Dan tight, he wants Dan to stay with him, he wants to do everything he can to make sure Dan stays with him. Dan is right there, sharing a bed, eating his meals, sharing his life with him. And a year ago, Dan saved his life. Arin’s heart is racing. He’s so close to his dreams, so much progress has been made since the first time he laid eyes on Dan and now.   
He still remembers what it felt like when he first saw Dan. Like something was right in the world, like something shifted in his mind. The hopelessness in his mind gave way a little. There was something about Dan that made everything feel just a little bit more okay. 

And that’s all that Arin needed. He went right to work, patching back all the things that he had broken, fixing the things that needed to be mended, he went back to living. Dan caused this chain reaction in his brain. Just a little nudge was all that Arin needed to start racing to his new goal. 

It wasn’t that Dan was his life. He had other things, too. He had Suzy, his work, and his future. 

It was that Dan gave life meaning again. Something to look forward to, something to do, someone to fall in love with. 

And with meaning, Arin was more than willing to give life a second chance. He was willing to live for this person, this strange. He wasn’t too picky at the time. He built his life back up, all because this cute person made him feel special. And finally, they actually knew each other. And Arin was willing to give his life to this man, he was willing to give love and trust to this man. Because this man gave meaning to it all, a year ago. 

He remembers how it felt a year ago. Dan was too far to reach out and touch, but close enough to admire. He felt the stab to the heart when he realized that Dan would never know his name. Dan would never wake him up in the mornings. Arin would never get to make him laugh. 

But he finally has that chance, this one in a billion chance. 

And he’s so afraid of slipping up and messing up. This is one chance to keep Dan with him. To give back all that Dan has gifted him with. A good life, good work, a good friend. 

“Arin?” a soft, raspy voice whispers. Arin looks around. The night has only gotten darker, but he can see Dan’s sleepy and confused face looking up at him. He opens his arms. “Commere.” he mutters, his words slurring together from exhaustion. Arin lies back down, and Dan hugs him close, his head resting against Arin’s chest. Arin runs his hand through curly hair. 

“This is pretty gay, Dan.” Arin whispers, trying not to wake up Dan from whatever sleep induced trance he’s in. Dan nods, trying to stay awake. 

“It’s not gay if you say no homo.” 

Neither of them say no homo. Dan chuckles. 

“Well, that’s pretty gay.” there’s a sleepy smile on his face, and he looks up at Arin’s face again. “We’re pretty gay.” 

“I’m pretty sure I’m gay. I never got confirmation if you were.” Arin reaches up and tucks up a strand of hair behind Dan’s ear. Dan’s breathy laugh tickles Arin’s chest. 

“I love you.” Dan nuzzles Arin’s soft chest, and laughs again. “Your heart is going fast.” 

God, he wasn’t wrong. Dan made him feel butterflies in the stomach, his knees go weak, his mind race with everything he wants to do for him. It’s so cliche. It’s the stupid, lovey dovey stuff. It’s the teenage blushing and the heart pounding. It’s feeling so happy for no reason other than the fact that he’s blessed with the presence of the man he loves. 

It’s everything he ever wanted. 

It’s everything he ever wants. 

“You need to get some rest.” Dan’s sleepy, smiling face is looking up at him, and he feels his heart go faster. 

“Yeah, I guess so. I love you.” 

“You already said that.” 

“You didn’t say it back.” Dan’s still awake, waiting for Arin’s reply. Arin feels his breathing go off, tears blurring the darkness in a strange way. 

“I love you too.” Dan thinks about Arin’s reply, sleepy and slow. 

“I love you.” Arin feels tears slide down his face. 

“You already said… uh… you already said that.” Arin says, and Dan looks up at teary eyes, and a comically big smile. 

“I wanted to say it again. I love you. A third time.” Dan mutters, nodding off now. Arin tries to keep his breathing steady as Dan drifts back to sleep. 

What did Arin do so right to deserve someone like Dan? Someone that can make him smile even with all these dark thoughts swarming around his head? Someone that makes Arin feel so special? Someone that makes him laugh and smile, even in this dark hour. 

Dan’s soft snoring and his arms wrapped around his chest slowly drags him into sleep.


	15. Ballerina! AU Part 15

Today was the day that Dan was going to tell Arin. He had already left for work with Suzy to hopefully finish up the project that they were working on. Dan was left alone for the entirety of the day. 

The shoebox laid unopened on the coffee table, with Dan staring at it from the couch, like hopefully it might show him the way to tell Arin. Dan was almost afraid to open it, to know that there are parts of his past that are tangible and real, even to this day. It was silent, except for the honking of cars from the streets below. 

How was Dan going to do it? Was he going to just give Arin the box and hope that he could piece it together? Should he write him a letter? Should he just talk to Arin? What if he messed up? 

What if Arin hates him? What if Arin thinks he’s not worth it anymore? What if Arin thinks that he’s dirty? What if Arin starts to see Dan in the same way that Dan sees himself?

It’s happened before, where Dan would confess what happened to him. Sometimes it was a subtle shift in attitude, sometimes it was full out disgust. There had been many reactions. Dan really, really doesn’t want to ruin it with Arin. But at the same time, he doesn’t think that he can keep this a secret anymore. He needs help with this, he needs to be able to trust people again. He wants Arin to help him with this. 

Dan has been trusted with Arin’s past, one that is painful and still haunts him. So why is it so difficult for Dan to tell Arin? Is it because of the fact that Arin’s been watching him for the past year and perhaps knows him a bit better? Or is it because of the fact that Dan doesn’t trust people anymore?

“Fuck it.” Dan mutters under his breath, reaching over to the shoebox and taking off the lid. There are photographs, letters, contracts, and small momentos. Dan knows every single thing in the box, and he rummages through it all. He settles on sorting it all into piles on the coffee table. 

Letters from his family in one. Contracts for work in another, photographs of his childhood in a third, photos of him when he’s an adult, and small items. He works mechanically, like if he tries to just do this and nothing else and numb his thoughts, it might hurt a little less. In a little less than an hour, he’s got it all done. 

Twenty six letters from his family in one pile. 

Three contracts for work in one pile. 

Fifteen photographs of him as a child in one pile. 

Seven photographs of him as an adult in one pile. 

Three small trinkets from his past in one pile. 

All of this, his entire past, can fit into five piles on a coffee table. Dan stares out at it all, the letters that he’s memorized, the contracts that he hates, the photographs that he wish he could go back to, the photos that bear evidence, and the trinkets that he keeps close to his heart. 

He starts to cry. It’s all here, all of it. Every painful moment, every uncontrollable fit of laughter, his parents worry, his sister’s love. It’s all here. And what has it made? A man who doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore. 

He tries to keep his breathing under control, and through blurry eyes, he picks up the old photographs and shuffles through them. There are pictures of him and his sister, playing with a water sprinkler. One where he’s sitting on a bean bag, with his sister wrestling him. One where he’s dancing, on his toes, his short, chubby arms clasped above his head. His sister mirrors him. Memories fly past as Dan inspects the old pictures. Birthdays, Hanukkahs, hot summers, and snowy winters. His sister is in nearly all of them, copying Dan is some way. 

God, his sister. What does she think of Dan now? The brother that she used to look up to. What happened to him? How did it all fall apart so quickly? 

Does she even think of Dan anymore? 

He ignores the last thought and gently places the aged photographs back onto the table. His hand brushes against one of the items on the table. It’s a rock, one that’s dark purple and glitters. His sister gave it to him because she thought it had good luck. Dan kept it because it holds memories. He picks it up. The smooth, cold surface against his palm is calming to an extent. The other two objects remain still. 

A worn, faded ribbon from when Dan was still a child and back when his sister still looked up to him. It’s pink. It was Dan’s, but his sister used it so much that it was more hers. She gave it to him on the day that Dan was to leave for LA, telling him to always continue dancing.

The last item is the most fragile. It’s a dried flower petal. It’s from a bouquet that his family gave him after his first proper ballet. He put on of the pink rose petals in a book, and let it dry. Years later, he holds it in his hands, along with the rock, and ribbon.   
He gently places them back into the box. He doesn’t want them to get lost. He puts the childhood photographs of him in there too. There’s no point in having them out longer than necessary. 

The letters, contracts, and photographs remain on the table, menacing and threatening. With shaking hands, Dan picks up the letters. 

All of them are written within six year period. His family thought it would be nice to send him letters sometimes. He’s read all of them, the early ones that were so hopeful, and how that hope drained over the years. Dan never replied. The last few of these letters are desperate and pleading. His mother and father begged for him to come back. Dan had stopped picking up their phone calls, stopped reading their texts. It wasn’t a surprise that they thought he was dead. They probably did think that until his sister told him that he was safe and alive. Even then, all they had to go on was her words and their own hope. They didn’t have a scrap of evidence that suggested that he was still alive. 

He puts those into the box without reading a single one. He doesn’t need to relive those painful words. 

The three contracts lie on the table, beckoning for his attention. He breaks, and picks them up. The first one is from the small dance company that he first worked at when he moved. He was twenty when he signed that paper, and twenty one when the company went under. The next contract was signed when he was twenty two, and he quit when he was twenty seven. The newest contract overlaps with the last one. He signed it two years ago, when he was twenty six. He was fired only a week ago. 

God, that was only a week ago. It makes his head dizzy. He’s really going to share all of this, his entire past with a person he’s only known for a week. 

He puts the contracts back into the shoebox. 

All that is left on the table is the photographs of him as an adult. He doesn’t like looking at them, and he doesn’t do it frequently, but he feels like it’s necessary today. The first few are with his old buddy Brian, with them working together on songs back when he thought he had a chance in hell. The last four are evidence. Also back when he thought he had a chance in hell. 

Pictures of bruises and scars and cuts that he took of himself in hopes that maybe when he quit this horrible job, he might be able to sue the company for abuse and neglect of employees. Now, it feels like a far away dream. After all, who cares about employees when you work at a… Dan doesn’t want to think about it. It makes him shudder to this very day, and he wonders what happened to the other employees. Did they make their escape? Or are they still there?

Dan puts those pictures back into the shoebox. The coffee table no longer holds the burden of his pasts. The shoe box’s lid goes back on. 

Dan puts it aside, and leans back on the couch. His back aches from being hunched for too long and his shoulders are in pain. But his mind races only faster. 

How do you walk someone through your entire past? 

-

By the time Dan hears keys jingling on the other side of the door, he’s already exhausted. He’s created so many plans and scenarios in his mind and played them over and over. If he had the choice he probably wouldn’t even choose to tell Arin today, but he was too tired to keep on carrying this secret by himself, and the shoebox was still on the table. 

He wants so badly to trust Arin. He has to do that now. 

Arin walks in through the door with a tired but victorious look on his face, but it immediately changes once he sees Dan’s hunched form on the couch. There’s a tension in the air that almost feels heavy, and Arin doesn’t say anything to break the awkward silence. 

“I’ll just put my stuff away and we can talk, alright?” he asks. Dan’s thankful that Arin can read him so well. He nods, and Arin heads to the bedroom. There’s a voice shouting in Dan’s head that tells him to forget all of this, to hide the shoebox and wait just a while longer. There’s another voice screaming for him to make a plan, even just a sloppy one. He’s too tired to think of one now. 

And there’s a calm, almost quiet voice that tells him that it’ll be alright. That Arin will love him with all his heart, no matter what. 

Dan puts his head in his hands, and hopes for the best. He doesn’t look up when he hears Arin’s footsteps returning, he doesn’t turn his head when Arin sits down next to him on the couch. Arin doesn’t say anything. Neither does Dan. 

Arin’s not sure why he’s acting like this, so crushed and lonely. Was it something that he did? And what was that shoebox? It’s old and worn, but obviously well loved. It’s not something that Arin has, so it’s one of Dan’s few belongings. 

“Dan?”   
The gentle, worried way that Arin says his name gently guides him back to reality, out of his anxiety ridden thoughts. Arin would never hate him. Arin would never judge him. Arin wouldn’t kick him out. Arin loves him. He knows it. He knows it by the way Arin says his name. 

“Arin, I need to tell you something.” Dan says with a deep breath, sitting up. Arin’s eyes follow his every move, and then move to the box on the coffee table in front of them. Dan’s staring at it like it’s something evil. Arin’s not sure he wants to know what’s inside. His hands naturally move to the box, and Dan has to suppress a flinch. His hands immediately stop moving. 

“Dan?” Arin waits, not moving his hands closer or further. Dan nods. 

“I want to tell you something. I… I.” Dan’s desperate eyes search Arin’s face, and find some reassurance. Arin is worried. Dan has to trust him. “We have… more in common than I would like.” 

Arin’s heart and mind races with that last sentence. More in common than what Dan would like? Does Dan not like him? Was Dan bisexual? 

“Dan?” It sounds like a plea. Dan glances at the box, and at the man he loves. 

“You should open the box.” is the only reply Arin gets. His hands shake as he takes off the lid of the box. It confuses him at first. It’s mostly folded up papers, envelopes, old photographs, and a few random items. It only takes a few seconds for the confusion to clear once he spots a familiar name on the envelopes. 

It was Dan’s family. There were dozens of them, over the span of years. He only reads the first paragraph of one. 

My son, 

I’m not sure if this letter will ever reach your hands. But if you are alive, or if you still love us, please return home. We are your family, we will love you no matter what you did or what happened to you. Please, just let us know that you are alive. We just want to see your face again. 

When Arin turns to look at Dan, there are tears in his eyes, he looks so defeated and crushed, but there is no resistance against what Arin is doing. 

“Dan? Is this from your mom?” Arin asks. Dan doesn’t react at all. He’s staring off. “Dan? What is this?” Again, there is no answer. Arin waits for a moment. Then he makes up his mind. If Dan doesn’t give him an answer, he has to find one. Right?

There are photographs of a little boy and a little girl, playing and wrestling. Parties. Family photos. There are three little items. A flower petal, an old ribbon, and a shiny rock. He handles them all with caution. It’s all delicate. If it’s Dan, it means the world to Arin. 

Arin sets the letters, the old photographs, and the little items on the table next to the box. Dan still doesn’t move at all. He reaches out just a little bit, and he can see Dan twitch away. 

Something is very wrong here. He’s suppose to understand something between Dan’s silence and this box full of memories, he just hasn’t found it. 

“Are you okay?” 

Dan’s silence motivated him further. 

There are three folded papers. Contracts, for work. There’s one that’s a dance company, but it’s not the one that Dan was fired from just a while ago. This was signed six years ago. Dan’s only worked at the last one for the last two years. He skims over the paper, but he doesn’t understand most of what’s written on it anyways. He places that paper on the table, next to the trinkets. 

When he reaches for the next contract, he can see Dan’s eyes squeeze shut and his hands clenches into fists. He recoils like the paper had just burst into flames. 

“Dan? What’s happening?” Arin whispers. Dan shakes his head, his jaw set and his eyes glassy. There’s something so wrong with his Dan, there’s something hurting him so badly. Like what happened to him when he told Dan about his past. 

His past. It hits Arin like a brick. 

His past. Dan’s past. This… This was Dan’s past. 

So there was a reason that he was hurting. The small pieces were falling together. The short segment of the letter that he wrote, the contract. Watching Dan’s face, he reaches for the contract again. Dan looks down at his feet. 

Arin’s stomach drops when he reads the contract. The name of the establishment makes it obvious that… Arin doesn’t even want to think about it. There was a reason that Dan was so scared about sharing a bed. This was it. He reads through the contract, and at the very end, the fine print catches his eye. 

You will be required to provide services to customers, no matter what the request is. You will be paid your set wage from The Sensual Sensation, plus whatever tip the customer decides to pay you. 

The type is so small that he’s nearly sure that Dan didn’t know that it was there. It wasn’t just a strip club, it was a… 

Arin realizes he’s almost torn the paper in his fists. He throws it onto the pile on the table, and grabs the next contract. This one was only signed two years ago. It’s the ballet theatre that Dan used to work for. Arin’s too angry to properly process any information he does read, and after only a few seconds, he puts that paper on the coffee table as well. 

There are only a few more pictures left in the mostly empty box. 

A few pictures of Dan with an older man, laughing. 

Then the last few pictures. Arin audibly gasps, staring at the photo. No. It isn’t. 

But Arin knows Dan’s body. But this isn’t Dan’s body. There are bruises that mark up his neck where a hdn has choked him, vivid red scratches that have welted up on his stomach. There’s a painful looking bite mark on his skinny hips. 

Arin doesn’t look at the rest of them, and puts them on the coffee table, face down. His breathing is out of control, and he can’t help but be pissed. 

How could the company fuck Dan over like that? So Dan’s been forced to sleep with other people? How long did he stay there? How many people? Who fucking hurt him like that? 

It’s not until Arin hears a soft sob that these angry thoughts screech to a halt. 

“Dan.” 

Dan flinches, shaking his head. He’s crying, his arms are wrapped around himself like Arin might… hurt him.   
“Dan, it’s okay. You’re safe.” Arin reaches out, and Dan recoils. “Dan.” his voice cracks. 

“I’m so sorry.” Dan’s voice is thin and strained. 

“No, you don’t-” 

“You don’t deserve someone like me-” 

“You’re the best thing I could have asked for-” 

“And I’m so fucking useless-” 

“Please, Dan just listen-” 

“I’m so so sorry.” 

Arin wants to hug Dan, he wants to run his hand through his hair, he wants to tell him everything is alright and that there’s nothing to be sorry for. But Dan still flinches away from Arin’s tough like Arin is disgusted in him. 

“Dan, it wasn’t your fault. Listen to me, alright?” Dan’s lost eyes look up to Arin, and he nods. Arin runs a hand through his hair, angrily blinking away tears. “They had no right to do that to you. And you probably didn’t even know that they would do that, right?” 

“But I should have seen-” 

“The font’s tiny. They made it so you wouldn’t see it.” Dan shuts up, but there’s still doubt in his eyes. Arin’s absolutely furious. He wants to destroy everything. He wants to punch the manager of the strip club, he wants to break the arms of everyone who hurt his Dan, he wants to burn the contract. “Dan, I still love you. I just… I’m just really pissed that you had to go through all of that.” 

“You’re not angry at me?” 

Arin’s caught of guard for a moment. 

“Why would I be?” 

Dan sobs, and rushes in for a hug. Slowly, Arin hugs him back. 

“I love you.” Dan whimpers into Arin’s shirt. 

“I love you too.”


	16. Ballerina! AU Part 16

The rest of the day goes by quietly. Arin does everything he can to make sure that Dan’s comfortable, wrapping him up in a blanket, making him soup for dinner, and making sure that he’s drinking enough water. The apartment is hushed most of the time, with Dan just starting to realize what had happened, and Arin gently reassuring him that he loves him. 

Dan feels like he’s not quite there. He isn’t sure what the feeling is, but he definitely doesn’t feel good. Arin notices the glassy and faded look, and quickly reacts. 

“Dan? You alright?” Arin whispers, sitting down next to Dan on the couch. Although most of Dan’s body is wrapped up in a soft blanket, his hand is out on his lap. Arin takes it in his own hand, and notices that it’s strangely cold. Dan’s been quiet for the last few hours, lost in thought and reliving his past. 

Dan hardly feels Arin’s hand wrapped around his own, but nods anyways. His eyes don’t go to Arin’s face for comfort, as he often does. They are transfixed on a single point in front of him. 

“I’m okay.” The voice doesn’t sound like Dan’s. Arin checks his phone, it’s still only 7:12 but Dan looks completely exhausted. Arin’s done everything to make sure that Dan was comfortable, but none of it seems to be working. Maybe if he just slept for a while, it’ll help. 

“C’mon, Dan.” Arin grunts, slipping his hands under Dan, and lifting him up. It’s a little difficult to see, with the blanket in his face, but Arin manages to carry him into the bedroom. Dan’s usual blush isn’t there, Arin notices. He’s still and quiet. Arin’s heart cracks a little, and he hopes that he’s doing everything right. “Let’s get some sleep.” Arin whispers, untangling Dan from the blanket and helping him into bed. Dan doesn’t do anything to help, but he doesn’t fight Arin either. 

There are no blushes, no jokes, no happy smiles. There’s just this constantly empty look in his eyes. Arin sighs, letting his fingers brush against Dan’s hand. He gets into bed with Dan. His first instinct is to get close and hug him, to let him know he’s not alone. But the moment he reaches out, he stops. 

God, Dan must have so many bad memories tied to sharing beds. He doesn’t want to hurt him. He doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable. 

Arin has to angrily wipe away tears. God, Dan’s been through so much. Six years of… For fuck’s sake, why Dan? Why such a kind and good person? Why did he have to go through so much? It’s tearing Arin’s heart to shreds. 

Dan hears a sniffle. He knows it’s from Arin, but there’s sort of a disconnection between his emotions and what his brain thinks. He knows that Arin is crying. He knows that he should be crying. He knows that he should be crying with Arin, hugging him right now. But it feels like he’s used up all of his emotions, and all that’s left is just… him. 

He turns to face Arin anyways. 

Arin’s face is blotchy, smooth peach skin dappled with pink. Tears make his hair clump together. His jaw is set, and he’s putting effort into making his breathing even, but Dan can hear that he’s starting to crumble. 

Something clicks in his mind. Slowly, like someone is focusing a pair of lens, it’s like he can see again. It’s like his emotions and his mind are finally working together again. 

“Arin, I’m so sorry.” Dan whispers, his hand wiping away tears, and Arin’s hand immediately holds his hand there. He nuzzles into the touch. He’s trying to gather enough breath to speak, and Dan doesn’t interrupt him. Arin’s holding onto his hand, wiping away tears with the other. 

“I’m sorry, too. You shouldn’t have gone through all of that… It’s horrible.” Arin has the same anger that he had when he talked about his own past. Dan sighs, and feels emotions flare up in bright colors and fluttering feelings in his stomach. Arin’s protectiveness and loyalty was unwavering, even in difficult times. Dan can rely on him in ways that he didn’t know he could trust people. 

“Yeah. We both went through really shitty things, didn’t we?” Dan rolls so he’s on his back, and staring at the ceiling. He feels Arin let go on his hand, and he hears the bed sheets ruffle as Arin does the same thing. Without a word, they hold hands again. Dan’s still close enough to Arin that he could just move his arm a little, and nudge Arin’s shoulder. They both stare up at the smooth, pale ceiling, lost in thought. “We lived through really shitty stuff.” Dan whispers. 

It hits them hard. They’ve lived through things that most people hear about in news articles. Things that people rebel about, the things that people protest about. They have been abused, they have been tossed aside, they have lost everything. 

It doesn’t feel amazing, or extraordinary that they’re lying there, holding hands. It just feels right. 

They look back at the past. The exact moment where they fucked up, how their lives got so tangled and complicated and painful. The exact moment where they started to fix their lives again. The exact moment where they realized they were in love. 

“It’s kinda scary, sometimes.” Arin breathes. The warm amber of sunset light streams in, starting to dull now. 

“Yeah. Yeah, it really is.” They don’t look at each other. They just take comfort from the other person’s presence. They realize that they really did survive. That they shared their past. That they did all of this and it all ended up with them holding hands. 

“And all this stuff that we’ve lived through. Isn’t it weird?” Arin laughs, and he wipes away tears. There are too many feelings. 

Sadness. Why are they so hurt? Why did all that happen to them? Are they going to be able to fix it? 

Anger. Why them? Who fucking dared to hurt them? Someone as beautiful and good as the person they hold hands with. 

Relief. So much relief. It’s all over. They’re leaving that in the past. They’re moving on. 

They survived. They’re surviving. 

“Yeah. It really is weird.” Dan laughs, and realizes that he’s crying to. He looks at Arin in shock, and smiles when he realizes that Arin’s doing the same time. It doesn’t feel like it doesn’t take any effort for them to pull each other into a hug. The light fades, and they’re still hugging, wrapped in the blanket, lying in bed. Legs rub together, fingers trace patterns, chests heave, and eyes adore the view of the man that they love. 

“Y’know, I really love you.” Danny says. Arin buries his face into Dan’s shoulder, letting his curly hair tickle his cheeks. “I really do.” 

“You better.” Arin huffs, and he smiles when he feels Dan laugh. “I love you too.” 

There’s a pause, full of unspoken words. 

Dan’s tired of those silences. 

“So what are we? Really.” Dan asks. It’s a slight surprise to Arin. Dan’s usually so nervous and anxious. But it’s a welcome surprise. 

“Roommates, I guess.” Dan feels his curls shift from Arin’s shrug. He hugs Arin a little tighter. 

“I don’t even live here.” 

“Do you want to?” 

“Oh, hell yes.” Dan breathes. Arin doesn’t move, they don’t need to see eye to eye right now. They know each other. 

“And so that’s it. Just cancel your rent at your old place, and bam. We’re done. I’m pretty sure they don’t care if you take all your stuff.” Arin shudders a little, remembering Dan’s old apartment. Dan nods. 

“So that’s it?” 

Arin nods. 

“That was a lot easier than I thought it would be.” Arin laughs. “I’m serious, Arin!” Arin pushes himself up a little, so he’s a little higher than Dan, who’s still on his side. One of his eyebrows are raised. 

“Did you really think it would be difficult? You basically already live here anyways.” Dan shrugs, with a smile. Arin’s right. Why did he ever worry anyways? Arin loves him. 

“I don’t know. I didn’t think you wanted me to live here.” Arin laughs, and Dan can swear that he can see the reflection of stars in his eyes. 

“God, Dan. This is my dream.” He drops back onto the bed, making the bed shake a little, “Like, imagine your crush living in your house. Isn’t that basically what’s happening to me right now?” 

“I don’t have to imagine.” Arin glances at Dan, his brows furrowed. 

“Oh, God you’re so cheesy.” Arin gently pushes Dan’s face away. Dan counterattacks with a pillow to the face. “You better not be this cliche when we’re dating!” he shouts, and they laugh. 

Why did they ever worry in the first place?


	17. Ballerina! AU Part 17

“And then he said ‘you better not be this cliche when we’re dating.’” Suzy somehow manages to smile even wider. Sitting on the couch like this, she feels like Dan’s friend, not a stranger that he’s known

“When you’re dating? Not if?” Dan shakes his head, grabbing the empty plates from the coffee table. 

“When. Not if.” Dan answers, soaking the dishes in the sink. When he turns to look at Suzy, she’s lost in thought, sitting with her legs gathered under her. There is something about her look that made it seem like she has something planned. Dan brushes the thought away. Suzy is a smart woman. It would be strange if she didn’t have something planned. 

“So are you planning on taking him out?” Suzy asks in a voice that a little too innocent. Dan shoots her a look, and she only smiles brighter. 

“Maybe. I don’t like your tone, missy.” her smile doesn’t even falter. Dan sighs. “I really have no clue. I’m not… y’know… aware of his boundaries.” Suzy looks around the room, her brows furrow together. 

“Just ask. Arin’s very open with that stuff, you know that. And even if you don’t ask, he’ll let you know when he doesn’t like something.” Suzy’s voice is soft and reassuring. Dan can’t help but agree. When Suzy says it, it always seems more real and concrete. 

“Yeah, Arin’s like that. But there’s still the fact that I don’t know when to ask him. Or how to. Or where to take him.” The plotting look on Suzy’s face has only grown. 

“Well, I think you should let Arin ask first. After all, he’s had his eye on you for an entire year. He must have some type of plan, right?” Everything she says is true, but…

“Are you planning something? With Arin? You seem very… informed about all this.” there’s just the tiniest hint of nervousness in Suzy’s fading smile. She covers it up so quickly that Dan’s not even sure that he saw it or if he just imagined it. 

“I’ve been on dates, too. I know how to make a relationship work. Plus, it’s just common sense, right?” she asks. 

Dammit. Dan wants to know what she has planned, but she’s too good at acting. 

“Well, I gotta go. Mochi and Mimi need baths today.” Suzy is already halfway out the window once she finishes her sentence. 

“How do you even bathe a cat?” He yells. Suzy’s already halfway up the fire escape, but Dan can still hear her reply. 

“Get in the bathtub with them.” Dan flinches. 

“Jesus,” he mutters to himself. The apartment is always strangely quiet without either Suzy or Arin. He looks around the apartment, looking for something to do. 

Dishes. 

Make the bed. 

Do some yoga and stretching. 

Listen to old songs, singing along. 

Search through his shoebox, feeling the weight lighten. He wasn’t the only one that had to carry this burden now. He smiles, leaving the box on his side of the bed, outside of the duffle bag. He doesn’t need to hide it anymore. It’s a nice feeling. 

It’s 5:57 when Dan hears the rushed sounds of Arin unlocking the door. Arin runs in, with a big, goofy smile on his face. 

“Is that Skyfall by Adele?” he asks, breathless. Dan nods, slowly. Arin is rather excited, his chest heaving. “Nice, nice. Well, give me just a second!” Arin runs to the bedroom, and Dan’s worried gaze follows him.

“Dude, why are you so excited?” Dan asks, turning off the music.. He can hear Arin running around and grabbing new clothes through the wall. 

“We finished the project!” Dan has to think for a moment. Project… 

Oh. Oh!

“Oh, holy shit! Nice!” Dan yells. He finally understands Arin’s excitement. He doesn’t really know much about it, but he knows that Arin’s been working on it with the rest of his team for weeks, and he knows that they used him as a model. 

“Yeah! We all decided to share it with you!” Arin runs out, wearing more comfortable clothes, black sweatpants, and a black tank top, holding up his laptop and typing with one hand. He sits down on the couch, and Dan sits right next to him. 

Arin opens up a folder on his laptop and immediately clicks on full screen. Dan can feel his heart beating in his chest. Arin’s excitement is really rubbing off on him. The video loads and soft violin music swells up. Dan can recognize Vernon’s drawing of the stage with red curtains, but it’s much more detailed and realistic in the final product. 

The curtains are drawn back, and a few ballerinas come on stage. 

Correction, a few ballerinas, and Dan come on stage. It should have been obvious that some characters in the animation would look like Dan since he was the model for them, but this… this doesn’t look like Dan. It is Dan. It’s too detailed to be anyone else. 

The real Dan stares at the animated Dan. Then he stares at Arin, who doesn’t notice. Arin’s eyes are glued to the screen. He turns his attention back to the video. 

Dan and the other ballerinas start dancing. Dan catches little details, things that most people wouldn’t notice. Like, the costume that Dan is wearing is based on the one that he wore during Swan Lake, a few months ago. There are moments where Dan can recognize the dance from different ballets he’s danced in the past year. Different parts of the music were based on the different ballets he’s been in. The very last seconds are Dan’s dance that he did in the studio, and the music swells before fading away. The screen fades to black for a moment, and the sound of applause fades away. 

The video changes to backstage, where Dan is sitting, upset, in his costume room. The familiar room is based on the real thing, too. There’s a knock on the door, and Dan goes to answer it. A very tall man mouths words, but he’s drowned out by the distant cheering and clapping that’s still going on. Animated Dan starts to stammer, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, before running out of the costume room, past the very tall man. 

It’s in the first person now, and little animated Dan’s vision is blurry, his hands reaching up to his face every so often to wipe away tears. The thundering sound of clapping and the raspy breathing makes Dan’s hair stand on end. There’s something very eerie about the sound. 

It cuts back to the third person, and animated Dan has just tripped. He cries out, holding his ankle. A shadow reaches out to him, and Dan flinches away. The shadow comes out into the dim light. 

It’s Arin. Even animated, they captured his worry and concern perfectly. Arin holds out a hand to Dan, who hesitantly takes it. When Arin pulls him up, Dan flinches, and Arin glances at him with concern. Arin helps him walk to the car, and there’s a short animation clip of the car driving through a dark and starry night. There’s a slow, hesitant song that twinkles with the rhythm of the stars that blink down like they can’t believe the sight that they’re seeing. A ballerina and the audience man that have fallen in love under the stars. They drive away. 

Dan can still remember it. 

There’s a shorter scene of Arin taking care of Dan while he sleeps, another one of Arin making breakfast, them laughing together, and the scenes start to blur together. Familiar things, like doing the dishes and the laundry and laughing and eating breakfast together. The song speeds up, bubbling up like laughter, like the sound of Arin’s loud belly laugh and Dan’s chuckles. 

Then suddenly, unfamiliar things. Going to a coffee shop together, ice cream on a hot day, going to the beach, slow dancing. The song is racing, like heartbeats that belong to people that just realized that they’re in love and the beats are pounding so hard that Dan’s sure that he can feel the vibrations in the air, and he can feel the impact of sound on his skin. 

The music slows, but the insanity doesn’t shrink, the music settles and it feels like home. 

Animated Dan and animated Arin are close to each other, swaying with Arin’s humming of a familiar song. Arin’s face is buried in Dan’s shoulder, and Dan has a faint and happy smile on his face. They’re in comfortable clothes, and they look tired, and so happy, and so in love. 

The scene fades to black, and cursive handwriting comes up. 

The End. 

Dan realizes that the blur of the video wasn’t the animation, but rather the tears that were just starting to trail down his face. 

“That was us,” Dan whispers. Arin closes the laptop, and he gathers his legs under him, turning. Dan’s very still and there are tears that leave trails on his face. 

“That’s gonna be us,” Arin whispers back. Dan glances at Arin, the man that has watched him dance for so long, two artists realize that they need each other like they need the art that they live on. “That could be us. If you want to be.” 

Dan is breathless. 

Arin’s art is beautiful. 

Dan’s dance is the foundation for Arin’s art. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.”


	18. Ballerina! AU Part 18

Everything feels so much more intimate now, since they’re officially a couple. Sharing a bed, eating meals, cuddling. It’s like the world shifted a little. Dan doesn’t mind it all that much. Intimacy with Arin was nice. Plus, they were already doing all of this stuff before they were dating, it’s just now since they are dating… everything feels a little bit more special. 

Dan loves it. 

“So how long were you working on that? The video.” Dan asks between mouthfuls of sushi that Arin bought. It’s really good, and he isn’t going to stop eating to ask Arin a question. He shoves another salmon roll into his mouth. 

“A couple of months. Suzy just happened to see it one day and told me that I should get some help from the rest of the team. Then I actually got to know you, and the team was super excited and all that.” Arin says with a shrug. Dan smiles. Arin is thoughtful, protective, and loveable. Eating sushi at 7:39 with the man that he loves. Dan would never have imagined that this would be his life, even just a few weeks ago. 

“So if you didn’t get to meet me, how would you have done it?” Dan asks. Arin glances up, only for a moment, before turning his attention to a piece of tuna. 

“Done what?” 

“Asked me out.” 

Arin thoughtful chews on the piece of tuna, his eyes wandering. 

“I don’t really know. I don’t think I would have had the courage to ask you, actually.” Dan chuckles, but at the same time his stomach drops. God, if it weren’t for that shithead of a lady who had her flash on while taking photos, he wouldn’t be here. He wouldn’t be so happy. 

“Really?” 

“Really.” 

They chew different types of sushi in silence. Arin fumbles with his chopsticks, and gently picks up a piece of breadcrumb covered salmon, and carefully guides it to Dan’s face. He eagerly eats it. 

“Is this one the crunchy salmon roll?” It’s spicy, crunchy, and delicious. Arin has a faint smile on his face. 

“Yup! It’s… It’s, uh, my favorite.” he says with an embarrassed look on his face. Dan smiles, and picks up a piece of tuna sushi that has red sauce on it, and feeds it to Arin. He makes a face. 

“Tuna?” he asks. 

“And?” Dan asks with a shit eating grin, waiting for Arin’s reaction. Arin is thoughtfully chewing, before he realizes what else is in the sushi. 

“Spicy!” he lunges for the water bottle, and Dan is doubled over laughing. Arin gasps between gulps of water. “That wasn’t fair!” 

“There aren’t any rules, Arin!” Dan laughs. “We didn’t even make this a game!” Arin glares at him through the plastic of the water bottle. 

“There were moral rules!” Arin laughs. 

A thought hits him, and it’s like someone’s thrown a punch straight into his gut. 

God, this was the happiest he’s been in the last decade. It hits him so hard, that his grin is wiped off his face. Arin keeps on laughing only until he realizes Dan’s face. 

“Hey, Dan? You alright there?” Arin whispers, his entire personality changing. His voice is deep and concerned. “Dan?” 

It only takes a second for Dan to realize that he’s worrying Arin. He turns to look at Arin, who has worry and spicy sauce on his face. 

“Yeah. I just kinda… realized something. I’m fine, babe.” Arin’s hand gently grasps Dan’s, and he looks into his eyes. Dan’s stomach flutters. Even though he hates worrying Arin, there’s a strange part of his mind that loves it. Having someone worry over you, someone who is willing to do so much for your health and safety. 

“What… What was it that you realized? If you’re okay with sharing.” 

God, and it’s so nice to have someone ask permission again. For anything. For everything. Someone who cares enough about your feelings to ask if you’re okay with something.   
“I just realized that I’m, like, I am the happiest that I’ve been in the last decade.” Arin sighs and looks up at Dan with a soft smile, squeezing his hand. “And it’s all thanks to you.” 

Dan’s hand moves to Arin’s cheek. The soft stubble tickles his palm, and realizes that he’s close enough to see the look of surprise in Arin’s eyes. Arin moves back, just a little. 

“Are you sure?” he whispers, soft enough that Dan barely hears, but he’s so close that he can feel Arin’s breath on his nose. 

“Never been more sure of anything in my life.” Dan mutters. Arin’s breathing is controlled and deep, a hand moving to the hand that isn’t on his face, and the other to Dan’s hair. 

Kissing Arin was different than any other kiss. 

He’s kissed girls as a teen. Sloppy, rushed, and mostly void of emotion. 

He’s kissed men and women as an adult. Not too different than the kisses that he’s had as a teen, but now he’s being forced to. 

He’s kissing Arin. Instead of the instinct in his head that shouts for him to run away, to get away before they hurt him, his mind is silent. He’s living in the moment. It’s slow, careful, and soft. Arin’s stubble brushes against his lips. 

For the first time in his life, he’s kissing someone he loves. 

Arin gently leans back, and Dan doesn’t move his hand from where it is on Arin’s face. They’re both out of breath, a little, not because of the kiss but because of the fact that they just kissed a person that they love. 

“You kinda taste like tuna.” Dan says with a lazy smile. “And the sauce isn’t even that spicy! You’re such a drama queen.” 

“And you kinda taste like salmon.” Arin smiles back, “And it is spicy.” he angrily mutters. Dan shakes his head, trying not to chuckle. 

Arin’s idea of a date isn’t what most people would call normal, but Dan loves them all the same. Arin often brings food after work, making sure he eats often. Dan isn’t really sure what to think when he starts gaining weight, a little layer of chub hides his ribs. He’s not used to looking so healthy. Arin loves him all the same.   
Arin shows him doodles and animations that he’s working on at work, brings him bouquets of flowers, and shows him all the love in the world. 

The last few weeks have been the best time of his life. 

“There’s another place I wanna show you, it’s a Thai place, and God, the noodles there are amazing!” 

-

“I’m going to sleep, babe. Come to bed when you can.” Arin says, wrapped in a blanket, gently pulling Dan into a hug, placing a kiss on Dan’s cheek. Dan nods, smiling up at his sleepy boyfriend. 

“I will. Love you.” Arin has already stumbled halfway to the bedroom once Dan finished his sentence. Arin leans on the doorframe, and looks back. Dan’s soft curls are highlighted by the artificial light that streamed in through the large windows. His eyes are half closed, his breathing soft and even. He looks beautiful and alive. 

“Love you too.” Arin says, going to the bedroom. It doesn’t take too long before Dan can hear the familiar soft snoring coming from the bedroom. Dan is careful to make sure that his footsteps do not make any sound as he creeps around the sofa, and opens the window. Despite it being late at night, the world outside is illuminated with the lights from apartment windows and neon signs that beckon for Dan’s attention. He ignores it easily. 

His first step onto the fire escape, and flinches when his shoes shake the metal. He pauses, listening to see if Arin woke up. There was no change in his breathing, and Dan hurries up the stairs. The metal under his shoes echo through the night, covered up by the constant sound of the cars racing past him under his feet. 

He feels unsteady without Arin’s guidance, but he has to talk to Suzy. 

It takes longer than anything in his life, but he finally climbs up the stairs, and knocks on the window. A familiar face shows up behind the glass, distorted by the reflection of so many buildings and lights, but Dan knows that face as well as he knows Arin’s. The window opens. 

“Don’t look down.” Suzy teases, and Dan forces a smile. She moves out of the way as he squeezes through the window. One cat lazily looks up at him before stretching and walking over to rub against his leg. The other cat is asleep on the floor, and doesn’t even notice when Dan’s weight causes a tiny creak. Without boots or heels, Suzy just barely comes up to his shoulder, but still Dan looks up to her. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun, her makeup is gone, and she’s wearing a tank top with shorts. Yet, there’s still that very familiar aura of confidence and power that she radiates. 

“Dan, what’s happening? Why are you breaking into my house at…” she pauses and pulls her phone out of her pocket, “10:34 at night?” 

“I… I need your help.” Suzy looks surprised, something that isn’t too common. Suzy’s always ready for anything, she’s always prepared. But something like this isn’t something that she would prepare for. 

“Is it Arin?” 

“No. He’s fine.” She pauses, just the tiniest twitch in her cheek shows that she is thinking hard.

“Is… Is it you?” she asks, watching Dan’s every movement as he sits down. She remains standing, and even then they are at eye level. He sighs, his shoulder hunch and he runs a hand through his hair. 

“Yeah. It’s… It’s me.” Suzy’s eyes flick around the room, like Dan’s thoughts are floating above his head and she’s reading them all in her mind. 

“It’s… that thing. The thing that you… have a problem with.” Suzy pauses. She knows that even the smallest things could bother people in matters as personal as this. Years with Arin have burned that lesson into her mind. 

“Yeah. It’s… um…” 

“I understand. So what… what did you want to talk about?” she asks. Dan seems conflicted, and Suzy isn’t really sure what’s going on. If this is about sex, then it’s something personal that they have to work out by themselves, but she’s sure that Arin is doing everything he can to make Dan comfortable. 

“I’ve… I’ve been having nightmares.” he whispers. Suzy nods. Nightmares are a common side effect of assault. The fact comes to Suzy quickly. She knows her research even to today, just in case Arin relapses. Now, she realizes that Dan has the same problems. And she might be able to help. 

“Nightmares?” she urges.

“Nightmares about… what’s happened to me. That kind of stuff.” Suzy nods. The solution is simple enough. 

“Talk to Arin. He’s been through similar things and he has nightmares. It would be harder for me to help, since I’m not as close as you two are, and I haven’t had the same experiences. But that’s just what I think. It’s up to you to do whatever you think is best.” Suzy whispers. Dan nods, a smile showing. 

Suzy always knows what to do. She always knows what to say. And it’s the confidence and knowingness in her voice that always seems to calm Dan. Suzy steps forward, taking one of his hands. 

“You trust him. And he knows what it feels like. He might be able to help. And of course, I’ll be here.” 

-

Dan’s surprised when he squeezes in through the window and still hears Arin’s breathing from their bedroom. He was sure that the noise that he made going up and down the metal fire escape would wake up his boyfriend, but Arin’s always full of surprises. He closes the window, and enjoys the muffled silence for a moment. There’s pale silvery moonlight streaming into their apartment, with the tints of artificial bright colors. 

Dan has learned to love this place as much as he loves his boyfriend. 

When he enters the bedroom, Arin’s form is under the bed covers. The stripes of light illuminate his sleeping face. Dan smiles to himself before changing and crawling under the bedsheets with him. 

Before he falls asleep, Arin rolls over and gently hugs him closer.


	19. Ballerina! AU Part 19

The dimly lit room was far too familiar to Dan. The outrageous red lights have always bothered his eyes, but now it made his stomach turn. The color never failed to give him a headache, and it still has the same effect now. He’s dizzy and struggles to stand up, leaning on the wall for support. He doesn’t want to stay any longer than he needs to. He doesn’t wait to take in details or look around. He remembers this place vividly enough in his nightmares.

He searches for an exit. No matter how hard he searches, he can’t find it. Only the horrible red lights, the bed, and the drawer that Dan knows has a bottle of flavored lube and condoms in it. The panic starts to settle in his stomach and he backs away from the bed, like it’s a hungry tiger. He would rather be in a room with a hungry tiger than be in a room with this bed. 

He wants to leave, he needs to leave, right now. His ribcage feels like it has just collapsed onto his lungs and his fingernails leave painful red welts on his skin. This place haunts him and the air in this place holds every horrible memory and he can feel all of it filling his lungs and his mind. 

His knees give out, and he falls to the floor, scraping the palms of his hand. He closes his eyes, pressing his knuckles to his temples. It’s too much. The red lights, that damn bed, this entire place. He can’t. He can’t be here again. Not again. 

All of a sudden, the air feels colder around him and he opens his eyes. He’s sitting in front of the same building, the same building from seven years ago. The place where that man called him baby and Dan lost his virginity for enough money to eat for a week. 

The darkness surrounds him and whirls around him. The street in front of him is empty. The entire world seems so dark, yet Dan is able to see the silhouettes of lamp posts and buildings and cars that don’t work. 

The world that he is in is so dark. There’s a strange calmness in the world and a rising panic in Dan’s mind. 

Why was he here again? Where was everyone? 

Dan leans against the wall, flinching when his bleeding palms brush against the cold cement. He can just barely make out the blurry outlines of the buildings on the other side of the street. Not even the apartments above his head have any light, and he desperately wants something. A lighter, the headlights of a car, a firefly. Any light. 

He wants Arin. 

He takes a hesitant step. His knees feel weak, but they don’t buckle under his weight. He waits. There are no sounds, there is no light, there is no comfort in this place. He’s not sure where he should go. 

He looks around. To the right, there is a street that stretches out to the darkness, and to the left is the rest of the street. Behind him is the cement building… 

His thought is cut off. 

The building isn’t there anymore. There’s an alleyway, where the sidewalk ends and muddy dirt begins. Trash litter the area, and the darkness seems endless. 

Dan walks in. To his faint surprise, he doesn’t trip over anything in the darkness. He doesn’t reach out to guide him. For some reason he walks in with the confidence of someone who walks here every day. He doesn’t bump into anything. He doesn’t trip. 

Somewhere, buried deep in his memory, he knows this place. He isn’t sure how. 

He continues to walk. 

The darkness brushes his cheek, with a smile that curls too far up and stretches painfully wide. The dark seems like a person now. People. Old bosses. Abusive clients. People who used to smile and call him “slut” like it was a pet name.

He continues to walk. When he turns to look back, he can’t see the street anymore. He can’t see anything. 

He’s walking in complete darkness. He’s confused for a moment. Are his eyes open? He isn’t afraid of this darkness, but it’s just a tad bit unsettling. 

Something catches his eye in this darkness. It hurts his eyes, and he squints. 

It’s a light. 

It’s not a flashlight, it’s not a lightbulb, or a glowstick or a firefly. 

Dan doesn’t want to get near it, but it’s the only thing in this darkness. He takes a step closer to the fading amber glow. 

It’s a cigarette. No. A blunt. Dan catches his mistake quickly as he steps closer. It’s lit, but it doesn’t look like anyone has smoked it. He’s hesitant to pick it up. He’s not sure that it would be sanitary to pick up a lit blunt that’s been lying in a dark alley. 

Then he remembers that he isn’t in a dark alley anymore. He’s just wandering in this infinite darkness. He crouches down, and picks up the blunt. The ground is cold, smooth, and polished. Definitely not in the alley anymore. 

He brings it up to his lips, pausing just a few centimeters away. He can smell it now. 

Muscle memory. Even after all this time, his first reaction to a lit joint is to bring it to his lips. It’s like Dan never quit smoking. He fits right back into the swing of things. 

Fuck it. 

The smoke in his lungs feels like lead, and it’s so warm and welcoming. He breathes out, and the grey smoke is quickly eaten up by the darkness. The glow at the end glows brighter when he breathes in. 

So he does it again. And again. And again. It’s all he ever does in this darkness. All he ever wants. 

-

Dan sits up, gasping for breath. He’s in a dark room, but it’s not the same as his nightmare. He can see the light from outside, even in this late hour. He can see Arin sleeping next to him. 

Just a nightmare. Just a nightmare. He tries to calm himself down, but nothing comes to mind. He’s sitting there, cold air against his heaving chest. 

“Dan?” a raspy voice calls out. “Dan are you alright?” Arin’s trying his best to be worried, but he’s tired and there isn’t the same concern in his voice. But definitely some concern. Dan swallows. 

“Yeah.” his voice cracks and he flinches. “Just a nightmare.” That seems to catch Arin’s attention. He sits up, leaning towards Dan. It calms him down. Arin with his messy hair and tired eyes, with pale light that makes his skin seem almost ghostly. 

“Nightmare about what?” he gently asks. Dan tries to ignore how much this question bothers him.  
“Just about,” Dan’s voice cracks again. He doesn’t like this. He doesn’t like the way he’s feeling right now. This exposed, naked feeling. He wants to protect himself. 

But this is Arin. Arin would never hurt him. There is no reason to protect yourself against someone who isn’t your enemy. 

“Fuck, it’s so stupid.” he brings his hands down against the bedsheets and the bed creaks just a little under the pressure, “It was just this stupid nightmare and it didn’t even make sense!” Dan doesn’t realize he’s shouting, but if Dan needs to shout to get this out, Arin’s willing to deal with tomorrow’s noise complaints. 

“What happened?” 

“Well…” Dan pauses, wiping away tears. The dream is already fuzzy in his mind, but it doesn’t bother him any less. “I was in this… room. And it was like… the room in the old place I worked at.” 

Arin doesn’t really understand the significance of the room that Dan’s talking about, but he knows that the room was definitely bothering him and he knows that “the old place” is probably not referring to the ballet. 

“And it was just so fucking irritating! And I don’t know why, but it really bothered me, and then I fell.” Dan pauses to check his palms. They’re not bleeding, they’re fine. It really was just a nightmare. “And then I was in this street but it was so weird because it was completely dark and instead of trying to get some help I just… I walked into an alley and it was, like, really dark and I couldn’t see anything, but I kept walking and I found…. I found a blunt on the ground and I just smoked it and I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY IT’S BOTHERING ME SO MUCH!” Dan yells. His palms are pressed to his eyes, painfully. Arin’s not sure what Dan’s talking about, but he knows why he had the nightmare. Arin used to have the same sort of nightmares. He gently takes Dan’s hands, and squeezes his hands. Dan’s breathing is wildly out of control and he’s crying. Arin wipes away tears. 

“Dan, listen to me.” Dan’s sobs slow, and he looks up at Arin. He’s not sure what to say past this point. “You’re alright. You’ll… You’ll never have to go back to those places, or feel that way again. You know that. You know that I love you, so much. And you know that I would never let you go back to that place, you know that, right babe?” 

“I know. I know.” Surprisingly, the entire thing seems to have drained Dan so much that he was almost asleep again. Arin gets out of bed, running to the kitchen. He doesn’t want to be away from Dan for too long. He comes back with a cup of water. Dan drinks it without any protest. Arin knows that crying could really dehydrate someone. He learned that the hard way. Dan goes right back to sleep without much struggle, just staying up long enough to watch Arin get back into bed. 

Arin sighs. He knows that Dan has problems, problems that Arin truly wishes he could fix, just by being there. But it doesn’t really work that way. He watches Dan breathe in and out, calm, without any trace of the nightmare. 

Arin didn’t know that Dan did drugs before. But he had suspected. Dan’s words when they first met, when he said that the ballerinas that he worked with were mostly “strippers that didn’t want to get addicted to drugs”. He isn’t surprised. Certain occupations will attract certain people and promote certain behaviors. But he’s sure that Dan isn’t using anymore. He’s lived with Arin for a month now and he hasn’t shown any signs that he’s been drunk or high. 

But you can never be too careful. Arin pulls out his phone and texts Suzy. It’s 1:55 in the morning, but Arin doesn’t doubt that she’s awake. 

did Dan talk to you about anything? 

Nightmares. Why?

he just had one. 

Suzy is typing…

Arin patiently waits for the next few minutes. He wonders if Suzy just broke into his apartment, but he would have heard her if she did. 

Help him. 

I will.


	20. Ballerina! AU Part 20

Dan notices that Arin’s especially caring and loving this morning. It doesn’t bother him as much as he thought it might. He’s always hated being babied, feeling like he was a child that couldn’t be trusted with anything, not even his own emotions. But this is different. Arin isn’t babying him, he’s just loving him. Dan’s fine with that. Dan’s completely in love with that. 

Arin makes breakfast (fruit smoothies and more oatmeal), before leaving with a “I love you so much baby!” at the top of his lungs. Dan feels his face flush, and from upstairs he can hear faint laughing. 

“Stop laughing Suzy!” 

“Stop shouting Dan!” she snaps back. He chuckles. For the thousandth time in the last month, he realizes all over again how lucky he is. Just a month ago, he would have never guessed that he would be so happy. There’s the familiar metal clanking, and Suzy opens the window with ease. She’s changed into a sweater and a pair of shorts, with her hair up in a messy bun. “It’s rude to shout.” 

“It’s rude to listen in on other people’s conversations.” 

“I wasn’t listening. I didn’t have to. Arin shouted it so loud that I could hear it over my music.” Suzy says, casually walking past him and rummaging through the fridge for food. She takes out a yogurt and glances back at him. “You should probably put on pants. And a shirt.” 

“This is my kingdom and I make the laws. Pants and shirts are not necessities.” he proclaims as Suzy grabs a spoon and sits on the kitchen counter. 

“Incorrect, Arin is the king and you are his queen.” she eats a spoonful of yogurt, “Unless it’s the other way around.” 

“That is none of your business, Suze.” she smiles brightly at him, and throws away the empty yogurt container. She eats too quickly. They don’t have enough yogurt in the fridge to satisfy her. The kingdom is in desperate trouble if their food storages will not fill the invader. 

“Eh. A lot of things aren’t my business, I just end up knowing about them.” she turns to stare at Dan, “And speaking of things I know, how did last night go?” Dan shrugs. He doesn’t feel uncomfortable with Suzy asking. He knows Suzy well enough. 

“It went… badly and goodly.” 

“Goodly isn’t a word, but go on.” Dan shakes his head, and Suzy jumps onto the couch, and Dan sits down next to her. She lies down, and places her legs on his lap. She seems unbothered by the fact that he was wearing nothing but his boxers and his left sock. But then again, they trust each other and Dan has seen her in her underwear. They didn’t make it a big deal. 

“Well it was shitty ‘cause I had another nightmare. But it went not shitty because Arin was super chill and y’know,” Dan shrugs, “He’s Arin. He just calmed me down and all that.” 

“And did you tell him what the dream was about?” Suzy asks. Dan looks slightly confused and tired, but besides that she isn’t sure what he’s feeling. 

“Yeah, I think I did. I was awake for a little while after the nightmare and I explained it, but… I don’t know, it was a confusing dream to begin with and I was scared and panicking so I’m not sure what I said, but he seemed to get it.” Suzy nods. Dan looks down at his hands for a moment. “You ever get that feeling? That Arin just… knows things?” 

Suzy’s quiet. There’s a silence that fills the room, two people who love each other and two people who love the same person. 

“He does. He just… he knows people. He loves being around people. That’s why he goes to the office so often instead of just working at home like I do. And Arin’s that sort of person… He just… He just knows how people work, I guess.” Suzy whispers. “It’s a confusing thing. He’ll just take one look at you and know what to do or what to say. He’s always been like that.” 

“A people’s person. Except…” Dan trials off. There’s something completely indescribable about Arin, something that’s on the tip of his tongue, and Dan wishes that he knows what it is but he feels like he just forgot what it was. 

“Yeah… Except he… Just knows how to help people. And work with people. He knows how people act and work and all that.” Suzy finishes, but the sentence still doesn’t feel finished. There’s something more to Arin. They both know it, but both of them don’t point it out. 

“But yeah, I have full faith in Arin. If anyone can help, it’s Arin.” Suzy says, clearing her throat. There’s something slightly uncomfortable about that silence, where Arin’s two best friends still don’t know how to describe him. 

“Yeah, and if he does fail I could get a therapist.” Dan shrugs. “Someone who’s professionally trained to deal with this stuff.” 

“But Arin’s… Just Arin. Like, you can get a therapist if you want, don’t get me wrong. But a therapist doesn’t know you, and they haven’t experienced what you have… And Arin…” Suzy trails off. 

“And Arin has.” he leans onto the back of the sofa. “Yeah, I know. Arin’s just got that special connection with people. It’s weird.” 

For the first time in a long time, the two of them sit on the couch together, lost in thought. 

-

“How are you, baby?” Arin asks, pressing a kiss onto the corner of Dan’s mouth. “Have you been eating my yogurt?” 

“Suzy broke in and ate five of them. They’re really good,” Dan says, scraping the last spoonful out of the container and smiling brightly up at to his boyfriend. “I like the cheesecake ones. Suzy ate all the cotton candy one. Just for you to remember, just in case you went to the shop and bought some more or something...” Dan says with a big smile. Arin groans, placing his bag onto the coffee table, next to the dozen or so empty yogurt containers. He slumps into the couch next to Dan. 

Dan takes his hand, gently massaging his wrist. He knows that Arin often gets cramps when he spends hours drawing. He’s learned the little things that bother Arin, the little things that he can do to help. Arin dozes off a little. 

“You alright baby?” Dan whispers. It’s not too late, but Arin already seems exhausted. 

“My team was in charge of water effects.” Dan winces. From what he’s seen, and what Suzy and Arin tell him about the animating process, water is the most difficult and challenging thing to animate, right next to hair and fur. Dan presses a kiss onto the back of Arin’s hand, hoping that maybe he could comfort him in a small way. 

“Do you want anything? I can make something. Water? Blanket?” Dan’s already up on his feet, walking to the kitchen. Arin smiles as his boyfriend looks through the fridge, pulling out an ice pack and a bottle of water. Dan comes back, and offers both. Dan opens the water bottle and everything. 

Dan’s picked up on little things. Like how much Arin’s wrist hurts after a long day of drawing, and things become so much more difficult. Dan knows how drained Arin can get some days. Dan knows how much he can help, just by being there. 

He watches Arin drink water, and takes the bottle, closing it for him. He takes Arin’s right hand, holding the ice pack to his wrist, and trying to ignore his numb fingertips. 

It was only a few weeks ago that Arin was taking care of Dan. Now Dan seems determined to repay him, in any way possible. 

A calmness settles over them as Dan massages Arin’s wrist, and Arin slowly dozes off. The sunlight streaming in turns a bright orange. Dan is dozing off, gently rubbing circles onto the back of Arin’s hand. Arin’s eyes flutter open when Dan laces their fingers together and presses a soft kiss onto Arin’s wrist. 

“Dan?” 

“Yeah, babe. I’m here.” Arin looks at their hands, and smiles a little. He’s trying to blink away the blurriness in his eyes, trying to get a better look at Dan. 

“Dan, about your nightmares… I used to have them about Jon,” Arin mutters, not clearly upset but definitely not happy. Dan hushes him, brushes his hair back. 

“I know, you don’t have to tell me, it’s fine.” Arin’s tired. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. Arin doesn’t have to relive those memories ever again. 

“And all the things he did to me… And it makes me really sad that you have nightmares like that,” Arin nods off once, and looks up at Dan, “Do you have nightmares like that?” 

“Sometimes. Only sometimes,” Dan says, squeezing Arin’s hand gently. The light coming in through the large windows is finally starting to dim, and if Dan looks up, he can see where the vivid colors meet the polished blue and black of the night sky. “Not often since I came here.” 

Arin nods, deep in thought, and also nodding off again. 

“I’m sad that you had to do all of that.” Arin mutters. “I don’t want you to be sad, Dan.” Dan holds back laughter. 

“You make me happy, Arin.”   
“Really happy? Or a little happy.” 

“Big happy. All the happy, bud.” Dan leans down and places a gentle kiss on Arin’s eyebrow. “So happy.” Arin smiles. They sit in silence, Dan watching the sky darken, and Arin’s eyes memorize the plaid pattern of Dan’s boxers. 

“You’re in your underwear?” 

“Amazing observation. Only took you a few hours to notice.” Dan chuckles, his deep voice rumbling. Arin likes the sound. Sounds like a purring cat or an engine… also purring. He struggles to open his eyes. He’s more tired than he expected. Dan laughs when Arin has to struggle to brush hair out of his face. The same rumble in his voice. Like a cat and an engine purring together. Yeah. 

The night sky has little stars, the smallest and shyest of them, just starting to appear. The ones that you can see from the corner of your eye, and the moment you search for them, they sink back into the darkness of the sky. 

“I wonder why I trusted you, Arin. Like, the first time we met. Why did I go to your house? I had no clue who you were.” Dan mutters. The stars remind him of their first car ride together, the quiet calmness that hanged over their head the entire time. It feels like that day again. 

“It’s ‘cause I’m a cool person.” Arin murmurs. Dan smiles, gently pressing another kiss onto Arin’s cheek. 

“Yeah, I think that’s why.”


	21. Ballerina! AU Part 21

“Wake up, babe! Aren’t you excited!” Dan groans as Arin shakes his shoulders. Arin’s already dressed, brushing his teeth. 

“It’s just like grocery shopping isn’t it? Why should I be excited?” Arin shoots him a look, which Dan replies with a lazy smile. It only takes a minute for Dan to get dressed, and to join his husband in the bathroom. Arin hands him his toothbrush, a glittery silver one, and Arin takes on the job of brushing Dan’s hair. 

“But you are excited, aren’t you?” Arin asks. Dan spits out the mouthful of minty foam, and smiles at Arin. 

“Of course. Well, I’m more like super nervous, but I’m super excited too, yeah.” Arin smiles at him before leaving with a kiss on the cheek. Dan smiles to himself. It’s starting to settle in, the nervousness and excitement bubbling up like a shaken up bottle of soda. He felt so prepared for this day when they were talking about it, but now that it’s finally here, he feels unprepared and anxious. 

Arin’s in the kitchen, making coffee and the microwave dings. Dan opens up the microwave, and is surprised. There’s only two scrambled egg sandwiches. Dan frowns down at them, but still takes them to the dining table. 

“Hey, Arin? Aren’t you gonna make something else?” Even after all these years, Arin still worries about how much Dan eats, and still makes sure that he eats at least two full meals a day. Arin rushes in with two coffees, and sits down. 

“No, unless our stomachs are able to calm down enough to eat more.” Dan smiles to himself. Arin was always thinking ahead. They silently rushed to finish their breakfast, burning their tongues on coffee. A familiar creak breaks the silence. 

Even after four years, Suzy’s style hasn’t changed much, but she still looks stunning. 

“Morning you two! Excited much?” Suzy asks, sitting down on the couch. Dan rolls his eyes, taking another bite of his sandwich. 

“Not at all. It’s an everyday thing, y’know?” Arin shrugs, drinking the last of his coffee, taking away the dishes to the kitchen. Suzy walks over to Dan, placing a hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing. Dan’s hand instinctively goes up to hers. 

“Do you know who you’re gonna choose though?” Dan shakes his head, “Are you excited?”   
“It’s the most scared I’ve been in a couple of years,” Dan mutters, nuzzling Suzy’s hand. Arin turns to look at the two people he loves most in the world, and he feels the nervousness settle in his stomach a little. 

“We gotta go now, Dan. Suzy, we should be back in a few hours,” Arin says with a smile. 

Suzy smiles, knowing that this is the most important day since the two of them have met.

-

“So I’ll just leave you two to look around, and once you make a choice, you can come to the front desk and we’ll handle the paperwork, alright?” the lady says before leaving the two of them. Instinctively, Dan shuffles a little closer to Arin. 

An orphanage is much more like a school than he ever imagined. Dan corrects himself. The orphanage is a school. There’s a large brick building that doubles up as a school and the living area for the orphans. They just had a short tour, and if Danny didn’t know that they were having a tour of an orphanage, he would have assumed that they were in a public school. Kids were seperated by age group, with a teacher in each classroom. They learned for seven hours of the day, then they were free to play outside at the playground, or go to an art station, or the music room, or a cooking class. Some of the older children went to work or helped the volunteers control the orphans once it was bedtime. 

Dan and Arin were in the courtyard of the school, a small square area that was in the middle of the school that was open. A few children ran around, kicking a soccer ball, calling out for teammates and cheering on their friends. A few children have already taken notice of them, and Dan could hear the whispers of “adoption” and “foster care”. 

Arin gently takes his hand.

This is the scariest thing that Dan has ever done. He was going to be a dad. And he has to choose his kid. 

“So, where should we start?” Arin whispers. Dan already feels overwhelmed. There’s only two hundred kids in this entire orphanage, yet Dan feels like he’s suffocating. 

“I...I don’t really know.” Arin smiles at him. Strangely enough, none of the kids seem to think that two men holding hands is a strange sight. That’s nice. They must get a lot of gay couples adopting kids here.   
“It’s like designing a Sim, kinda. What traits do you want this kid to have? Like, if you want them to be smart, we can probably check out the classrooms or something.” Arin’s logic and calmness always settles Dan. 

“Maybe we should check out the… um… Dan looks around the courtyard, “the library?” The library sign is above a door that branches off of the courtyard, hidden in the shade. Arin nods, and gently leads Dan away from the mob of soccer children. Arin grunts as he opens the heavy wooden door of the library, and they walk in together. 

The room has a dome roof, with large windows that let in sunlight. There are houseplants on nearly every desk and table, including on the bookshelves. It’s difficult to see the other side of the room, due to the sheer amount of bookshelves that line up the floors. A little bit ahead, there’s a desk with an old woman in a rocking chair. She gets up with the help of her cane, and hobbles over to the couple. 

“Hello there. Are you the new volunteers?” she asks, adjusting her glasses. She isn’t much taller than the children here, and her white hair goes down to her back, with little braids and flowers that children have done. 

“Uh, no. We’re… looking for a kid?” Dan says, unsurely. The woman smiles up at them. 

“Oh, wonderful. Well, I assure you that any child in this library will be absolutely lovely, if you choose them. I raised them all myself,” she says, standing a little taller. There’s pride in her smile, and Dan can’t help but believe her. “You may call me Mrs. Elderwood. Everyone here calls me grandma, though. So what type of child are you looking for?” 

Arin looks at Dan. 

“Kind.” 

“Artistic.” Arin adds. Dan starts to build an imagine in his mind. 

“Funny.” 

“Imaginative.” 

Mrs. Elderwood smiles even wider. 

“I think I have one in mind.” she starts to hobble away, and the couple follows her. As they walk along, it’s obvious that the children love her, showing her the books that they’ve read, or the drawings of them with their future families. She seems to know her way around the maze of books, slowly maneuvering her way to the back of the library. 

A little girls sits in a desk, her nose buried in a book that’s bigger than her head. She notices Mrs. Elderwood almost immediately, and waves. 

“This is Rayen.” Rayen looks up curiously at the two of them. “You should talk to her. Come back to me when you’re done,” she says, turning around and disappearing into the maze of books. Arin and Dan sit down at the desk, and Rayen puts her book to the side. She’s a young girl, maybe six. Her hair is a little bob, and she has a round, chubby face. 

“Are you here to adopt me?” she asks, her voice small. Arin smiles. 

“Maybe, we’re not sure yet. Maybe if we knew a little bit about you, we can choose?” Arin prompts. She nods. Dan can see ideas and stories spark up behind her dark brown eyes. 

“My mom and dad were Native Americans, but not the ones that lived in America.” Dan softly laughs. “They were the ones that lived in Chile and Argentina, and they taught me how to write and read and tell stories. They died I think when I was three.” She doesn’t specify, and they don’t push her for any details. “And when they died, my aunt brought me here, but she didn’t have enough money to take care of me, so I live in the orphanage now.” She looks up at them. Arin nods, playing the part. He’s always been able to get along with people much smoother than Dan has. 

“Well, can you tell me about yourself? Maybe what books you like, or what your favorite ice cream is?” 

“I like all books. Not scary ones, but uh…” she picks up the book that she had been reading, and pushing it towards Dan. “It’s a book about animals.” Dan opens the book. 

“Indeed it is.” She smiles brightly at him. 

“I like chocolate ice cream. And I like ladybugs. And Mrs. Elderwood. N’ I like braiding her hair, like how my mom taught me. And I like peanut butter.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, Mrs. Elderwood is like my grandma. She’s really old.” Dan holds back laughter. “And everyone calls me Dip.” 

“Well, hello Dip. I’m Arin.” Dip holds her hand out to Arin, and he takes it. His hand wraps around her tiny one, and they shake. She does the same to Dan. 

“And this is Dan.” 

“Are you married?” she asks, out of the blue. It isn’t meant to be a rude or mean question, Dan can tell. 

“Yeah, we are.” 

“My parents were married.” Arin and Dan smile at her. 

“I’m sure they were.” 

“Can I see your ring?” Arin looks at his husband, who just smiles back. She’s just a kid. She doesn’t know better. Dan slips off his ring, and slides it over to her. She holds the heavy gold in her palm, and tries it on. It’s too big for her, so she moves the ring to her thumb. It’s still too big. She smiles. 

“I like it.” she says, pushing it back to Dan. “Why do adults wear rings?” 

“Well, these types of rings are for people who are married. It’s like a present that you give to a person to show that you love them.” 

“Like how I give flowers to Mrs. Elderwood?” 

“Yeah, but there are different types of love.” 

“Like friend love?” 

“Yeah, like friend love and dad love and Mrs. Elderwood love.” 

“But Mrs. Elderwood is my friend.” 

“Then she gives you friend love.” 

The hours pass, with Dip asking questions about them, if they have a pet, or if they have chocolate ice cream. No, they don’t have a pet, but their friend has two cats, and yes they do have chocolate ice cream. 

Dan doesn’t even realize that it’s getting late until Dip is starting to doze off. 

“Do you think you’re gonna adopt me?” she mutters. 

“Yeah, I think we are.” Dan says. Arin nods, and gently takes his hand. “Do you wanna tell Mrs. Elderwood?” She immediately perks back up. 

“Yeah!” she races off, and Arin and Dan have to run to keep after her in the maze of bookshelves. Mrs. Elderwood is sitting in her rocking chair, and a smile appears once she sees Dip and the couple. “Mrs. Elderwood I’m gonna be adopted!” 

-

“And welcome to your new home!” Dan says as he opens the door. Dip runs in, looking out the large windows, going into the bathroom to look at Dan’s glittery toothbrush and to smell Arin’s mango shampoo. She runs around until she’s panting, and she collapses onto the couch. 

“It smells like you guys. Arin smells like mangos.” Dan laughs. 

“It’s because of his shampoo.” 

The familiar sound of boots on metal is followed by the sound of the window opening. Suzy squeezes in through the window, holding her cats. 

“It’s Aunt Suzy!” Dip shouts, rushing over. “Do you really go in through the window every time!? Do you steal food!? What do you draw?! Are those your cats?!” Suzy places the cats on the floor, and they immediately take notice of the girl. 

“Aunt Suzy, huh?” she knelt down next to her niece. “Yeah, this one’s Mochi, and this one’s Mimi.” 

“Mimiiiii!” Dip hugs the cat close, and Mimi looks up sadly at Dan and Arin. Mochi barely escapes the grasp of the new child. “Can we have chocolate ice cream?” 

“Of course!” Suzy says, running to the fridge, and coming back with the tub of chocolate ice cream and two spoons. Arin sits down on the couch, and Dan joins his daughter on the floor. 

“Suzy, is that really a good idea?” Arin asks. Dip already has chocolate ice cream smeared on her face. 

“I think it’s a good idea!” she says, holding up a spoonful of chocolate ice cream to Suzy’s face. She happily eats it, and does the same for her. 

“Dad, do you want some?” Dip asks, holding the spoon of ice cream to Danny’s face. He smiles, and eats it. “What about you, dad?” Dip asks, waddling over to his side, holding the spoon to his face. She misses, and smears a little on his beard. When she does finally aim right, he hums. 

“Yeah, it’s really good! The ice cream tastes better here!” Dip proudly announces. 

“I’m glad.”


End file.
